Won't poo on the loo!

[floraflora]

DS, 2 and 3/4yrs, is pretty good at peeing on potty and even a couple of times on 'booster' seat on loo, but steadfastly refuses to have a poo on his potty - or anywhere except a nappy. He knows when he needs one and likes to take himself off to another part of the house to be quite and particularly favours the standing position, which I would have thought less ergononmically efficient! If I could crack this problem he'd be potty trained and would only have to wear nappies at night.
I'm generally quite laissez-faire about development - let him do it in his own time, etc - but this is starting to drive me mad. He's grown out of the wraps for his cloth nappies and I'm loathe to buy new ones. Every time I have to buy disposables and with each one I stick in the bin I get more and more frustrated.
I've tried reasoning with him and asking him why he won't do it - answer: 'because its different mummy'. I've even tried bribery to no avail. Has anyone else had this sort of resistance when ability is clearly there? I'd be interested in potential solutions.

My dd was the same at first. She used to get quite distressed, too. I eventually told her about the noise a poo makes when it hits the water in the loo (plop, splash!). The idea of listening out for this, fortunately, amused her and after a few days it did the trick.

Good luck with whatever you do.

floraflora - you could be me! I am in exactly the same boat with my boy (2 yrs 10 mths) he will only poo in a nappy, standing up, hiding away from everyone else. He has been weeing in a potty (standing up, too!) for months now, but we just can't crack poos.

I have heard that you can try to put them on the potty with a nappy on, or leave it open on the potty, but DS won't have this either. I've tried stickers, chocolate, a different type of potty, the toilet, you name it, I've tried it! All I get is 'I poo nappy'

I am worried he will get constipated by not wanting to poo in the potty so am thinking of putting everything away for a week or so.

If anyone ha got any advice I would be interested to hear it too.

flora - have you read 'Potty TRaining for Biys'? Itw as quite useful, but hasn't helped me move things on in the poo depart.

I had this problem with my dd as well. She's 3.2 now and - hooray - will now poo on the potty. Really, I have no idea what changed her mind - it was literally overnight, she did a poo on the potty one day (she'd been sitting there for a wee and it occurred to me she'd been there for a while(!)) and after that, never asked for a nappy again.

However...she still has a problem with pooing on the loo! She doesn't mind the toilet at all; she'll happily sit there for a wee. She has done it a few times, for example at the childminders. But it's traumatic - she really doesn't like pooing on the toilet at all. On the other hand, she'll happily sit on the potty for over an hour.

Argh - just read over my post and I've not offered any suggestions. Umm...we just kept the potty in sight, never really piled on the pressure at all, always suggested the potty if she looked like she needed a poo or mentioned it (even though she would say 'no' or ignore us). We were pretty obliging on the whole providing nappies to poo in thing. We did let her know subtly that we would prefer her to poo in the potty/toilet, saying wasn't it a pain that she had to lie down to get cleaned up after a big poo; when she was doing it on the potty she wouldn't have to lie down to get cleaned up etc (we always took our time over it and she found it pretty boring I think!)

Good luck

Hi Nyx, thanks for the advice :-) Will keep at it.

My DD was 3.5 when I finally had enough and told her no more nappies - I phoned the HV in front of her telling her that the doctor said I wasn't allowed to buy them any longer. That was it.

DS would happily use the potty for wees from 23 mths but would hide in another room for a poo in his nappy.
When my brother came over one day he said to DS 'if you poo in your potty I'll give you some pennies' and would you believe next day he poo'd in his potty!

Even now at 2yrs 5mths he will happily wee in the toilet using his big boys step but only poo on the potty with the toilet door closed.

I think that was an issue for him - being watched while pooing. He was so used to hiding away to poo in his nappy and wanted privacy to poo.
Wish he realised I'd rather be on my own to poo rather than him join me in the bathroom!

My 2yrs 8 mths is exactly the same - wee in the toilet or potty but will pointblank refuse to poo anywhere but in her nappy and standing up. If I take her on she will just not poo at all and wait until the next day...

So so dull - bribing with sweets, TV, Chocolate etc doesn't work - she is not interested..

I have decided to leave it and to wait until she decides to change her ways. I am expecting my second baby in a week so I am not going to push it at this time.

Good luck and please do post up any solution you may find..

xx

MSHighwater - love the idea of the 'plop, splash' - that might just appeal.

In the last week or so he seems to have gone backwards in the peeing dept too (aaaaargh). He's just had chicken pox, so that might have had an effect I suppose, but he does seem to have been trying to regress in several ways - like wanting to sit in a high chair at cafes etc.

Good to know I'm not alone. The smug oh-mine-did-it-in-a-week-on-his-own-just-before-he-was-two type are beginning to get to me.

HI floraflora, I posted lots about this about a year ago as had the same problem with DD1, and was sorted out by advice from helpful HV.

I'm sorry dont know how to link to threads but rather than write it all out again if you search under my name i think it should come up. If not say and I'll write it out again.

I think that it's quite normal for them to be scared of going for a poo on the toilet. My DS went from being a regular twice a day boy to waiting until his nightime pull up went on and having a big old dump just before bedtime, complete with commentary "mummy I had a POO! I need new nappy!"

Until one day we had a late night. We went round to a neighbours for pizza and wine. As we went in he was desperately searching for hosts boys. They were 9 and 11, much bigger boys. The younger one was sat on the loo reading horrid histories or something and DS thought this was brilliant. He immediately ran off to the other loo, sat down and off he went, we didn't look back.

Perhaps not helpful, but if there are any bigger-ish role models to look up to then that might crack it!

took DS 4 weeks to get used to pooing on the loo

what cracked it was me sitting on the toilet blwoing bubbles so he was able to sit for long enough and relax to poo

sounds crazy but it worked

we also made a big deal of waving goodbye to the poo and flusing

oh, and the first time he got a monster truck

Hello again. Just tried looking for thread myself and is long winded so here it is ;

Was on a parallel thread to this yesterday, so in brief:
We had same problem with DD1.

HV said it is very common (as you can tell from answers!) and it seems to be a sort of fear of pooing into 'empty space'.

Bribes are ineffective because it is just asking too much of them to go straight from nappy to loo. (This is what I hadnt got my head round- I had a fabulously tacky tiara set waiting for her first poo and still nothing doing, I couldnt understand it..)

She suggested we break it down into small steps and reward those steps. (I think it took about a month)

For us the steps meant pooing in a nappy - but not in the cupboard. Pooing in nappy near the loo. Pooing in nappy on the loo. Getting on the loo trying 3 pushes, then she got a nappy.
Finally 3 pushes and slightly runny tummy and she went. All a bit emotional. Was fine from then on.

Concurrent with all this was 'practise sitting' where you get them to sit bare bum on the loo with no expectation of anything happening - ie no pressure at all.

You read them a story, or give them things to do like blowing bubbles or trying to blow up balloons as this leads to pushing action.

This is to hopefully get them to be less anxious about the whole loo experience especially if things have got a bit pressured.

When she then started going I bought a bunch of pretty beads and she got one everytime she did a poo and we threaded her a 'poo necklace'.

A year on she is absolutely fine about pooing at home or when we are out.

Thanks Cathpot - really interesting. At the moment I am considering just given him a break for a few weeks / month or so. No pressure, no mentions of potty, but still having it around so he can take the initiative if he feels like it.

I am curious what others with similar problems think - I am wondering if I've given him some sort of complex about poo. Until a few months ago he had terrible colic and always fairly loose, messy stools. I wonder if I made too many 'yuk' faces and noises when changing him and now he thinks poo is somehow bad? Does anyone else suspect they may have psychologically damaged their precious child too?!

My boy is 3 years 3 months and has been potty trained as far as peeing is concerned for about 5 months. But when it comes to poos he simply waits until he has a nappy on and does it then. He still has a nap in the afternoon and we put a nappy on him then - which tends to be when he goes. Don't really want to cut the afternoon sleep out but really want to get him properly trained. Part of the problem is that he learnt to pee standing up like his dad does, and he doesn't seem to like the feel of sitting on the loo. Maybe we should try the blowing bubbles trick...but any other suggestions would be very welcome.

ds2 has just turned 4 nd still wont
he is really scared
we are doing lots of 'practice-sitting' at the minute

CAn i ask what you do? Dd won't poo on the lo soa hasn't done one since Friday - I think she is withholding it beacsue it scares her. she now has gone back to wearing nappies because she is scared of the poo coming out, also her tummy is hurting with all that poo backed up.
Do I put her in nappies just wehn she says ther is/might be a poo coming? How can I get her to 'go'? Am giving her as much fruit as i can in the hope that will get things going.

Hi Flirtygerty (and any other mums who maybe able to give me some advice). My little girl is 3.9 and we've had problems with 'poo phobia' for 2 yrs now. My advice to you is to see your doctor before the poo back-ups, the longer they hold it the size increases and when it eventually comes out it's going to be painful, seen this many times. We are now under a paediatrician, who has prescribed liquid Senna, and Movicol sachets daily. They Senna purges her to go, the Movicol keeps the poo soft. Don't think the situation will get better by itself, you'll be surprised how long they can hold it for. If you see any runny poo, but nothing solid, this is the bowel leaking, the blockage is still there. My daughter still has the odd day laying on the sofa, won't get down and play because she has tummy ache and won't eat. There's no harm giving her her nappy, you are just giving her confidence to go and reassurance it will be OK, then slowly progress to the loo, you may have days where she will go to the loo, and times she won't. Sounds like you are experiencing this for the first time, I hope you don't mind the advice I don't want to scare you but we were told for months my daughter was just constipated, it was only as she got older and was able to explain that we realised she was scared to go. It all started when she had a tummy upset for nearly a week, then she did get constipated and didn't go for a week then when she did it was a very large painful stool. Then psychologically she thought every time would be like that and held every motion from there on. She's still not 100% now but with the help of the medication we just about manage it, but she's still not all that keen.