toddler and 2 week old and feel really fed up, how soon will it get better?

[Gemzooks]

so cannot complain, have gorgeous DS 2.5 and gorgeous DD, born at home in water after 5 hour textbook labour two Sundays ago, she's feeding and sleeping well (feeding 3-4 hourly and sleeping between feeds in the night), everything's fine. BUT DH and I are finding it so hard, we wonder how we ever thought one child was stressful, DS has been a bit difficult which is only natural and we have given him lots of attention, it's getting better but it just seems so unrelenting at the moment (plus the inevitable sleep deprivation).

Has anyone any tips for this early period? I am really enjoying DD more than I did DS as not so anxious second time round, but just find myself getting very weepy and fed up, mainly due to being tired, and can't see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment..

Are you managing to get out of the house?

Can you arrange playdates for your ds?

It does get easier, you'll get so used to getting out of the house with 2. I find it helps (especially in the early days) to pack the bags the night before so I'm ready for off in the am. I sometimes even have them packed in the car and the pram in the boot good to go (but I live up steps and the 15 trips to the car and back can drive me DEMENTED!

Cut yourself lots of slack, you've just had a baby. Eat lots, rest when you can. You're doing great.

try and make life as easy as possible, especially when you are on your own during the day. I have 17 months between mine, and DS2 is now 22 weeks and I'm in a routine of sorts now. It got markely better around the three month mark but that was when we got him to accept a dummy so I was finally able to put him down!!!

I used to make sarnies for my lunch before DH went to work, or made sure there was always something that could be fixed pretty easily with one hand or the night before's left overs

I also had a supply of DD's books next to the sofa so that she could jump up beside me for a cuddle and a read whilst I was feeding the baby.

The house has slid somewhat as well; dusting and ironing definately not priorities.

I had great plans to get them both napping at the same time so I could achieve things but alas that hasn't happened until the last week or so

Sleep is still an issue here and in 22 weeks DS2 has only slept for more than five hours in one stretch on two occasions (and one of them was last night!!). It's tough, but now that DS is sitting up and being interested in what's going on, DD entertains him wuite well.....I'm looking forward o it getting much easier once the school holidays are out the way and I don't have the oldest one to deal with all day as well.

Good Lcuk

Try to get out in the morning. It really helps if you can meet up with someone who is in the same boat, you can at least moan to each other about how tired you are. Tey the park, soft play, toddler groups.

If does get easier but I won't lie, the first three months are really hard.

Do you have any family that can help by taking toddler off your hands for a couple of hours?

Oh good lord, I shouldnt have clicked. This will be me in 2 months. I'm relishing the time I have left with just dd and kind of dreading 2 babies. And to think we initially planned 4 - Oh how we laugh!!!

can you get your ds into a playgroup/preschool for a couple of mornings a week?
I found routine helpful -so every morning I made sure I went somewhere, even it was just to the library Monday, Tuesday tesco, Wednesday mother and toddlers, Friday park - that kind of thing

oh, yes, and i try and get my shower over with before DH goes off to work, or else I'm frequently still in my PJs at lunchtime.

I second getting out in the morning; again if we don't aim for a morning outing we never make it out as they both usually sleep after lunch.

The first few weeks were hard for us (about the same age gap, in fact I think our DSs are both Oct babies?) but it did get better. It was hard to adjust but the adjustment period was much shorter than with DS1. I think things started making sense at about 3-4 weeks. The first 2 weeks are really about physical recovery I think, so please don't expect too much of yourself.

We get out every morning to go to playgroup / park / another outing. DS has settled down loads now he knows what the new routine is. I think you just keep pegging away and eventually you realise it has got easier without you noticing .

Also, can you get a day/half day without DS regularly? We kept DS1 at his cm's one day a week and it has been v useful, esp in those early weeks when I could just retreat back to bed once he'd left.

and either cosleep or have the baby in a sidecar sot...makes night feeds so much easier. Until we got our sidecar cot I was getting no sleep at all. IT made a huge difference as although DS is awake for a feed two or else three times a night, I just pull him towards me, feed him, usually dozing as he feeds and then shove him back over when I wake up!

Give yourself time to adjust, take shortcuts at home (egg & oven chip suppers etc.), accept all offers of help, try to get out for a walk at least once a day, let DS watch telly if you have to go and change DD and don't beat yourself up over it, download cbeebies podcasts/have crayons and paper/fuzzy felts ready for him to listen to/play with whilst you feed the little one.

When you feel a bit less knackered, put DD in a carseat, and try to get out in the mornings - if you've done something interesting (I use that term loosely - a walk, a play in the park, a parent & baby group, the supermarket) in the morning, you can take it easier after lunch, happy in the knowledge that DS has had something interesting to do that day.

Does big brother go to pre-school at all? In a few months he might be ready for a couple of mornings out a week, which will give you a bit more time to yourself maybe.

It does get easier, and like you I found the arrival of No 2 a lot easier and less stressful than that if the big bro - however, I have found the first year tiring (there's no getting round it). Just try to get a few early nights in and bear in mind that there'll not be another year like it. This time next year your children will both be at a different stage and things will be easier.

And don't be afraid to confide to a friend, partner or parent if you are finding things difficult. Of course you know you're lucky to have to lovely kids, but everyone feels low from time to time, so get support if you need it.

I second co-sleeping. I have DD1 (6), DD2 (18 months) and DD3 (8 weeks). To be honest, it hasn't been as hard as I thought (and we moved house 3 weeks ago when DD3 was 5 weeks old) but we do have some bad days (today was one). If I didn't co-sleep with DD3 I would be seriously deranged.

thanks all! some good advice here! as I said earlier, I have no reason to complain as DS still goes to nursery 3 days, as I will be going back to work, and he loves the nursery. it's just the adjustment and tiredness which I didn't really think about.. I think it's also because I felt so much better after this birth that I've been doing too much, basically all normal shopping, chores etc since 1 week after, and have refused to rest. oh well, good to see that it does get better. we're off to the park this morning to play with one of DS friends..

Gemzooks I'm 6 weeks in and absolutely shattered. The worse bit is DS1 has taken to waking at 6am which is exactly the time DS2 decides to sleep soundly for a couple of hours .

I second all the advice on here, especially about getting out in the morning. The worst times are when DS1 has been bored, because once he is he's past the point of no return and it's just miserable. But if you've done something during the day it's ok to let them watch tv later on!

I also think you end up being on one extreme or the other of parenting! At the moment we co-sleep (only way I can get any sleep) and I carry DS2 around in the sling quite a bit during the day. But on some days I feel like I need Gina Ford to pop round and sort things out .

I can breastfeed whilst doing a 25 piece jigsaw though.

Oh - and we move house this week. Wish me luck!