Does anyone else just want to run as far away as possible from everything?

[Mooseheart]

Even though that 'everything' is your life and all that you love?

I'm having one of those times right now. It may be because the holidays are looming, which I find myself dreading... I don't know. I'm just so tired. I'm so fed up with constantly shouting at my dds, bickering with dh, picking up all the sht that everyone else leaves lying around the house, planning meals, cleaning, washing, cooking, the list goes on. My dh totally lacks empathy at times. Our house is an ongoing renovation project that has needed all our money and time thrown at it since we bought it four years ago, the dds are full on and never fcking stop.

Right now I can hear havoc being wreaked downstairs and I feel like crying in frustration because I know I will have to pick it all up! I constantly resort to shouting as I seem unable to control the dds in any kind of normal voice or manner. I get so angry all the time.

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve here, just an outpouring of my woes I guess. I really hate complaining as I am thankful for all I've got but my god I get fed up sometimes.

Thanks for listening.

Oh yes, frequently. I think for me it is slightly mid-life crisis induced - I never thought I would end up a sahm (though I became one by choice) and the endless round of cleaning/tidying up I find very frustrating - esp as the house rarely looks as clean or tidy as I want it to.

I do often look forward to Mondays as I am actually someone who enjoys her own space - and that's not always easy sharing a house with dh and dcs!

Oh Mooseheart - you are not alone! We all have those days where we feel it is all too much. Then one of those small people will do something small and amazing and you realise why it's all worth it!
Perhaps when the emotion has subsided a little a quiet word with dh about things that you can do to make a little easier change may help.
How old are your ds's? Are you near any other mnetters you could link up with?

Grapefruit - actually I went back to work pt recently and am so glad I did, as my job is highly stimulating and rewarding, but I still feel by the end of the weekend as though all I ever am is a slave to the house and children!

MH - yousaid everything I've thought today.,
Although I like the holidays because at least I'm not late for school then.
I seem to be the only person here who can put anything away after use, pick stuff off the floor, put rubbish in the bin, produce a meal, load/unload the dishwasher etc.
sometimes I just want to run around screaming.
aaargh.
Entirely understand.

Clutter, my dds are 5 and 3. They really are amazing and I thank God for them everyday. I do speak to dh a lot but he is tired too and has little energy left at the end of the day for sympathising with me! I do sometimes feel as though we're locked in some relentless battle either against each other or against the general exhaustion! I don;t know if I'm making much sense!

whyme - thank you for your post. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!

I keep forgetting that I actually work part-time now too! I'd like to work more hours but don't know what at - and when I'm particularly busy I start to feel out of control of my life and don't want every week to be like that so don't know if it would be worth it iyswim - but I would be tempted by the thought of being able to pay someone else to do the cleaning!

Mooseheart, I too am mum to DDs aged 5 and 3. There are many days when I could have written your post. I don't have any answers - especially on the shouting thing, which I hate - but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hugs.

Grapefruit - yes I know what you mean about wanting extra hours! I get the hols off which is an absolute blessing but it also means that I have no me time - no actual time on my own, I'm either working or with the dcs... which I'm sure is what a lot of people have to contend with too... I know things will get easier when dd2 starts school as I'll have time off then but I'm trying not to wish the time away.

I do recommend a cleaner - it is liberating, although the 2.5 hours she does are so helpful, there is still an extraordinary amount of other things to do - non stop washing, tidying, sorting and spot cleaning!

Thanks Franch.

My youngest started school this year and I have noticed that there is often (not always!) less tidying up to to now -toys not scattered around so much, art stuff not taking up the whole kitchen table. Still seems go be a constant tide mark of dirt at child height though!

I could run away often!

no you are not alone!

xx

Thanks guys for all your supportive posts. I have to admit after watching Secret Millionaire last night I felt really ashamed at my complaints on here .

Grapefruit, my dd started school this year but it certainly hasn't stopped the child-height tide mark!

I am with you MH - the battles with my once sweetheart partner are heartbreaking - we live such different lives now - and he still cant see how desperate I am to do anything other than childcare (even cleaning!!) when he is at home.
I am wondering how to get out of this mindset tho - cos, lets face it, nothings gonna change in the near future - this is just how life is, intense,relentless, maddening... and I think the more I JUST WANT A BREAK, the more every little thing becomes totally irritating - kwim? So the answer may lie in trying to change attitude, stop thinking about that perfect white isolation cell where you could sleep inpeace for 3 days!!! so how do we do that?!
I am in a phase of snapping at the kids constantly, wanting them to leave me alone and not cause a mess...and I realise they cant do anything right really (except be asleep) and thats not fair.
My partner would like nothing more than for me to stop moaning and criticising and I totally sympathise with him - but then dio I just ignore all the inequalities and unhelpful behaviour?!! argh - its a viscious circle! we need to get creative with how we deal with things. cleaners are good (cant afford one tho).
how comes this part of life is so crazy and yet there is hardly any books/films etc out there about it?

I think you're right yesballgames, it must come down to our mindset. Some days it doesn't bother me at all but others it can drive me to breaking point. I can't afford any help, either cleaner or childcare. I do know I have to have a little oasis somewhere. Even if that means reading a mag in the park whie the kids play or keeping them out of the sitting room so it stays tidy. I try and make a stand on one thing and ignore the rest, and also remind myself thatit is not the childrens fault so I try and have fun with them instead of gettign stressy about thje mess.
BTW my dh does nothing to help with the housework and little to help with the children on a day to day basis.

oh yes feel like this most of the time -ds really drove me to the edge today -whinging all day about everything
cant wait for half term to be over
many sympathies