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Original poster

Top tips needed, going from one to two!

17 replies

llynnnn · 05/04/2009 19:15

dd2 is due in 8weeks and I'm starting to wonder how we will cope with two dd's to look after. dd1 is almost 3 and although she claims to be looking forward to meeting her little sister, I cant help thinking the reality will be very different!!

How do you cope? How can I make the transition easier for dd (and me and dh too!!) Are there any little tips which you did which worked?

We have bought her a doll house 'from' the baby (havent given it to her yet) and we only really talk about the baby when she wants to and keep teling her that the baby loves her etc. Am I on the right lines??

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Cazzaben · 05/04/2009 19:40

I have 2 boys DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 11 months. I bought my DS1 a doll with a bottle (a boy doll) and some blue babygros.
This turned out to be a great blessing.
I was sooo anxious

Cazzaben · 05/04/2009 19:44

Oh also I did read that when DD1 visits or sees you for the first time after having your baby make sure you aren't holding DD2. Keep your arms open and free so you can pick her up and introduce them with you holding DD1.
x

pinkspottywellies · 05/04/2009 19:48

We talked about DS a lot with DD before he was born, telling her that Mummy and Daddy and DD would love her new brother so much! Really laying it on thick

DS is now 6 weeks old and DD adores him. Like
Caz says, I play with her as much as I can and tell her what a fantastic sister she is. We also had a boy doll (MIL got it for Christmas) but she's not really that interested.

I also try not to stop her touching/kissing/helping with him. Luckily she is very gentle but I think constantly saying saying 'no leave him alone' would be a bit unfair so I just remind her to be gentle and try to remember that babies are fairly robust!!

Good luck with the new arrival.

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screamingabdab · 05/04/2009 19:56

My tips would be:

  1. Don't have any expectations of your older daughter in relation to the baby. If she is interested, great, if not, don't force it. Praise her to the skies if she is gentle or helpful. Try not to overreact if she is rough. Just calm and clear

  2. Give DD1 lots of attention, and make sure other people do too. The baby does not need as much attention as you gave DD1 when she was a baby - don't feel guilty about this ! She will love having her big sister to watch

  3. Don't leave them alone together

  4. Possibly expect regression in terms of sleep, food or toileting in DS1

  5. Watch out for those wonderful moments that will come : DS2s first smile was at his big brother, so were his first laugh, and first word!

  6. Enjoy having a baby without all the anxiety that you had with the first (this was my experience)

Goodluck. It is very hard but SO worth it !!

screamingabdab · 05/04/2009 19:57

Forgot to say, I have 2 DSs (now nearly 6 and 8)

nikki1978 · 06/04/2009 15:14

Well I will be honest I did struggle when I first had two but a lot of that was down to living far away from all friends and family. Here are some tips that I would have liked though:-

  1. If possible make sure you have as much help as possible for the first few weeks (DH, grandmas, friends etc). Particularly if you are breastfeeding you may find very guilty about not having enough time and attention for your first born. A bit of help so you can spend time with the baby and a bit so you can spend time with your first born will do wonders!

  2. Don't worry if your feelings for your firstborn start to change somewhat. This sounds scary but it isn't! I found that after feeling DD was the most important and wonderful being in the world to have someone else who was now that was unsettling and I didn't feel as close to her as I did him for a while (I loved them both of course). This may not happen to you but in case it does it is not unusual!

  3. Things of course get easier as they get older so if things are tough remember hwo wonderful it will be when they are playing together!

  4. Jealousy may be a problem but as long as you don't shut your firstborn out and view the baby as all of yours it will pass (just watch out for those pushes and pinches which are likely to happen)

You will be fine!! I SO love having two now I wouldn't have it any other way

screamingabdab · 06/04/2009 16:40

nikki i so agree with your second point. I found DS2 so much easier as a baby than i had DS1 (because of the birth experience, mainly), that for a while I was a bit "high" on him.
I also thought DS1 was much more grown up than he really was (he was only 2 and a half for God's sake !). When I look back I feel a bit sorry for him- he was only a baby himself!

However, it is wonderful to see that you can love 2 different children, with different needs, with equal intensity.

naughtymummy · 06/04/2009 17:00

Hi lynn I remember feeling very anxious befroe DD was born. Agree with all others have said I would just add:

  1. Let the house work /cooking/cleaning go- if the baby is sleeping is so much more important you give your toddler some attention.

2)Try to put the baby to sleep in a different room in the day so DD1 can feel that you are all hers.

  1. I know this sounds crazy but lay out both sets of pjs, towels nappies etc for bedtime early in the day when everyone is calm, so you don't have to try and do it with ascreaming baby in arms +/- a screaming toddler round your ankles.

Yes some days were hard but my 2 love each other so much now I think its the best thing I ever did. Good luck I found newborn+toddler sooo much easier than heavily pregnant + toddler.

naughtymummy · 06/04/2009 17:00

Hi lynn I remember feeling very anxious befroe DD was born. Agree with all others have said I would just add:

  1. Let the house work /cooking/cleaning go- if the baby is sleeping is so much more important you give your toddler some attention.

2)Try to put the baby to sleep in a different room in the day so DD1 can feel that you are all hers.

  1. I know this sounds crazy but lay out both sets of pjs, towels nappies etc for bedtime early in the day when everyone is calm, so you don't have to try and do it with ascreaming baby in arms +/- a screaming toddler round your ankles.

Yes some days were hard but my 2 love each other so much now I think its the best thing I ever did. Good luck I found newborn+toddler sooo much easier than heavily pregnant + toddler.

Original poster
llynnnn · 06/04/2009 19:59

thank you for all the replies and great tips. great to hear that it isnt impossible and its definitly worth it!

Anymore?

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 06/04/2009 20:01

get a sling - a wrap sling - and use it as much as possible
you can do most of your usual stuff with dd and dd2 can just come along
it can make babies more contented also so should make life easier all roung

Pitchounette · 06/04/2009 20:30

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Original poster
llynnnn · 07/04/2009 17:30

thanks

I have bought a sling and hope to use it as much as possible to keep my hands (and the buggy!) free!
I had been wondering whether nursery would be a waste of money once i'm on mat leave as dd is currently there 2 days a week. think it would be beneficial though, thanks Pitchounette

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 07/04/2009 17:40

Yes, as Pitchounette says, I'd keep nursery on if you can

magnummum · 07/04/2009 19:15

Great suggestions - have been following with interest as am about to go from 1 to 3

screamingabdab · 07/04/2009 20:27

magnummum

Original poster
llynnnn · 08/04/2009 10:54

yikes magnummum! Good luck, hope everything works out well for you. puts my 1 to 2 into perspective!!

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