ex taken daughter from me. He had no PR so had to get court order against me stating I was unable to care for my daughter!! HELP!!!

[sjr1974]

My ex took my daughter away from me last summer 2008. He had no PR so he got a court order out against me stating that I was an alcoholic and unfit to look after my daughter. I did have a small issue with alcohol for a few months, but now I am over that period in my life, and I want things to go back to normal, and have my daughter back. We have been to court three times, and currently I only see her on friday, saturday, and monday. CAFCASS's report states that my daughter wants to live with me and I am fit and well enough to be the primary carer again, but he has contested this and taken it to the higher courts. I am fed up, I miss my daughter, it has been eight months now and I just want him and his partner to give my daughter back. Has anybody had the same experience, or any advice please????. Our next court date is 27.04.09, and I'm scared he will be granted full custody!.

My solicitor said that it could go either way which doesnt help!! She has faith that the judge will go with the cafcass report, the cafcass report states that I should be the main carer with father having PR and three days a week contact. I'm absolutely fine with that, and I would settle out of court with that right now, but alas father is contesting all the way to the bitter end! Saying that my solicitor has not been the best money can buy!!!!

It is extremely unlikely that the court would rule against a CAFCASS recommendation. There is absolutely no way that a court would hand over a child otherwise.

In considering an application for parental responsibility from a father, the court will take the following into account:

• the degree of commitment shown by the father to his child
• the degree of attachment between father and child
• the father's reasons for applying for the order The court accepts or rejects the application based on what it believes is in the child's best interest.

BIG THANKS!!!!XXXXX for all your suppport advice, and please if anybody out there has been in a similar situation or knows anybody that has let me know as I need all the help and advice I can get. Until then I can just cross my fingers and pray. :-)

IMHO CAFCASS are crap
A court will still insist on contact even when there has been dv issues (even if the contact is supervised)

I havent been in your situation, but I know how hard it is to go through all this, I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
Good luck

mrsjammi thanks for all your advice, I think I agree with you and go for the three nights a week at her fathers, but that I request that she reside with myself, and that I be the main carer. It's almost joint custody anyhow as you say, I just hope the courts will agree to this, and that he doesnt appeal again! x

Good luck, sjr. Cafcass report sounds positive.

As I said previously these things are lengthy but everything appears to be tipped in your favour.

Nobody can really comment anymore without knowing all the details of the case.

A 4yr olds opinion will not be taken into consideration and the child should not even be aware of having to make a choice!

Edam - I was not for one minute suggesting that the father should be congratulated for looking after his child the thought of this is ridiculous. I was mearly pointing out that the OP should be grateful her daughter was with her father and not within the care system. Hope that clears it up.

sjr.. hi what can i say only that i know what ur going through..my ex partner physically and mentally abused me also having a affair and abusing her, i left and now my ex has taken me to court for residency order..he has told lies after lies like i have been in and out of the childrens lives,he now gets the child benefit as he has the children 1 day extra and also he has turned my 14 yr old son against me i havent seen him since October even though there is an enforcement to send him so i only have contact with my daughter i see her from Sat 5pm until Tues morn..Cafcass are also involved and confirmed i am a good mother..My court case is in June i have no idea how it will turn out all i know is if he gets awarded custody i will only be able to see my kids one day aweek as i dont earn enough to have my kids 3 days..pay for a roof over our heads and feed and clothe them.. good luck and I hope you get custody of your daughter..she needs her mum

My daughter has just been diagnosed with Autism and she is emotionally very immature for her age. I don't think she has the capacity to make important decisions for herself, she is WAY immature...

My ex-husband obtained a Court Order against me (I stopped contact because he was ignoring his child when his girlfriend was around.) After this his contact has been irregular and sporadic (while I have kept to the letter of the law!), this guy really know how to take the piss etc.

Two years ago ex-husband broke off contact completely (unexplained to us) and then re-appeared last year as if from nowhere! (partner traded him in for newer model with more earning capacity)(wink). Anway my child's behaviour started to drastically change after he re-emerged, (I mean change) and began throwing massive tantrums, not wanting to go to school etc.

He has now applied for sole residency for our child, it would appear that on the surface his ex has plunged him into masses of debt and he resents paying our maintenance.

Has anyone got any experience of a condition I have read about called "Parental Alienation Syndrome - PAS" discovered by a Dr Richard Gardner? This is recognised in American Courts but not as yet in British. Apparently in Britain it is just recognised and referred to as "Alienation", I strongly suspect my ex and his family have been working a number on my child (shock). My child and I have both been referred to a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist to deal with her massive tantrums, she has started wrecking my home, so not funny.

Any feedback from anyone going through similar would be really appreciated.

Keep the Faith.

Sole residency? Well good luck to him but I doubt he'll get far with that!
I'm sure the courts would like to see some consistency. Has he got a court order at present?

hi please help me my ex is asking for sole custody of both my children but my eldest does not belong to him he dosnt have a pr order on either child but has told the court that they are unssafe with me what do i do please help me

hi just wondering what the outcome of this thread was?

Reading these messages I realise I am not alone. My ex won custody of my eldest son because I was neglecting him, according to Cafcass. He has Aspergers and I was told I had caused him to have this medical condition. My other son (by my new partner) is not being neglected, obviously because he has no medical conditions. I wanted to appeal but the Cafcass officer told me she was very willing to shove my youngest child into care for no reason if I didn't give my son over to my ex, I couldn't risk it. My eldest son is very withdrawn when I see him and his development is now behind that of my youngest. If anyone knows of a group that is willing to go against these evil Cafcass people please let me know.