Would you tell the mum?

[Trifle]

Some friends came over today with their children and their 10 year old dd told ds1 (9) and ds2 (7) a rhyme that included the works s..t and f...ing b..ch. I'm astonished at her really as her parents are extremely hot on manners, rudeness, how essential it is to be nice, even the word 'stupid' is banned in their house. If they knew what she had said they would be absolutely horrified. I am very good friends with the mum so should I tell her?

Of course if they all made friends it would be wonderful but the reality is if they are together for a short space of time and in competition they are going to enjoy some rivalry. That's what i remember from being young and my experiene as a teacher.

He loved the whole rivalry thing( and the swearing). They spend so much of their time being 'well behaved'. I suspect many of his stories were grossly exaggerated though.
He said his fists were sore!!

I think it was grossly exaggerated-otherwise it would be on the front page of the local paper.

For sure!!!! But it made him feel very puffed up with the camaraderie of it all. of course I would much rather that everyone could get on and have fun (sigh).

Well, just to let you know I did tell the mum as she happened to pop round unexpectedly about 5 minutes after I posted. Anyway, upshot is their DD came round this morning to apologise (her parents wishes that she did this as they felt it was the best way to deal with it). I told her that the sort of people who used those words were not particularly nice and as we thought she was a lovely girl it would be better if she didnt use them again. She agreed, job sorted. I think it was handled well and she now knows the boundaries.

I agree that it is about boundaries. We tell our DC that we do not want to hear them swear. Nor do we want them to swear infront of other adults especially grandparents.

However it's unrealistic to expect them not to swear with their peers.

No let it be.If they are regularly talking like that their own parents will hear and sort it out.

Sounds a good outcome Trifle.

Yes of course tell her. Wouldn't you want to know if it was one of your children?

If a parent rang me and told me that my 10 year old had said that, I'd be embarrassed, but I'd also think WTF are you ringing me about it?

I'd obviously tackle my child and tell them it was unacceptable, but kids are kids, and they love the naughtiness of swear words.

I would not ring another parent and 'tell' on his/her child, but I would have a word with the child in questio next time I saw them.

nope...i wouldn't tell her

I have found the following to be an extremely effective way of dealing with the uncomfortable situation when children swear around my pre-school children - in the park, in the street, etc.

I point out to them very calmly, but firmly, that being old enough to swear means that you are old enough not to do it when young children are around.

It doesn't alienate or humiliate them, or even chastise them. It just makes them think a bit. It's a bit of a backhanded compliment really that addresses the reality that all kids do it, whether they are the middle class children tasting the forbidden fruit or those who hear that sort of language all the time.

Annner

Do the middle class not swear then

Yup, of course they do. They just tend to be rather more hypocritical and try not to do it in front of the children - hence the shock when the children come out with it.

HOW CAN THEY!!! DID THEY HEAR US???? YOU SAID "BUGGER" LAST WEEK IN FRONT OF THEM! etc.

Seems to be how it is round here, anyway.

Trifle You did the right thing telling the mum. I cannot believe people who say "do not tell anything , that is what kids do" Yes it IS what kids do because nobody tells them they should not. The fact that some adult swear does not mean that children should be allowed to! Or is everybody here OK with children drinking alcohol and smoking?