Has anyone had a baby whilst living with their parents (or inlaws?). It looks like I am going to , and I'd love your top tips for coping.

[Astrophe]

DH is looking for work, baby number 3 is due in 16 weeks, and we are living with my parents. He is still applying for jobs of course, and we are still hoping, but I'm starting to feel like I should prepare for the worst

No, we were lucky enough to get a council flat in time - have you no chance of getting a LA place before then? (assuming you've applied for one, sorry)

Do you generally get on with your parents? If you've got two DCs atm, hopefully it shouldn't be that different - bright side, they could be a lot of help.

We had to go back and stay with my MIL when DD was 4 months old and it was... OK. I had to grit my teeth a few times, but the good thing about her being no.3 was that I was confident enough to ignore her if I needed to (if I'd done it with DS1, it would have been awful, she used to have me in tears when I only saw her once a week. Never intentional on her part, just used to use mouth without engaging brain!)

Fingers crossed your DH gets something soon.

We are not eligible for any benefits due to a complicated situation with finances - still trying to sort that too.

We do get on ok, but obviously its strained as we have been here 4 months now. I just can't bear the thought of not having the privacy to deal with BFing etc - when I had the first two, I hardly got dressed for a few days, had boobs out constantly, was dealing with awful stitches etc etc...just make me feel awful to imagine having anyone other that DH there. But yes, bright side id they will help with DD and DS...possibly come with a price tag though

Benefits shouldn't affect your right to social housing. We weren't eligable for anything either - just stuck in that rut of earning too much to qualify for help, but not earning enough rent privately at the time. Obviously don't know the system where you are.

Are they home during the day? I get what you mean by needing privacy, first few months can be hard. Do you have a room you can 'nest' in? Leave Dh and your parents to deal with the other Dcs and just retreat for a week or so. Don't try and be in the common areas until you've got yourself back together.

I lived with my parents and they were great but then I was on my own and would have had no support otherwise. Boundaries are a must and expect to keep reinforcing them. In the meantime keep a look out for housing. WE now live near my parents and they are still great.

Thanks for those ideas. My Mum means well, but is quite passive agressive at times - gets very upset when I am cranky with her, and then makes me feel guilty for upsetting her. TBH this is my biggest fear - Me needing space and insisting on boundaries, then Mum getting all upset and huffy and creating a bad atmosphere.

I lived with my sister and brother in law for four months when we had both just had babies and again for three months before we moved to Australia.

My top tip is not to ask other people to do anything for you that you can do for yourself. So if you need to go to the supermarket, take your baby with you rather than leave it with your Mum, even though it is obviously easier to leave him\her. I think that it gives them less 'interfering rights' this way. Do your own washing etc.

Thanks savoy - we are in Aus now - DH left his job in UK before the GFC kicked off So that is why we are staying with folks.

That tip is helpful. I think I let Mum do too much now. She get sup at 6am and does our washing (my kids sleep until 7.30, so I get up when they do), but then has a hump about having so much washing to do. Thinbk I need to keep our washing under lock and key!

How about preparing the ground beforehand and having a chat with her about what you want. If she does lay a guilt trip on you, you will be better able to deal with it now than when you have a newborn and are feeling fragile/emotional. Getting up and doing your washing is CRAZY behaviour!! Good luck!

The thing with my mother is that to even attempt such a conversation would deeply offend her. I did once sugest that I might just keep our washing in our room (rather than in the laundry) and then I/DH could do it, and she was very upset by that idea (I think I still need to do it, especially as baby will create so much extra washing - but you see what I have to work with here!)

She really does mean well, but is extremelt sensitive, and expacts our relationship to be sunny, happy, close, cheerful at ALL times, otherwise she thinks she has 'failed'. Arrgh.