Did you ever think you'd stop at one child?

[BeatrixRotter]

Just wondering if I am going through a phase as at the moment I feel as though I don't want any more children. My DD is 9 months and lovely, I feel like I am only just beginning to get my head around being a parent and I find it hard work and rewarding in equal measures.

I've made so many mistakes along the way, nothing serious, I just did not have a clue what I was doing. We're having a few sleep issues at the moment and I'm not sure I could cope with another child.

If I didn't have any more children we'd have more time and resources for DD in the years to come, but then I worry a bit about her missing out on siblings. I was one of four and my parents never had a spare penny but also there was not a great deal of time and affection for us all. I don't think being an only child is a terrible thing, but then what do I know?

I am just wondering what others think? I appreciate I might not have a choice in this and that many people don't.

We have got through nearly 10yrs with one DC, I found adapting to parenthood quite hard and circumstances never seemed right to have another. Am now 37wks pg and it's not been easy to add to the family as I originally thought. Going through mc I kept thinking if she's all I have I'm so lucky but as a family we're really excited about having DC no 2. Your DD is still so young, you may find yu change your mind about having another as she grows

You still have time, BeatrixRotter, it's very early days for you, it doesn't matter how many people tell you how hard being a parent is, it still comes as a shock. My DS is nearly five and has been pestering for a sibling for the past two years; but now it's too late as I'm starting the menopause and my DH and I both feel too old and tired! I still don't know how to explain this to him, without going into too much detail.

You are feeling tired at the moment and can't make decisions like this, but it WILL get easier- meet up with friends who have kids the same age, you'll find plenty who are in the same boat, although sometimes too shy to talk about it.

Sometimes you just have to wait and see; what will be, will be!

I was only having one until Dd was 2, then I was only having 2 until Ds was 2..... 9 months is still very little, why don't you wait and see how you feel in a year or 2. Theres nothing wrong with having 1 or with wanting more, I presume that you don't have to decide right now.

Enjoy your first then in time usually as your friends start having their 2nd you either get broody and follow suit or think just one is cool.

Like I say go and enjoy your baby dont even think about having no. 2 the first 18months I think are magical.

I was an only child and found it very difficult (we lived away from all of my school friends so was quite isolated out of school hours too)

after my eldest was born I decided I could only have one due to the traumatic birth I'd had - famous last words, I've got four now and although I'd not change them, or my life for the world, its hard work.

still early days for you, see how you feel once you are not having sleepless night anymore for a start it does get easier...promise!

You could be going through a phase or this could be it for you if you choose.

My DS is 16 months and we would dearly like another and hopefully it will happen with time. If I look at my peers (the ones who had a child at the same time as me) very few are as ready as we are for a second. For me it is age related ..I just want to get on with it. I am also one of five and the age gap between all of us is only 6.5 years so we are very close in age.

Another friend just lost her mother (who she had a terrible relationship with) and now feels that family is really important so has had another planned in less than 2 years.

One of my other friends is horrified I am even thinking of another so soon ... although she would like another baby one day, maybe.

Another friend could never imagine having more than one.

Another friend was horrified when the other friend announced she was pregnant (at her son's first birthday party) and thought she'd never want to have another child ... has now decided a few months on that she would love to start thinking about having another.

Sorry for the long post. Hope you get to the point where you are happy with what you and your DP decide.

Isn't it weird how we are all different.

I think that when your first is still very little it is hard to know whether you will want a second (or more). After DD1 I was sure I didn't want any more, but soon after she had turned one I started thinking about it, it really hit me out of nowhere that I did want another after all - it was a complete turn around. I was soon pregnant with DD2. I knew immediately after I had DD2 that I would want another and indeed I am now expecting DC3. I feel strongly that this is the last now though.

I'd suggest that you don't give it too much thought at the moment. Somewhere along the line you will know whether you want to go for another one - or not.

We always said, 'oh probably only have the one, one will be enough for us, lets see how it goes but probably just one' but looking back, I can now see that we did not ever say it with any real conviction. We are now expecting no.2 and I can honestly say right now that I always knew really that we would have more than one.

I always thought that I wanted one child only, I am one of four, so know the other extreme

it's only now that I am considering another, my dd is 6

I always thought I would have more than one child, but, having taken me a lot longer than expected to get pg, I was 38 when I had DS. I never felt that I would be able to cope with a second until he was 4 or 5 and by that time I felt I was a little old, particularly considering how difficult I'd found getting pg the first time.

So DS is only child. He does sometimes say to me he would like a brother (most impossibly an older brother!! ) but on the whole I think we are all quite happy as we are.

Would never do it again, felt like this very early in pregnancy, and have not changed. Love my dd to bits, and would not want to be without her, I just don't feel a need to repeat the experience, or wish for any more additions.

glucose - I feel exactly the same the as you.

I am an only child and was adamant that I would have more than 1, but had a pretty grim pregnancy, birth and PND, and 4.6 years on just feel that 1 is enough for me.

Thankfully DH feels the same and DD is not remotely interested in having siblings .

Being an only child is not that bad. We are not automatically spoilt or selfish - that depends on the parenting and can afflict siblings too! I can't remember feeling I was missing out as a child at all - you can't miss what you've never had.

Now I'm an adult I sometimes wish I had a sibling to share responsibilty for my parents, but I know plenty of people with siblings who they aren't close to and who don't give a toss about helping with ageing parents, so there are no guarantees there anyway.

It's early days for you, but seriously I wouldn't worry either way. So long as you and your DP are happy with whatever decision you make your DD will be fine.