DD1 (11) is acting strange and I'm very worried about her.

[IfAtFirstYouDontSucceed]

I'm normally a bit of a lurker and too shy to post but I am worried about my soon to be 11 year old DD1.

During the last couple of weeks she has become increasingly (and infuriatingly) quiet. She will answer people that are speaking to her but it's usually one word answers and she seems really vague. (It's like she's stoned!)

She is very active and goes to karate 2 nights a week for two hours. She is also in The British Gymnastics Squad, and they train 3 times a week for 2 hours. She looks very pale at the moment too.

I have asked her if everything is ok at school etc. She is adamant that all is well and there isn't anyone being mean to her, but she is very different. So much so my friends and the few family members we've seen have commented on how odd she is acting.

I have this morning spoken to the school and I'm waiting for her teacher and/or learning mentor type person to call me back.

Does anyone think this could be the beginning of puberty? She shows no other signs btw.

I am very worried, but don't really know what I should be doing to help her if anything.

Any advice would be great and thanks for reading.

If she's pale and tired, could she be anaemic?

My DS is 11 and is similar to this he also does a lot of sports and out of school stuff.

He stops speaking or mutters and tends to go off to his bedroom for a few hours I think it is the beginnings of puberty and also pressure from SATS he told me the other day how much it was stressing him out .

Is your dd doing her SATS this year ?

Thanks Pesto- I should have mentioned that I have made a doc appointment for her for tomorrow to see about the possibility of her being anaemic.

Thing is though, she's always been pale and anaemic looking.

yes, she's doing SAT's this year. She is aware of the reasons for SAT's so I don't think she's too concerned about them, but I could be wrong.

I wish they came with a manual. (Children that is not SAT's!)

Maybe she's just exhausted.

10 hours a week physical training on top of SATS year at school is quite hard work, maybe she is ready for the holidays just to have a bit of relaxation time and chill out?

Does she sleep well? How is her eating?

I was thinking anaemia/illness too. Make sure your GP gives her a full general health check and ask for a blood test, if only to stop you worrying.

i don't see why it would be connected to puberty particularly,it could be a number of things like
tiredness
illness
preoccupation with something

always think about illness if she is much more fatigued than usual or if she is cancelling practicesetc
bear in mind this is quite a secretive age and could she be worried about something embarassing such as she has started periods early,has bowel problems like losing blood etc

Sidge- I have spoken to her Karate coach and told him that she would be missing karate for a couple of months until she had finished with her gym competitions. I agree, it is a lot of hours training.

She is not sleeping well and has never been a good eater.

Castille-I will definately ask for a full health check, thanks for that suggestion.

morningsun- It was getting to the point that I felt like I was forcing her to go to karate, which is why I've stopped it for now.

i do think you should have basic checks such as
~urine dipstick for sugar[diabetes]
~blood [anaemia and inflammation]
~weight if you think she may be underweight

Is she a bit of a deep thinker? My dd is 10 and thinks and thinks - almost too much - and gets a bit worried sometimes about where she stands in the world. I have to drag it out of her though. Sometimes I don't think she knows what's wrong herself.

We have a few tears sometimes. Basically I get the impression it's realising she's growing up and she feels small and scared and quite happy as she is thank you very much just being a little girl at home and doesn't want anything to change.

We just have a quiet chat and a cuddle and I tell her nothing needs to change until she feels ready for it. It's all quite overwhelming at times

It could be that she is not enjoying her gymnastics anymore, if she is training hard, my daughter started gym when she was 3 by the age of 7 she was training two hours on a tues, 2 hours thurs, 3 hours sat and 3 hours sunday as she was so good went in for her first competition in a South East Wales championship and took gold in everything, she was a natural, I trained up as a coach to help her as I was staying anyway at all the sessions. She started to get withdrawn and moody and then when I would get to the gym she would start crying, I told her she didnt have to go if she was unhappy but she wouldnt admit to it, turns out weeks later that she thought she would let me down !! Even though I told her there was no pressure and secretly she would do me a favour because I had an older child and a baby who my husband was looking after while we were at the gym she was a different child when she gave up so happy. She did go back then when she was 9 but was too behind the others and got fed up she now acts sings plays piano and is soooo happy.
Also at the gym and karate do you think there might be anyone dodgy!! Im sure that is not the case as they dont normally get the chance to be with a child on there own but its worth asking. Of course then it could be bullying at school. I have been through this with my son and we did sort it out, having children is so hard as you want them to be happy and protect them I have cried so many tears and still am I am at the worst time now with a 13 year old daughter, its a constant battle but we love them so we plough on, hope it sorts itself out.
Kind Regards

TsarChasm your post has really struck a cord. My 9 year old (10 in Aug) has been very quiet and lacking in concentration at home and school lately - she's a deep thinker too.

I need to have a quiet sit down with her tonightI think

Has she got her period yet?

TsarChasm-This sounds like her. She is very wise for her years and very sensible. It's the lacking in concentration thing that you mention of your own DD that I have noticed in mine.

GAJ- It's the other way round for DD, she loves gymn but I think is a bit fed up with karate.

They have also stayed over with my Dsis and her boyfriend the last couple of weekends. I had a horrible thought when you mentioned anyone dodgy as her strange behaviour seems to coincide with them staying over there. I'm probably over reacting massively though. I will try to have another chat with her after school today.

No period yet, infact absolutely no signs of puberty.

Maybe all her friends are starting their periods, and she's a little embarassed not to? That kind of physical workload can (I understand) delay puberty a little, or she may just be a late starter? Were you? And I know that 11 isn't late (would've been quite early back in the 70s) but puberty onset's been creeping forwards over the last 15 odd years (from what I've read) - 11 is the new 13 bodyclock wise.

DreadPirate- I was just 13 when I started. A couple of her friends have started their periods very recently too.

Does anyone know if it there is a particular order in which puberty happens? I mean will she have started developing breasts before she starts her period, or does it not work that way?

For me personally, it was breasts, pubes (just 2 or 3) then period.

So much TMI...

I can remember being really worried about periods when my friends started to talk about them, let alone actually have one myself!! It could be something like that worrying her.

You are doing the best for her by noticing in the first place something is up and talking and listening with her - good luck!

My DD hasn't started her periods yet (at 11.6), but she has teeny breasts and has had a massive growth spurt since she turned 11. But her best friend who is exactly the same age is still tiny and child-like.

Gymnasts tend to start puberty later than average don't they? Like dancers and other athletes - all that training slows it down. And she's probably quite slight too, I'd imagine?

Yeah castille, you're right. There are pics on my profile of her. She is very slight and child like.

oh dread you've just reminded me of those awkward times starting to grow boobs and pubes. Come to think I did start getting boobs first. Thanks for your TMI!!

My dd is similar (what lovely children btw ifAtFirst!)

She's dainty and gentle and loves playing with her younger brother and sister (well...mostly) and likes girly things but is still a little girl. Quite arty and as I say a big thinker.

I think at this age they do start to notice a bigger picture, which for girls, probably now more than ever before, looks rather scary when they peep over the parapet!

All I can do is reassure her. That she is safe, I'll always be there for her and she doesn't have to make huge life changing choices today.

Also be very honest about how she's changing. That feeling confused is all ok and quite normal. A few boring old stories I dredge up about me which she seems to like. Just keep the communication open, but without letting her dwell on it too much.

We've usually got nice things coming up - even little things - outings, friends for tea, holiday etc to jolly her along if she gets down. Mostly she's full of fun, but sometimes yes she does get blue and little things seem magnified which perplexes her a bit.

Thank you! Your approach seems good. I will steal it if ya don't mind and have a talk tonight.