Does anyone else get totally fed up and weary of the constant daily battles with a toddler?

[Ceebee74]

The whole day seems littered with mini-battles with DS1 (2.8), such as what he will be wearing, getting him to have his nappy changed, getting him to get dressed, getting him to eat his meals, getting him to clean his teeth, constantly asking him to stop hurting hassling his baby brother etc. All things that need to be done clearly but why do I have to battle/persuade/force him every single day.

Just for one day, I would love him to just do everything without questioning/procrastinating/p*ssing about - oh what a joy that would be.

I just don't have the energy some days to deal with it - although he is so cute and lovely (some of the time).

When (if ever) does it get better??

I as so with you...my 2.7 year old DD is both a joy and a pain full of endless energy.

I ty to give her as many choices as possible, which prevents arguments/tandrums and battle on the few things that are important to me, (i.e. No hurting anyone, wear seatbelt/reins) and and let my standards drop on everything else...LOL

Giving DS1 choices just seems to increase the battles as it takes him forever to decide or he will mess around and change his mind over and over again! Although if I didn't let him choose what he wanted to wear, things would be much harder!

Starlight I am an expert at bribery/negotiation now

A sample from my day today:

Me: Do you want the blue top or the red one?
Ds: [after 10 mins of ahh-umming] Red one.
Me: [starts to put on red top].
Ds: No! No! The BLUE one! Mummy! I run away! [runs to bedroom and throws himself on floor sobbing]

[later]
Me: Time for lunch!
Ds: No, no, no! Not me! No! I playing!
Me: OK, well I'm having mine anyway, you do what you like.
Ds: (sees me eating). I want lunch! Pleeeeease!
[I point out his plate on the table]
Ds: No, not that lunch! I want different lunch!
Me: That's what there is. I'll eat yours as well then, shall I?
Ds: No! No! That's MY lunch! [grabs plate and in his haste tips it on floor]

Ds is 2.8 as well. I completely sympathise with the feeling that you would enjoy just one moment in the day where they do what you ask...

It passes soon though. Right?

Let them do as much as they want on their own, or at least that works for me. My DD(2.7) insists on squeezing the toothpaste on herself, putting her shoes on (usually wrong feet), brushing her hair (the wrong way), dont even try to force her to eat, I just let her get down if she doesnt want it and give fruit if she doesnt like food, let her climb in her car seat herself (she goes mad if I try and lift her in). I just have to factor in lots of time to get things done, and make it seem like she is getting her own way all the time. The only major battles I have are getting her dressed and getting ready to go out, I often lose the plot with these two. I end up dressing her while shes watching TV to be honest, and resort to bribes a lot when I need her to get out or do something I want.

Glad I am not the only one!

Jimmy those conversations sound SO familiar! Except I would get:

Me: What top?
DS1: the blue one.
Put blue top on
DS1 No I want the red one, I said the red one
Me (biting my tongue): Ok then sweetheart, lets put the red one on then.

Cazwa I also get DS1 dressed in front of the telly with the threat that if he doesn't sit still and let me do it, then the telly goes off It works but I am so fed up of having the same discussion every blardy morning!!

Yes. I could end up resuming smoking at this rate.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease say it doesn't go on for years

4 and 6 here and we're pretty much out of it except when they are overtired.

God yeah!!! Every minute of the day is a new battle. The other day ds (26mths) wanted his red top on, we put it on, he changed his mind, wanted his truck top on, we put it on, then he decided that actually he wanted both on at the same time . So of course we had a Huge paddy! His sister is nearly 4 and adds to the mix constantly. Never a dull moment here. Thank goodness for the mummy-juice (large glass of wine) when they are tucked up for the night.

It doe get better! But in the meantime..... I have a ds 2.10 and he's just started all this. Drives me NUTS! But I find that if sometimes not giving him the choice works. I don't mean in a dictatorial way, but perhaps just give him his clothes rather than offering red/blue top.... He'll kick off but soon get the idea. I also find....and this is the really hard bit...consistent calm on my part works. Don't let the &%s get you down. A lot of this is them enjoying winding us up.

Haha, if only I could practise what I preach!!

I like to let ds (3.4) make his own choices too, but sometimes I'm a bit mean with the options.

He slept in late yesterday, so while he was sleeping I got his clothes ready for nursery. Of course when he woke up he didn't want those clothes and started screaming. I gave him a choice then but the options were
(a) put these clothes on now and we'll go down and have breakfast or:
(b) stay upstairs while I go and have breakfast, and call me when you're ready to put these clothes on.

He decided (thankfully) to get dressed and he forgot all about the tantrum and put the clothes on happily.

Sometimes if he doesn't want to get out of his pyjamas I say 'that's ok, you can go to nursery in your pyjamas then, come on, let's go' to which he usually responds 'No, I want to get dressed' so I say (staying jolly)'Oh good, come on then, let's get dressed'.

I call his bluff a lot so he thinks he's doing what he wants to do, but actually he's doing what I want him to do!

I tried to call bluff on DD once. Lets tidy up these books (well loved story books) or they'll have to go in the bin. She called my bluff, OK, bin then and took them and threw them away !!!

I offer nice choices where either option is right. Do you this or that ?
I sometimes offer not-nice choices ? Either put your shoes on or go to bed ?

TBH choices work quite well for us. What I need is someway of controlling her outside a sling/pram. Reins sometimes work but not always, sometimes she hangs off them which I hate.

I used to find that if I made "joke choices" ie a ridiculous alternative to what I wanted, my DD would cooperate quite well. It still works reasonably well and she is 4.4.

Eg

"Would you like to brush your teeth now or have a crocodile bite your bottom?" (DD runs to brush teeth

"Would you like to put your clothes on and come shopping with me or would you rather stay at home on your own for a couple of hours?"

Etc

I like the idea of joke choices. Might try that later with ds (potty training).

the other thing I've found that helps is giving them plenty of notice about doing things.

e.g. "I'm going up stairs and when I came down we'll get you dressed", "we're going to go out when the big hand reaches the 12"

I do the same as Anna, I find that a bit of humour and silliness can diffuse any potential strops quite well.

I've started to use reverse psychology with DD2 (2.4) recently and even that doesn't work. Sigh.

It does get better ime when they are about 3 (girls) 4 (boys)

Agree with BonsoirAnna.

Hmm. My first effort didn't quite work as intended.

"Would you like to go on the potty, or be eaten by a great big monster, ds?"

[eyes light up] "MONSTER! Want to be eaten by a monster! [mimes eating me]

I will persevere though...

Oh no, my ds is only 18mths and your telling me it gets worse.

Took two of us to get him ready for bed last night, one to corner/hold him down the other to get him dressed.

This morning - over an hr to get dressed .
Mum: time to get dressed
DS: na, na, na (runs away, turns round blows rasberry!)
and so it went on.

So he ran around with no clothes on, pretending not to be cold till I got him in a body lock on the floor .

Thats pretty typical of most daily events - complete resistance, if i'm lucky its mixed with tantrums - oh joy!

You are not alone!

Tis v.hard, ds2 (2.3) was driving me mad last week and dp doesn't cope with him at all. We were both dreading bedtime, then ds1 came to the rescue and suggested the 'run around game' whereby you say 'go', lo's run round and round, pause (lo puts an item of clothes on) etc etc. Has worked like a charm every night this week. There do seem to be certain times of the day where the pedantic, fussy ocdness starts so we're trying to come up with decent distractions for them. I don't think it's worth trying to expect them to be reasonable, just distract distract distract and bribe. I thought the MN toddler book had some good ideas too. I did find understanding what they're thinking/going through at this age helped me to deal with it better, I'm rereading my parenting books again right now! Seems giving them advance warning is one of the best ways - they don't switch easily between activities at this age. And saying exactly what's happening that morning - we're going to go downstairs, get our coats on, get in the car and drive to the supermarket etc etc. And praise anything they do to the hilt goes without saying, ds2 and I are currently doing hifives for anything from putting his wellies on to taking the compost out.

They're meant to get reasonable at 3 according to Christopher whatisname but we're getting tantrums still at 5.3!

Message withdrawn

Danae - fridge therapy.....I love that idea!

Danae - fridge therapy.....I love that idea!