Do you ever imagine something terrible happening to your babies?

[Whitty]

Is it just me?

A few nights a week my husband works late, and its then that my imagination goes to overdrive.

I will put the boys to bed, and go in the shower. I then think how terrible it would be if someone broke in, and stole my babies, whilst I was in the shower.

I often think stuff like this.

Does anyone else?

Oh I do that too Meglet. And it has got worse now dd1 is bigger...she could fall out of the windown if left open a tiny bit.

On the other hand it does get baking hot...but then should I raise the blackout blind a bit to let the breeze in. Oh but then she will wake early. She would be safe it she woke up early, but I'd be knackered at 4am...so it goes on.

I'll get a grip if you will.

My current one is worrying that DS will - for the first time ever- climb out of his cot, over the stairgate, come down stairs, climb over the stairgate outside the kitchen door and rummage around the dishwasher and start playing with the just washed knives.

I read the 70's parenting thread the other day, I am trying to relax, honest!

Oh my god this is hilarious!!!!
lol lol lol lol

Goodness sake!

Meglet, I do exactly that, my husband always insists on the boys having their window open, but I hate it. We (me and boys) are all sleeping in our bed at the mo, so hopefully we still will be in the summer, so then I will keep my baseball bat next to the bed ready to attack when someone breaks in through the window!

Actually that really could happen. Scared now.

When dh is here I go to bed without a second thought. When dh is away - which is at least one night most weeks I have to check under the bed and in the wardrobe. Now I know that there's nobody in there but I have to check. I find what onepieceofcremegg said very interesting because I don't think I'm checking out of fear - I know there's nobody in there but I still have to check. Feelings of responsibility, being the only parent here, make sense as the reason - it's my way of mentally checking I've done everything to keep us safe. Either that or I am in fact a total loon.....

I do that OP. Always think about the worst thing and it drives me mad. A mate of mine said a coping strategy is to not give the thought any credit. Just think 'what a stupid thought that was' laugh and get on with things. I always got urges to put my little girl in the bin. It was the pressure of having a helpless baby in my control. Now she's 4 I don't think anything like that as I know she could get out again.

I had this too - I spoke to docs and she said to imagine to scenario to its close, then you would feel better?
I used to be terrified of the fontanelle on my DD's head, that something sharp would fall in it!!!

God I'm so glad it isn't just me, I feel like a right loon at times.
When I was PG I used to have a terrible scenario that would run through my head whereby I was walking down the stairs carrying a glass/cup back to the kitchen. I would trip and fall, the glass would break and stab through my bump into the baby and kill them.
I told DH and he really did think I had gone a bit mad.

I'm not as bad now that DS is here, but I do sometimes find myself thinking - argh what if I fall down the stairs and bang my head and am unconscious and no-one knows until DH gets home from work, and poor DS crying and not knowing why Mummy doesn't come!

I had a subtly different experience.

When DTDs were born they were in intensive care/special care for the first 3m. Whilst I was still an inpatient (therefore early days and very highly emotional) one of the "dinner ladies" opened the dinner cart too close to the smoke detector and set off the fire alarms.

The first things that i thought were that my babies would be trapped on the 5th floor of a burning building. Helpless. That there was no way that the staff could evacuate the 20-25babies on the NNU and that there was nothing that they could do to escape. That there was nothing I could do to get them out (I didn't know it was a false alarm at this point).

From that point on that was my main concern every time I left them. How would they get out out of the 5th floor in a fire? (irrespective of all the medical problems)

When dd first got bunk-beds - around age 5- she prefered the lower bunk and wanted DH to (pretend to) sleep on the top.

I stood there, rigid as a board for fear of him somehow collapsing the beds & crushing her. Just thinking about it now makes me hyperventilate...

Yes, it's all too familiar. It is a riotous imagination. Just try not to give it any worth.

It's a reaction because you are suddenly in charge of a little soul and it's a coping strategy. You are trying to come to terms with your own power. I'm haunted by some of the things that have happened (little things) and what could have happened.

Maybe you're getting a sense of how precious life is... it's natures way of getting you to protect your little one.

How old are you DC's by the way? I'm sure you've said, but haven't read entire post. I can say that when they are older it will ease off a little.

yes, all the time for the first year. Less so now he is older, but still occasionally have flashes of fear of what could happen.

Not pleasant.

Oh my god Alibaba I have had exactly that thought! Except in my version, I am dead and DS is crying beside my cooling body for hours.

Mind you, I am awful for imagining the worst. Ever since my mum killed herself I instantly jump to the absolute worst in any scenario. Dad home late from a gig? He's obviously been killed in a car crash. Partner late home from work? Clearly he's been violently mugged and left for dead. (Imagine how hilarious it was when the worst did actually happen - again - and my brother's back ache turned out to be cancer. Ho ho.)

So all things considered I think I do pretty well to keep my biting fear about my DS under control! White knuckle pramming along the canal path, maintaining cheery banter with him while ignoring the persistent visions of me/him/us both hurtling down the stairs and crushing our skulls, it's all in a day's work.

Yes, so much in the first year or so that it scared me. The scenario would take hold in my head before I had time to stop it. Now he is 4 (and have 2 other dc) the scenarios happen less often but I do still get them. Horrible. I've learnt (sometimes) to actively think of something else and tell myself to stop being so silly blah blah.

Hate it when I sometimes toss and turn in bed if I can't drop off to sleep because inevitably a horrible scenario will pop into my head and is harder to shake off with no distraction like in the day.

I used to think I was a loon too until I discussed it with some close friends (who all do it too!) Really not nice though.

Just wanted to mention - in case any one reads this thread who has got past the 'I do this, isn't it weird' stage - as mentioned by some of the posters this is normal, until it becomes a problem, and then it isn't anymore, and then you should probably talk to someone about it.
I had this, would imagine scenarios like I'd somehow let go of the pram and it would roll into traffic, or would somehow drop DS out the window (a window that doesn't actually open ). Could rationalise my way out of it, until I reached the stage where I became terrified that simply by having the thoughts it would make me do the things I was scared of. When I had a flash about having an accident driving with DS in the car, and became so scared I stopped driving, and then had another about DS drowning because he slipped when I was bathing him, and then couldn't give him his bath that night...well, then I knew it was past the rationalising stage and took myself off the the GP and was diagnosed with PND.
I saw a counsellor and came off the mini-pill I was on and recovered well. I do still have occasional 'what if' moments, but it doesn't affect my actions and I recognise it as 'just an intrusive thought', and nothing more sinister.
If you ARE being negatively affected by these sorts of thoughts, do discuss it with your HV or GP.

I have always done this, even before DS was born. It started (I think) when I watched the Final Destination films. But every time I hear of an accident it gets worse! Now I have something else to be scared of!

Horrible. My recurring one is fire though and I have had that one all my life. Had to sleep with the light on for a while when I was a child as I'd suddenly have a vision of my bed bursting into flame in the darkness. (Somehow the fact the flame would be less visible in the light helped!) Now I calm myself by thinking don't be silly - we are all safe. The smoke alarm works. But it won't happen anyway.

Most recent is every time I travel in the front of a car I keep having flashbacks to when some tit went into the back of my friend's car when she was giving me a lift with both our babies in the back. They were fine and it was very minor but scary!

I still remember the exact situation I first had a thought like this: ds was a tiny newborn, I was changing him on the floor in the living room and it was tipping it down with rain outside, really lashing it down. It suddenly occurred to me that there was nothing and no-one (dh at work) to stop me from opening the patio doors, laying him on the grass in the rain and leaving him there, all wet and cold I could almost see myself doing it. I didn't do it obviously, but the power of the thought was so strong that I can still remember it 4 and a half years on.

No-one warns you about this before you have a baby!

There are two different things going on here, aren't there? No, three.

1. Fears of what might happen (accidents, etc) to child.
2. Fears of what we could do to child.
3. Fears of what might happen to us, and how it would affect child.

I have all of these on daily - no, hourly basis!

I carry on, but it does suck the fun out of a lot of things. Feeding the ducks for example. Trying to stand in front of the pram wheels, while holding pram handle too, giving DS2 tiny chunks of bread (choking), keeping eye out for swans (viscious) and strange men... Ugh.

Thank god its not just me

Dc are 8 and 5 and that my thoughts are normal

This is a good thread

I get this - oh thank god I'm not alone. I actually cried to mymum about this the other day thinking it made me a horrible mum.

I have the falling-down-the-stairs-carrying-her one (unless I am actually carrying her down the stairs - reality not as scary as imagination). I also have one where I Bf her in bed and think "oh god, if my arm slipped she'd bang her head on the corner of the bedside table and it might kill her" It makes me feel sick but I've never slipped when feeding her so I don't know where it comes from.

When she was first born and the baby blues kicked in I used to cry that she might die, I might die or DH might die/leave me.

When she did her first 5 hour stretch of sleep at night I woke her up because I thought she was dead.

My mum reckons its just called "being a mum" and I'll think like this forever now.

I'm another one that is thanking the bejesus that this is fairly common. I have even imagined the funeral of either DS, myself or DH before I find myself doing it and think you freak. I am still convinced that because everything in my life is so wonderful at the moment (apart from the MiL) that something will go horribly wrong because real life isn't wonderful. When DS was 4 weeks old, I thought he had stopped breathing one day (he hadn't and was just in a very deep sleep) and my first thought before my brain kicked in was "I knew this would happen" like I had resigned myself to it, rather than knowing that I am just irrationally obsessed with his breathing.

I have this too and i agree that it is probably due to us caring for another person. i always worry that i will let go of the pushchair at a main road- makes me shudder. The world has become a dangerous place since having dd.

I can't go in a car without panicking these days, if the children are with me I think they are going to die, if not then I am and they are going to be motherless.

DH drove all the way to Kent for my friend's wedding with me white faced gripping the edge of the seat convinced we were going to crash any minute. My shoulders were still aching 3 days later where I'd been so tense.

If the kids go out without me it's the worst, I can't focus on anything until they are home with me again.

In the early days I had a few panicky moments and a couple of horroble horrible thoughts of what was possible to do to DS- like the poster who thought about leaving her DC in the rain.

But I had read a thread similar to this when I was pg so knew it was normal (so long, as others have said, it doesn't get out of control/stop you doing things).

Someone had written 'thoughts are not facts' and I remembered that when I had a weird one.

Those have gone now but I do sometimes have morbid thoughts of what could happen- when we go for a walk with DS in his pram there is a long footbridge over a really deep and fast river and I occasionally have this thought that the bridge will give way and we'll be swept under and I won't be able to get DS out of his straps. I don't stress to much about it though- if it meant I couldn't go that way or go for a walk at all then I'd be worried.