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Parenting

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Original poster

What would you do if your 7yo stole £20 from you then gave it to another child at school?

23 replies

mummynumber2 · 26/03/2009 21:15

It's actually my DSS, who stole it from his DM. DP (and I, to a certain extent) has always been responsible for dealing with this kind of thing but to be honest we're at a bit of a loss.

He's admitted to taking the money from a pot at his mothers house and said he took it to buy a toy he wanted. But he won't explain why he gave it to the other child.

There have been a few other instances of him taking money in the past but usually coins, which he's said he 'found'. But nothing like this.

What would you do?

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janeite · 26/03/2009 21:16

I would be worried about bullying.

janeite · 26/03/2009 21:17

Or him feeling that he is having to 'buy' friends.

Hulababy · 26/03/2009 21:17

I'd be investigating further, and possibly contacting the other parent too. Could potentially be bullying/

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ingles2 · 26/03/2009 21:18

I'd be talking to the other mum. Is she a friend? Are the ds's friends?
Then I'd talk to the school to see how dss is doing socially.
He's only 7, there's got to be an underlying reason for this. £20 is an enormous amount of money at that age s it must be significant

CrushWithEyeliner · 26/03/2009 21:18

Yes my first thought would be bullying definately.

Trinityrhino · 26/03/2009 21:19

I agree I would be worried about him
Hope you sort it out

ingles2 · 26/03/2009 21:19

buying friends is what pops into my mind too janeite.
I've seen my ds2 try to do it. He's 7 as well, but has used match attax cards instead of money.

Original poster

mummynumber2 · 26/03/2009 21:20

Bullying has gone through our mind and it's something we've asked his teacher about but while we haven't completly ruled it out it seems unlikely. The other boy is a friend of his and he went home and geva the money to his mum explaining that SDD gave it to him

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Haribosmummy · 26/03/2009 21:20

Am agreeing with Ingles.

£20 to a 7YO is a LOT of money. There is SOME underlying reason behind it!

ingles2 · 26/03/2009 21:21

Aw bless he is trying to buy friends. That's good that the friend gave it to his mum. Can you have a chat with her?
Do they have playdates etc?

GossipMonger · 26/03/2009 21:22

i dont think he would understand that £20 is a huge amount of money though and doubt he knows the value of it.

My ds likes to give money to friends and it is usually change from dinner money.

Speak to other mum as she wont let her son keep such a big amount!

Original poster

mummynumber2 · 26/03/2009 21:24

In a way is it possible that the amount is irrelevent? Maybe what he saw was a £20 note so that's what he took.

There is a lot of 'swapping' going on in his class at the moment so it's possible that it's connected with that.

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GossipMonger · 26/03/2009 21:26

i think the amount is irrelevant.

ingles2 · 26/03/2009 21:27

you're right about the swapping. Match Attax and pokemon and some other ball thing are huge at our school. If they don't collect (like my ds2) they feel on the edge of the crowd. Do they swap at your school?

Original poster

mummynumber2 · 26/03/2009 21:29

DSS does collect all the various 7yo boy swappables! I've actually been worried about the swapping for a while.

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Original poster

mummynumber2 · 26/03/2009 21:34

DSS has always been very generous and big hearted with his things. Even as a toddler he would happily give away his toys to another child. I suppose I worry that his nature would be taken advantage of by other kids when swapping.

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ingles2 · 26/03/2009 21:40

I think you need to look at the swapping then. Have you asked him why?
I do know that the boys in ds2's class do an awful lot of,... well I've got this and you haven't. They're also very free at calling each for lying and asking each other to "prove it!"

Original poster

mummynumber2 · 26/03/2009 21:56

We have asked him why and he just says 'I don't know.' Which is a common responce when he doesn't want to answer a question.

It's quite sad that they feel they need to impress each other with posessions/ money isn't it Ingles. I'm fairly sure this is what was going on here.

But for whatever the reason he still stole the money. Not sure what to do to stop that becoming a regular occurance.

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ingles2 · 26/03/2009 22:02

don't worry mummy, it doesn't last too long. Ds1 is 9 and it's a distant memory.
What sort of punishments do you dish out normally?
I do removal of computer time/playstation etc. ds2 is not really into all that though.
Recently he took some match attax of his brother and gave them away.(so same situation really)
Luckily we got them back (it was only bloody Fabregas!!! ) and I made him give one of his teddies to the little boy in return. That definitely shocked him.

ingles2 · 26/03/2009 22:02

off

Simplysally · 26/03/2009 22:05

Does he see it as stealing or is he allowed (or thinks he is) allowed to help himself to anything in reason and this happened to be what he saw?

I'm not trying to condone it but trying to see it from his pov. Obviously it's wrong - when I read the OP I thought bullying.

I bet you're all devastated, I would be if my dd did this . I couldn't rest til I'd got to the bottom of it.

Is it worth having a word with the teacher/other parent about the class dynamics as well?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 26/03/2009 22:12

My step brother is what my mother calls a 'people pleaser'. He wants people to like him and buys things for them. It would be quite sweet if he wasn't 30 years old and in tremendous debt

I would ask him gently why he feels the need to buy people presents or give things away. Ask him what would happen if he couldn't buy his friends presents. Would he still have the same friends...

Original poster

mummynumber2 · 27/03/2009 19:56

Thanks for all the great advice.

Ingles, taking away tv, computer etc. doesn't really work much with DSS either. His usual punishment involves the confiscation of one of his toys for an amount of time. This time we were thinking of making him give one of his toys to a charity shop. That really would shock him!

Simplysally- yes, he does know that taking things that aren't his is stealing. On a few occasions recently we've explained this to him when we've found coins etc. in his pocket. We've also warned him (probably a few too many times) that if he takes things that aren't his again he will be in big trouble. Having said that I do think we need to get to the bottom of what exactly is going on. DP has been to talk to his teacher, who is aware of the amount of swapping going on and does not think that DSS is being bullied.

Ilovemydog- That sounds like a good idea. I really do feel for DSS and would like to allow him to realise that he doesn't have to buy friends before he's 30!

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