3 day old and 2.5 year old, any top tips on coping with 2?

[Gemzooks]

DD came along on Sunday! DS is 2.5 and wants to be nice, likes her but is finding it hard, and I feel so guilty that his life has been disrupted so much! He is with his dad a lot, inevitably at the moment, and as we had home water birth(which he saw due to it being so quick), I couldn't do much with him the first 1-2 days as I was recovering myself.

any tips on how to make him feel better whilst not neglecting the baby would be great! She 'bought' him a present, which he loves, I'm trying to make time with just him (hard at the moment as establishing breastfeeding). It doesn't help that his favourite nursery worker (he goes 3 days) is leaving TODAY, bad timing but can't be helped..

He is sleeping and eating ok but doing a lot of attention seeking like throwing things and refusing to do things (normally very good). DH is tired and not used to being with him quite so much so has been a bit grumpy with him, which makes it worse.

any advice much appreciated!

Hi Gemzooks, we are going through the exact same, only DS is 3 and DD 2 weeks old!

The best advice I had so far was from a midwife on our local team. She told me to make a big deal of doing the little things - eg, 'I'm just going to put your sister down now so that YOU AND I can go TOGETHER and make a sandwich / empty your potty / look for that story book...'

I'm feeling like I can't do right by everyone - DD seems to be so neglected to me, but friends with two have laughed and asked just how damaged their second children are by this 'neglect'. And of course they are lovely, happy children!

Tough isn't it?

COngratulations on the HWB too!

DD2 was encouraged to help with small tasks that involved her in looking after DD3 like nappy changing-'helping' to wipe the bum and us talking about strange newborn poos!, washing her head when she was washed, choosing her babygro etc.

Also the classic story whilst breastfeeding which I have to say was slightl less successfull. It may depend on the temperament of your older child.

Congratulations btw!

No advice really as I think they just get on with it/freak out randomly no matter what we do (to some extent) but just to say that I survived! And it does get easier (and harder in spurts). However, I went from nice, calm reasonable mum to shouty, sergeant major mum and have never quite got my old calm self back after having dd2. So take it day by day and don't beat yourself up.

Congratulations on your DD!

The first few weeks are tough going - Captain Karvol's advice sounds good, but don't beat yourself up if you plonk him in front of CBeebies while you sort out DD.

I did a LOT of that in the first few months (DS1 was 1.11 when DS2 arrived) but once we got a bit more sorted and I learnt to juggle two of them, and we went back to our usual round of toddler groups, soft play etc, everything settled down.

Your toddler has a short memory and soon won't remember what it's like not to have your DD around too.

Congratulations on your new DD! I have a 2.6 year old DS and a 9 week old DD so the same as you but a few weeks ahead! DS was the same as yours, very demanding in the first few weeks and I felt awful for disrupting his life so much and not having the time/energy to play with him. But already I've noticed that he now seems to have completely accepted DD and is just about back to his normal self.

I agree with what others have said. Try and do little things with him while you are breastfeeding (if you can BF one handed!) - drawing, reading, singing, etc. I know its really exhausting getting out of the house but my DS loves going to the park because it means DD will be (normally) asleep in her pram so I can devote all my attention to him for an hour or so (and it wears him out so he's not throwing himself about the house all day!)

And things like getting him to give her a hug and a kiss - DS loves doing that (although has to be very closely supervised as he tends to lie on her!)

I think I posted on here about the same thing a few weeks ago and it has already become much more manageable (I couldn't imagine it at the time!)