23mth ds2 wont let me put him to sleep- help!!!

[wheelybird]

ds2 and me have a great time during the day and i can do bedtime routine right up to the point where he gets into bed then cries, gets out of bed etc. if i try to get him back in he has a tantrum. BUT with daddy he settles with no problem. same if he wakes during the night, goes mad if its me, back to sleep with daddy.

dont know what approach to take, any advice??
thanks x

Hi Wheelybid - I have come to sympathise and share your problem. My ds is the same with daddy. He only wants me to settle him. He gets very upset if daddy tries.

We tried me leaving the room and daddy staying, but ends up in such a tantrum of screams, throwing things and banging his head against the wall that we have given up. Terrible. We're in a fix and finding it hard to find a way out. It's too distressing. What have you tried?

btw we tried a reward chart for a dressing problem and it worked brilliantly. Wonder if it would work for a bedtime routine ...?

hi frankcj. at the moment we haven't really 'tried' anything. we have always taken it in turns to put him to bed so at the moment on my nights i read story give milk etc put him in to bed then he starts crying and daddy goes in and settles him.

it is hard, tbh i feel a bit rejected, but then he wants me all day and daddy at night so i dont know whether to just go with the flow, or will i end up never being able to put him to bed??

Honestly? You make the rules as you are the adults. I absolutely agree that you should take turns in putting him to bed. I really don't think that you should take it personally - rise above it and put it down to his age.

I think on your nights it might be worth telling him 'what's going to happen' at bed time while you chat during his dinner or just afterwards or at times through the day. i think it's when their expectations aren't met, it sends them in to a tizzy. Really - tell him a few times throughout the day that it's a mummy bed time tonight and that you are going to do x,y, and z and then mummy is going to put you in to bed etc. And then absolutely stick to it and under no circumstances should your DH go in as that will undermine you both terribly.

It will all be ok I promise. x

thanks for the advice
we've had a few weeks of sleepless nights with this, and it gets a bit hard to see things clearly!

or you can let DH do it all until the phase passes or you can do it all until he's happy with it.

Essentially, you choose!

it is very hard though

dear thankyouandgoodnight,
your advice worked. i talked about mummy putting him to bed and then just got on and did it, couple of stories milk cuddle and bed-- no tears, no getting up!!straight to sleep.

thank you

Wow that's brilliant Wheelybird. I really keep my fingers crossed that continues working. I'll try that and report back on how I get on! We've tried explaining at bedtime that DH putting him to bed, but not with reinforcing it during the day.

Btw, the reward chart thing seemed to work for us last night though but not sure it will continue to.

Oh good
They love knowing what's going to happen and seem to get alot of reassurance from being told continously what the next sequence of events are going to be.
Funny creatures smalls aren't they??