Feel like such a crap mum

[christmasmum]

Hello

I'm a regular lurker here but haven't posted yet so first, hello!

Second, am I the only one that feels like such a rubbish mum?!

It seems to come so naturally to some people and I find everything so hard. I think I'm essentially far too lazy to make a good mum. I mostly use jars of food with the odd leftovers of my dinner for her food - anytime I've tried cooking she throws it everywhere, and while I know that's normal I can't be bothered making food for her if she's not going to eat it!

I even find playing a nightmare, what do you do to entertain a 15 month old for any period of time? I mostly just let her get on with crawling around the lounge while I sit on the sofa. Even chatting to her is impossible. How long a conversation can you have when the only words she can say are duck, fish and mama??

All my 'baby friends' seem to be saying how much they love it and isn't it amazing. And quite honestly all I can think is - what am I missing?

Sorry - what a first post. I suspect I'll have to change my name now.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Lots of mums feel like you - I certainly am not a natural mum either. Mine are older now (4.5 and 7) which does make it a bit easier, but I remember only too well those endless hours of day time with an all-too energetic LO. I'm afraid I don't really ahve much advice - I didn't really find the answer myself, but I am sympathetic if that helps.

I generally love being at home with DS, but at 15 months he was smack bang in the middle of the hardest phase of all (IME and IMO) and it was pretty much hell.

What helped was building a weekly timetable with an out of the house activity happening each day - this can be as simple as park on Monday, library on Tuesday or as elaborate as a million different toddler "classes." The important thing is to get out of the house, and if at all possible make some friends to chat to.

I consantly ask myself the same question!

Everyone else always looks like they are having fun while I spend my whole day shouting! I would say if your dd enjoys playing on her own just let her. It will be no time until she is pestering you to do stuff with her. I think sometimes people interfer too much.

I can never face the messy play thing at home so go to a toddler group to do it.

My ds2 is 18 mth and generally real fun - his sense of humour is coming out and he's able to do lots more. However - he still entertains himself for about 70% of the time - sometimes more.

Don't worry and don't compare yourself with other people - they may have very needy babies.

Thanks guys, I'm sure you're right. It just seems that my friends all have super advanced babies (all 5 walking by 9-10 months while my DD is still only taking her first hesitant steps now ) and I'm starting to suspect it's something I've been doing wrong! Maybe I should have been going for the all organic food, classes every day and baby signing DVD's in the car approach like they all have!

I'm really looking forward to actually being able to interact with her a bit more. I love toddlers (I know, I know, I'll be taking that back soon) because at least you can talk, paint, make things, bake... I can DO toddlers. But I'm rubbish with babies.

We do play for a while, but 5 minutes of hiding the ball under stacking cups or throwing it to each other seems a lot longer than 5 minutes with a cuppa and a magazine let me tell you!!

I found that age really hard to deal with (i have very little patience). ds is 3.6 now and its soooo much easier. ds only had a couple of words then too and wouldn't play on his own and needed constant watching otherwise would be getting into lots of trouble. I second the other post of getting out of the house. we went out every day, even if it was just a walk (a tediously slow, backbreaking, womble-y) one to the post box, a trip to the park, the local farm, swimming, anything to pass the time, and somewhere where they can run around and take the lead. otherwise you just spend your whole day getting cross with them.
Early walking doesn't mean they are any cleverer (sp!) than your DD. I did find with ds that Something Special on cbeebies really helped him communicate with us, the signs took out of some of the frustration for him.

I agree it's much easier being out and about. We had short bursts of playing in the house at that age but it does get boring when there isn't so much they can do!

We went out twice a day at that stage. Something more adventurous in the morning like meeting friends, supermarket, park, toddlers, whatever. Then in the afternoon after nap time a walk to look at the horses in the field (never imagined I would spend so much time examining and commenting on every aspect of every horse/dog/cat/stone we passed when out for a walk) or a quick walk up to the shop (for a new magazine!).

Before long your dd will be able to listen to simple stories, play with dolls etc, sing songs with you, and watch TV for more than 2 minutes!

Mine are now 7, 5 and 3 and I wish we weren't rushing around so much!

Christmasmum, if funds permit, have you thought of putting DD in nursery for a day a week. It will give her a change of scene and a full day with her peers, and will give you a much needed rest. You may think you're lazy but I'd bet my bottom dollar that you spend all day running around after DD.

I wonder if you are underestimating a bit what she CAN do? Some of the games you mention sound a little bit young for 15 months.

My DS is the same age (and not especially advanced I don't think!) and I've found that he can now do a lot more - he likes scribbling with crayons or painting (usually at toddler group to avoid the mess!), imitating things we do like cleaning (with a cloth and empty spray bottle), and watching us do things like cooking if we try to involve him by talking through things, showing what we're doing and letting him touch/taste/smell things. He is also just starting to like "pretend" toys like toy cooking things, teasets, wendy houses and so on.

I agree though it can be quite boring for mum though! But am sure you are not a rubbish mum, just try not to compare your DD with others too much as they are all different.

Maybe I am underestimating (or as George W would have it misunderestimating, love that phrase...) her but when I have tried those things she seems about as interested in cleaning as I am! She does 'help' me sort out washing into piles and investigate cupboards while I'm cooking and wipe down her highchair etc. Perhaps I should get her doing things a bit more - like your idea with the spray bottle

I suppose I'm just having one of those days when you just feel so much worse than everyone else you see! Always happens after a day with my friends, watching their children running about while my DD is crawling after them. It probably sounds like protesting, but I really am not bothered about her not walking yet and seeming to be so far behind the others of her age. I know she'll catch up and tbh I wouldn't swap her perfect sleeping for anything...!! But what does get to me is the sympathetic looks from the other mums and the "don't worry, she'll walk soon" comments and ESPECIALLY all the 'helpful' tips about how to get her walking.

It's just maybe starting to get a bit paranoia making now, that maybe I should have been doing x/y/z to get her walking sooner, eating with a knife and fork and reciting from Shakespeare!!

My experience, certainly of early motherhood and reading all those development chart thingies in the "What to Expect..." book was that in a positive mood you could run down the things and find at least seven things in the "utter genius" category that you can tick off - i.e. you've sort of seen them do it once or twice. A few months down the line when they really and truly do it properly (and at a more typical age) you think ooohhh that's them really doing the skill and it's unmistakeable. Baby wasn't really doing that before. Oops. I bet your friends are guilty of this on lots of things, particularly if they are genuinely pushy enough to play babysigning DVDs in the car

You have definitely fallen in with a bunch of early walkers because at 15 months it's not at all unusual not to be walking yet. My DS was slightly behind the curve, walkingwise and I got quite neurotic about it before he finally did it, so can sympathise.

christmasmum my ds only took his first step at 15mo, he's 19mo now and bloody hard work....enjoy it while it lasts. I found it hard too, still do to be honest but never ever think you're a crap mum. At least your baby is loved and fed, and to be frank, who gives a toss if it's jars? At least you care enough to feed your child. Not everyone is a natural at this, you're finding your own way and as long as the baby is cared for, cuddled and fed, the rest of it is just details. Give it 3/4 months and you can get your bum down the park, knacker the baby out on the small stuff and have a nice few hours to yourself.

Christmasmum - i sympathise having a DD who bum shuffled around til age 2! she's made up 4 it since!