Moral support here please while I listen to ds scream and sob himself sick for dh

[phdlife]

We are trying to teach him to settle for dh, on the grounds that any day now I'm going to pop out #2 and may occasionally be busy. 7 minutes in and he's already hiccupping with grief

I can't go anywhere or do anything except listen, so come and keep me distracted or I'll go running in there like the total wuss I am...

How old is he?
And if he settles well for you why can't you go to him?

Oh, dear. My DS was a bit like that, he is much better now and loves spending time with his dad.

There's a big difference between sobbing alone and sobbing in daddy's arms...

FWIW, I popped out #2 two weeks ago, and DS has been surprisingly fine with going to his dad rather than me, and has even started staying in his own bed all night (previously unheard of), so there may be hope..

Juule he's two weeks shy of his 2nd birthday. I am finding it physically extremely difficult to settle him as he is still desperate to lie in my lap (all 3 inches of it) so there is a LOT of thrashing and kicking, and bad as it is now I really can't see how that will be sustainable once I have another little one who may need feeding at awkward times, etc.

Plus (and I know this is stupid but I am hormonal so bear with me) one of the biggest things stressing me out about actually having the baby is anxiety about how ds will cope if I'm not there for a couple of days. I need to know he will be okay, iyswim - let alone any other family members who would like to help out!

thanks, CaptainKarvol, I needed to hear that

I worried about how my dd (same age as your ds at the time) would be without when I went into hospital to have ds, but it was immediately obvious that she was FINE - trips to the park with dh and grandparents, ice-creams, lots of attention and generally being spoilt. In fact she was having much more fun than i had been giving her in the difficult heavily pregnant weeks before the birth! She came in to visit me and happily went off again after the visit. I'm sure your ds will be fine.

thanks elephantjuice. I hope so. he's just starting to get used to me having occasional days away at work but bedtime is, or has been, a whole different matter.

dh settled him tonight by getting him to help put Tigger to bed, tell Tigger a story, etc. dh BRILLIANT.

Would it not be better if you went out of the house and said that you were off to the shops, or a friend and would be back soon? He may then accept DH. If he knows you are around he thinks, probably correctly, that if he cries loudly enough you will take over.

I was really worried about DD when I had to go into hospital to have DS but she was absolutely fine.

Does your DH do other fun things with your DS? If they have had a great day doing something that your DS likes then it is a continuation of the day when daddy puts him to bed.

you'd think, wouldn't you MmeLindt? But apparently not

I knew someone who had a very similar problem this was solved in part by explaining to her ds all the stuff that was in her bag and how she couldnt go anywhere far without all the stuff in her bag - keys,purse with money in etc etc then she used to leave her bag with her ds as an assurance she would be back - (obviously she had to keep another bag with all her 'real' stuff in - in the car) and she used to leave her bag with her ds if she had to nip out etc etc - this seemed to work well although i think her ds was slightly older and the good point was she got a new handbag and her very un p.c dh had to look after their ds who took a handbg everywhere with him .

lol nickschick, that's brilliant!

Have been doing the same recently with DS (25mo) for the same reasons (no.2 due in 4 weeks). I went out for dinner with friends on Weds so DH had to do the whole bath and bedtime routine. Apparently it involved 25 minutes of piteous howling for Mummymummymummy but he did settle in the end and slept without any problems, and doesn't seem too scarred by the ordeal (nor does DH).

Hang in there, it'll all work out (it has to, right?)

I see it this way: No one likes change. We moan and have a glass of wine, little ones cry. Sometimes change is necessary.

It will pass and you will be glad you did it. just as I am having done controlled crying with ds and now he goes in his cot awake, smiles goodnight and sleeps until morning.

There are 2yrs between my two (they are just one and just 3 now). I often fed my DD (younger one) with DS laid across my legs and DD laid on top of DS. If he wants a cuddle and to be quiet, he will be happy to have DD on top of him. Often as well, I sat under a quilt on the sofa with DS next to me whilst I fed DD. I think you will still be available to your DS and I wouldn't worry about it for now.

Up until dd was born I put ds to bed every night except when I was working evening shifts. If I was there he would kick up a fuss at me not doing it, if I wasnt there he was absolutly fine. Now ds and dd have both just been to bed by dh as im having the best mothers day ever! And they were fine with it.

And although I know this isnt helpful, when dd first came along bedtimes were hell. Pure hell. She always wanted feeding at bedtime and if I did manage to feed her on my lap ds would want a cuddle whilst I read to him. So getting dh to get used to helping now sounds like a good idea to me.

Phdlife - it will be fine and it is always good for little ones to get used to being settled down by different people; my DS1 was a bit like that (they go through quite a clingy stage between 1.5 and 2 anyway) with DH trying to settle him initially; then it got so he preferred Daddy settling him to Mummy (think it was the novelty as DH is often at work in the evenings at DS1's bedtime so when daddy was home, he wanted his daddy). Now he's fine with daddy, mummy, his nanny, grandparents etc. settling him. My no 2 arrived 6 weeks ago - DS1 (nearly 3) did initially become abit more clingy with me but the great thing about newborns is that they sleep loads, so actually the first few weeks of juggling DS1 and DS2 at bedtimes on my own were fine. Its only been in the past couple of weeks that it has got more tricky when on my own, but to be honest, DS2 gets ignored abit (he wants a feed and I ignore him) until I've got DS1 down to sleep and then I focus on DS2 and getting him to sleep.

Phdlife - DD was like this and I was so worried I cried all the way to the hospital when I went to have DS. She was fine and when she came to the hospital to meet her brother the next day, DH said it was the first time she'd run to him not me. Having a new baby around she instantly understood where to get the undivided attention from. Secretly I think my DH was pleased to have this role, we split our time like this for the first few months and they are now so much closer than before. I hope it all goes well for you, good luck!

phd: could your DH try when you are out of the house? DS1 will rarely settle for DH if I'm around, but is fine if he knows I'm out