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Parenting

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Is this bullying?

8 replies

elephantjuice · 19/03/2009 13:51

Would really appreciate your opinions.

My dd1 is almost 8, in year 3. She's been having problems on and off for a while with one particular girl in her class, and lately it has been getting worse to the point of dd often being upset in the evenings and saying things like she feels she doesn't fit in at school and is often alone.

The girl in question is nothing like any child I have ever met before. She is unbelievably confident and you feel like you're talking to an adult when she talks to you. She's definitely the ringleader and struts around the playground with her groupies walking slightly behind her. She has one particular friend who seems to be the constant sidekick and the other girls seem to go in and out of favour. I think almost everyone finds her bossy and most do what she says. The problem is that my dd has always stood up to her and doesn't always do what she says. I'm really proud of her for that, but it seems that little miss ringleader has got wind of this and is excluding her more and more and telling others to do the same, like some kind of professional power struggle!

To complicate the matter further her mum is a teacher in the school. I know and like the mum. I did try to talk to her about it once but she dismissed it saying "That's just girls, you have to just ignore them."

Is that true? Am I making a big deal out of this or is something more going on?

OP posts:
Nabster · 19/03/2009 13:56

Of course she is going to say something like that when she perceives you are criticising her daughter.

I think you need to talk to your daughter's teacher.

It isn't a big deal when it is upsetting your daughter and bothering you.

Flyonthewindscreen · 19/03/2009 13:58

I would go and speak to your DD's class teacher. If your DD is often upset it is not making a big deal to find out what is going on.

WowOoo · 19/03/2009 14:01

It is jsut girls - I know what she means.

Keep reassuring your daughter that ignoring her nastiness and being friendly and happy otherwise (even when she has to pretend to be) will see her right.

Tell dd to mention anything that crosses the line or makes her sad to her class teacher so this bossy boots and your dd can talk with teacher present.

christywhisty · 19/03/2009 14:02

It does happen all too often , dd was a victim of it at that age, however girl in question has changed considerable and they are now best friends.
It is bullying and it's not acceptable. I spoke to dd's teacher about it at the time and she agreed, she spoke to the girl in question and it did stop.

elephantjuice · 19/03/2009 14:04

Really Nabster? I would take things like that seriously if it was the other way around, I would be open to being told negative things about my kids. It's not nice obviously but I know they are far from perfect. And she seems to be a good teacher which is why I wondered if she just had more experience than me and I WAS making too much out of it. Also I can't imagine she hasn't noticed some of it for herself as she's in the school all day and her daughter is known for being something of a madam.

I talked briefly to dd's teacher a while back and she went over some strategies for dealing with bossy people etc, but tbh dd is good at standing up for herself. I think that's the problem, it may have gone further because the girl sees dd as a threat maybe.

OP posts:
elephantjuice · 19/03/2009 14:08

Another weird thing is that when it's just the two of them (they both happen to go to the same sport club and we have shared lifts a couple of times) she is nice as anything, presumably because dd is all she has then. She seems to know that she can't make her do as she says and when there's no one else to play with she accepts she can't be so bossy.

OP posts:
elephantjuice · 19/03/2009 14:13

I just asked dd if she had said anything to her class taecher - she said if she tells her anything she tells her to stay away from the girl. Easier said than done though as only 6 girls in the class and often bossy boots has them all doing her thing.

I think teachers get fed up with tale-telling and squabbles and sometimes don't listen when it's actually something serious.

OP posts:
Nabster · 19/03/2009 14:34

No one has more experience when it comes to your child than you. I don't care what the books say, there is no average child who will fit all the sometimes crap that books say.

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