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Original poster

this is so not good

59 replies

sheena1 · 19/03/2009 10:58

Yesterday I went to a child protection meeting and was shocked at what i learned
here goes

There is no leagle age for a child to be left on there own if they are sencible and mature.

Take a 9 yr old boy for example if you pop to the shops and tell ur friend across the road ur going they pop in and out to make sure boy is ok and he can go across at anypoint
the social dont have the right to enter ur hoe and snatch a child they phone the police they enter get child

ur charged with neglect goes to court and is chucked out becauss u have a procedure in place ie friend across road knows boy is on his own

is it just me or is this utterly rediculas .

i am in scotland btw

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 19/03/2009 11:27

Hassled, I think you may run into trouble if said 9yo lay at the bottom of the stairs for an hour because there was no-one there or (in this hypothetical situation) bleed out from a head wound from falling down the stairs - again because no-one was in the house.

Hassled · 19/03/2009 11:30

I see your point, and I just don't know. Would it be neglect? It certainly couldn't have been predicted - does that matter? We need a lawyer in the house.

KingCanuteIAm · 19/03/2009 11:34

I suspect you will find it would depend totally on the SW who took the call, the SW who came out, the police who were consulted and, ultimatly, the judge on the case!

I think the way it tends to work in practice is that leaving a child may not be neglectful unless something goes wrong in which case it is. Which doesn't help anyone much!

StealthPolarBear · 19/03/2009 11:36

" I imagine a lawyer would struggle to prove that leaving a mature 9 or 10 year old in a child-proofed house for a couple of hours max was neglect. "
Interesting to know whether they would take into account the longer term safety aspects. IMO not teaching children how to look after themselves / fend for themselves / answer the door and phone appropriately is as much neglect as leaving a kettle within reach or your prescription drugs on the table.

KingCanuteIAm · 19/03/2009 11:39

Probably not Stealth, at least not if you were arguing the case when something had gone wrong. That is exactly the argument you would use if they turned up when nothing has gone wrong though.

It is a bit of a double standard one.

But anyway, WRT the op, your point would have had much more validity if you had made the argument about a 2 or 4yo which is a bit more difficult to understand, however, I still think this is one of the last bastions of "parents decide what is best" we have and so I am keen to see it left well alone!

thumbwitch · 19/03/2009 12:05

I walked to school by myself from infant school age - admittedly the infant school was right next door to my parents house, but I had to go right round the perimeter fence to get to the school entrance (except once when I was really late and Dad dropped me over the back fence!)

Junior school was only 5 mins away but needed a lollipop lady to get across 2 roads - but everyone walked to school then so I was rarely on my own. Most of us were without parents at that age though.

By 11, I had to get a bus/walk/cycle to school by myself. No big drama.

I was left alone in charge of my twin bro and sis at age 13; pretty sure it wasn't younger. But I had been left alone on my own in the house from 11 onwards.

IF the 9yo is reasonably well-behaved and sensible there isn't any problem with leaving him for a while - presumably he has been told not to play with the power tools/sharp knives/ gas fire etc, not to open the door to anyone or leave the house (as I was) and to call a neighbour/relative/mobile number if something seemed to be wrong.

This uber-mollycoddling of children is getting ridiculous and I for one would be extremely unimpressed if a legal minimum age were introduced for leaving them on their own.
Having one for being left in charge of other children is a different case, of course.

SoupDragon · 19/03/2009 12:07

I don't understand what the problem is.

OrmIrian · 19/03/2009 12:09

I think it's just you sheena.

StealthPolarBear · 19/03/2009 12:10

I think the OP considers it inappropriate for a 9yo to be left alone for any length of time. Also annoyed that SS can't remove a child immediately in these circumstances. I think SS can remove a child immediately (with the police) if they feel they are in immediate danger - is that right?

StealthPolarBear · 19/03/2009 12:11

which of course wouldn't apply in this situation

KingCanuteIAm · 19/03/2009 12:13

I think the police can enter if there is immediate danger yes.

Op, are you feeling battered down by the replies or are you re-evaluating your views? I just wondered why the post and run?

Original poster
sheena1 · 20/03/2009 11:50

I personaly dont think any child should be left until at least 14 + as long as there mature and sencible i am not implying leaving a 9 yr old is neglect i seem to be the lamb to the slaughter here where i was only saying
i used to know it as 12 yrs could be home alone and 16 to baby sit as long sencible

sorry had bad night with ds so wasnt back on

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 20/03/2009 13:10

Hi sheena
Do you really think a child shouldn't be left for even 10 minutes at 13 year old? Does it not worry you that they could have left home in 2 or 3 years, and are classed as an adult in 4 or 5?
Sorry if that's not what you're saying, not vlear if you mean overnight.
Hope you have a better night tonight - I sympathise!

smee · 20/03/2009 14:01

My SIL insisted on grandparent driving over a hundred miles to be in her house for 3 hours because she didn't want to leave her 13 year old for that long. Madness..

Original poster
sheena1 · 20/03/2009 14:11

10 mins ok not the same as 2- 3 hours or more maybe im just over protective but wen u live in a country/world like ours i have every right to be
but i respect every parents desicion even thought i dont agree . but we're all different

OP posts:
DSM · 20/03/2009 14:18

I don't think there is any need to be concerned about your opinion on the safety of the country or world when talking about leaving your child in your own house.

smee · 20/03/2009 14:20

So Sheena, I'm curious, would you not let your 13 year old out into town with a mate ever for a morning? If so, what's the difference with being at home, where surely logically they're safer. Am not having a go, I'm just really interested in all this. I thought my SIL mad not to leave my nephew, but my mum thought it reasonable.

Original poster
sheena1 · 20/03/2009 15:49

im not sure about at 13 but possible 14 but my dd is only 3 just now so no doubt i will have many situations where i need to change opinions wen she gets older .

being with a mate is diff from bein on her own

OP posts:
purepurple · 20/03/2009 16:10

my DD is 12 and lets herself in after school until someone gets home from work at about 5.
I also leave her at home in the school holidays
I did this with DS too.
I know my children and what they are capable of.

purpleduck · 20/03/2009 16:28

The thing is Sheena - if they are never given any kind of responsibility, they will never LEARN to be sensible.
Some children naturally are sensible - other children need to learn.

If my children were never given snippets of responsibility, I would worry MORE if they were out with friends for the first few times, as I think children sometimes take more chances when they are in groups.

MrsMerryHenry · 20/03/2009 16:42

9 yr olds in some parts of the world look after the home and their younger siblings. I really don't think staying at home for a wee while is such a big deal if, as the OP says, the child is sensible.

ThingOne · 20/03/2009 18:11

You wouldn't leave a child alone until 14+? Good grief! I was able to get myself home from school alone long before that and I will expect my children to do the same. Round here most children walk to the local secondary school from the word go.

Northernlurker · 20/03/2009 18:46

"maybe im just over protective but wen u live in a country/world like ours i have every right to be"

Nop you don't Sheena - nobody has a right to limit our childrens horizons because of our fears. Of course 'bad' things could happen - but they happen all the time to people who have done nothing controversial or 'wrong'. That's just how life is - uncertain, amzing and unpredictable. I firmly believe our job as parents is to let go of our fear and let our children learn so they can be good citizens, responsible for themselves and others. I have left dd1 in the house alone (11 next birthday) and dd1 and dd2 cycle to school alone with me cycling past the school a few minutes later to check their bikes are there so I know they are. Dd1 walks to and fro school alone sometimes as well, crossing roads etc. You cannot stop them learning these things because you are scared - you have to get over that!

DSM · 20/03/2009 20:28

Great post NL.

sheena - do you honestly think your children are going to want you to walk them to and from the school gates once they are in secondary school?

tummytickler · 20/03/2009 21:41

I think most 9 year olds are perfectly fine to stay home a while - and every parent will know whether this applies to there own child - for example my dd is 7 nearly 8 and i left her playing in the garden with a neighbours child whilst i dropped ds at his friends house. She was only alone for 15 minutes, and i have no issues with this, but i would never leave my ds, as he would feel insecure in this situation. I think it depends on the child - but i think you have to give them the oppurtunity to prove themselves to you when the child themselves feels happy and confident to do it.
We are taking a step by step approach with dd and we are currntly thinking about allowing her to walk to school on her own in 6 months or so.
I think it is important that hey can feel confident to be alone, and not just plunged in at the deep end at 13 to fend for themselves at secondary school
Although we do live in a small town, i may think differently if i lived in a big city.

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