Feed, Activity(Play) and Sleep cycles

[myw1]

Dear mums, I am new to mumsnet. I have a 13 weeks old DS who only catnaps 30min during the day and wakes up every 2-3 hours for a feed during the night. He always goes back to sleep straight after the feed during the night. But i would like to improve his day time catnapping problem. We have to routine at the moment because he wakes up at different times every morning and I don't want to wake him up at 7 to follow GF routine. I am nursing him to sleep both during the day and night. i have been reading many books on baby sleep. Many of them suggest to follow feed, activity and sleep cycles and let baby fall asleep by themselves. But I don't know how I can make DS to fall asleep on his own. He would just screams and screams when i put him in his cot fully awake and i don't want to use dummy to soothe him. So i just would like to ask you mums, do you nurse your baby to sleep and why all books say don't do this? If you follow the FAS routine, how do you manage to get your bub fall asleep on his/her own. It is like a fairytale to me. I don't even know how to start and what to do apart from swaddling him, putting him to the cot fully awake and watching him screaming. Any advice is great apprecited. Thanks

i just used to feed to sleep, enjoy him while he was awake and go with the flow

The 2 hour rule is pretty good...back to sleep 2 hours after morning wake up, and again 2 hours after that wake up. Watching for tired signs... I religiously watched for yawns to start with, by 2 yawns they were in their cot, if you got to the 3rd you may miss their window. At 14 weeks mine were all napping for 45 in the morning, (930) between 2 and 3 hours about 12-30 and agin a quick 40m mins about 4pm, although the pm nap stopped about now. I also didn't let them sleep within 2 hours of their nighttime sleep time.
I think at this stage feeding them to sleep at night is perfectly respectable!! As long as they sometimes go to sleep awake. I used Baby Whisperer 1st time, and tweaked it slight;y 2nd and 3rd time. Good luck

louloubelle, thanks, but how can I get ds fall aleep on his own without crying? I hate CIO and know it is not supposed to be used for baby young than 6mths. If I put him down at the correct timing, will he not cry then? Will have a try tomorrow. I b/f him to sleep both day and night and is a bit patrified by all those books which say don't do this. But is it possible at all for a 13 weeks old fall asleep on his own without rocking or feeding or dummy? Any mums done that and what are your secret of success?

some babies can self soothe. some can't.
it is ok to feed him to sleep if that's what he needs

your ds will get there in time. i'd say just take each day at a time and do whatever makes things easier for you, as you will be tired from waking at night too.

unless feeding him to sleep is a problem for you at the moment, looking at this again in a few months may probably be easier on both of you and he may have got there by himself by then anyway!

i used to get so stressed with my ds in exactly the same way at when he was about 3 months too. i got so frustrated that he used to just cry and cry and i knew he was absolutely shattered. i am sure he picked up on it. when he got to about 9 or 10 months, he just started sleeping for longer in the day. some babies just find it harder to get to sleep and stay asleep than others. so even if other mums say their bubs just "falls asleep", that is probably more the baby doing than some secret trick.

not sure if this helps, but things will even out in time. i found being a mum of a newborn tough, but being objective now, they need milk, comfort, warmth and sleep. and sleep can take a little bit longer for baby to sort out, but he will.

Hi myw1. Can you try to nurse him until he is full and almost asleep, but not quite? That way he'll get used to being put down for a sleep whilst still a little bit awake, and getting off to sleep by himself. Similarly, if he doesn't want a feed, you could use a dummy to sooth if he's a 'sucky' baby, but then take it out before you put him in the cot so he doesn't get dependent on it. Sometimes they just go sparko on you, and you can't help but put them to bed totally asleep, but if you can try to encourage them to be a little bit awake, it might help them to be better sleepers in the long run.

Also - if its the catnapping you want to improve (ie get him to sleep for longer naps in the day), it might be better to focus on that first, get a daytime sleeping structure sorted, then worry about the feeding to sleep later once he's been sleeping well in the day for a good couple of weeks. I think you should only try to tackle one problem at once, for your own sanity, and also otherwise you don't know what's working and whats not! So you could try to feed him back to sleep for, say the lunchtime sleep, to get him to sleep for a longer time (in a dark quiet room, so he thinks its like a night time feed), and then if you manage to get him sleeping longer then work from there...

I fed my baby to sleep for a year. It was the only thing that worked, but like you I worried endlessly about it.

He is now two and loves going to bed, snuggles down wide awake and goes to sleep happily.

I wish I hadn't worried so much, it got in the way of enjoying my baby.

misscreosote, i agree with you that putting ds down when he is sleepy rather than fully asleep and that is what i am trying to do. As with routine, because he only naps for 30 mins and then wakes up completely, i cannot have any routine. I tried all sorts of ways to extend his nap longer - make him really tired, put him down when he is not so tired, give him a bottle of formula in case he did not get enough milk from me, drive him in the car, take him for a walk in the pram etc, nothing worked. He would even wake up in my arms. He is like a clock - banging on the 30 mins. The only thing that can stop him from waking up is I catch the moment before he wakes up fully and quickly start to rock him and he would go back to sleep, but he then stays in a very light sleep and I cannot put him down to his cot again. So i am doing this every day - him in cot for 25 min and then i hold him to finish the nap. Then I worry he would get used to be held. Also because I feed him to sleep, so we cannot have a routine for feeding either. I feed him whenever he is tired and ready for a nap. If i don't feed him to sleep i would have to rock him to sleep which is not ideal either. He always sleeps in the dark quiet room for his naps at home - i am stuck at home all the time. I feel it's all a mess. All the books that i read suggest the only way to solve the catnap problem is to teach baby to fall asleep by themselves. But that means crying for ds and I don't think i can handle it.

Another thing I am confused about is should I wake ds up every morning at a set time like 7am to be able to structure a routine? He normally wakes up by himself anywhere between 8.30 to 9.30. I am dreading waking him up when he is still sleeping like an angle at 7 and I tried a few times which got him really upset.