Help me deal with dd's screaming tantrums please?

[fleurlechaunte]

I actually cried on the way home from school today after dd had yet another screaming, kicking rolling around on the floor tantrum. She is 2.6. This is the third one this week and it happens nearly every day. She then screamed all the way home and everyone was staring at me in disgust.

She recently did it on the bus and a middle aged women, told me I was an terrible mother and to "sort it out". It is not possible to "sort it out". Once she starts there is no stopping her. She makes this high pitched wail and just keeps on doing it and no amount of reasoning or distraction works.

Just saying "No" even in the most gentle of tones is enough to trigger off an hour or more of screaming. I have an older ds but he was never like this.

Please just some general advice on how you deal with it. I really am beginning to despair. I know this is the terrible twos but I just never expected it to be this bad.

DD1 is 2.10 and has been having exactly the tantrums you describe for a while now. Saying "no" again to her, or getting cross, make her worse. If I totally ignore her completely, she just gets stuck in a tantrum loop.

I've found the best strategy is to mostly ignore, but every few minutes to talk very calmly without saying "no." eg this evening she had a massive tantrum at bedtime as I wouldn't put more toothpaste on her toothbrush as she had sucked the first lot off. I went into her at intervals, told her she could have more toothpaste tomorrow morning when she cleans her teeth, and then kissed her and said good night. After 10mins of ranting, she calmed down and we said good night.

By the way, I don't always manage to stick to my plan, and sometimes do end up getting shouty out of sheer desparation!

Oh the tantrum loop. Yes I know about that. She has this wail that she does and it is as though she just likes the sound she is making because she will repeat it over and over again for an hour or more.

The word "no" just sends her absolutely nuts and she becomes completely unmanageable. I suppose that I just want to hear that this is normal because I actually find it quite scary sometimes and feel really judged by people around me who are listening and watching her performing.