What can I do? My son is so shy, when I am with him especially...

[chaliepud]

I am actually thinking I will talk to the HV or a psych but thought I would ask the experts first! My son is just 4 and has always been very much a mummys boy, he is only just starting to let his Dad gets his drink, play with him, tho is ok when I am out. He has a couple of good friends around his age who he plays well with and is very comfortable, tho not loud, at pre-school, where he does 4 mornings. He is at his worst when out an about, he just will not play with other children and shouts at me that he wants to go home, I think he is scared and feels so comfortable with me that he cannot play with anyone else. He is becoming mute when there are others around which is frightening. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice? He has an older brother and sister who don't do everything for him, and they are 10 and 8 and at junior school.

Bumping for you. I have the opposite problem. My DS2 is withdrawn at nursery but normal with me/on playdates.

I would consider reposting this on the special needs board because the "becoming mute when there are others around" bit is something you might want to discuss with other mumsnetters who have kids with something called selective mutism (have you heard of it?)

Can dad do more? is my first thought. But truthfully I think you are wise to consider talking to a psych because there are all sorts of conflicting courses of action you could take here and all sorts of theories we could come up with......

Hi chaliepud, I have no specialist knowledge or experience of selective mutism but did once fear DD had it - she would freeze in playgrounds, leave equipment if a strange child started playing on it, didn't speak for months when she started nursery, be glued to my lap at kids parties etc etc I could go on. When she started reception I gave a letter to the teachers fully expecting the same behaviour, explaining she might not speak for a while. They were fantastic and took me seriously but the fact is they didn't have to! DD totally confounded my expectations and suddenly became 'brave' and though she is always quiet in a group even in Year 1 and still has 'mute' moments in public, I no longer fear she may have mutism. I know school can have a magical effect on some children. Anyway, that's just my experience

Thx very much for your replies. Have a friend with a daughter with severe selective mutism and def want to avoid that, I know he can talk to others, he just seems to have a problem if I am around. I will start working on building his confidence, will arrange some low key play dates and try not to put any pressure on him, thx again x