Playdates - do you stay or do you leave - 5yo.

[TracyK]

I'm the only one among the other mothers from school that has just one child. I guess that has a bearing - but I kind of like company/coffee while ds plays with his friend.

Is it the done thing to hang around for a coffee - or drop child off and come back later?

My bf says they prob don't have the luxury to sit down and have coffee with me - if they have another 1, 2 or even 3 other kids.

What's the protocol??

Leave and have some time to yourself... then go back later to pick up your child.

I couldn't think of anything worse than staying.

I get round it by hosting the playdayes - i'm not yet comfortable of leaving DS in a house I havent seen. I work part time though so play dates are few and far between as I dont do the school run every day.

I leave and expect other child to be left

Thus far mothers have always stayed and I have always stayed. But I think that we are all moving towards leaving the children with mothers/children who we all know well.

DD (4.4) is still far too small to be left at the house of someone she doesn't know.

would it make me sound like a really negligent mother if I told you that DS2 (5) who's in reception went on his first playdate last Tuesday.

The mother (who I'd only spoken to for the first time when she invited him over although had "seen" her there on a daily basis) picked him up from school along with her DD and took him to hers. I have no idea (well I do roughly) where she lives and I didn't even realise that DS2's friend had an older brother in the same infant school

Ermm - so that would be a drop and run (or even get 'em picked up and don't even bother going out ) - only exception is my best friend who is invited over for coffee and her DD and my DS2 have a playdate by default

Sometimes you and the other mum just 'click' I met a lovely friend this way and we always used to chat whilst the kids played my older ds was equally 'invited' and we spent lots of time together with the 3 kids.

However another mum whose dd was often invited (with or without me) and she used to sit awkwardly on the sofa looking at her watching clearly wanting to leave-when my friend said she didnt mind if she wanted to leave her dd to play there for a bit she gratefully dashed off to return 3 hours later!!! she did have several other children though .

Depends on your child and how you feel about the other family too. My son's only okay with being left if he's already been there a couple of times and knows the child/ parent well. Whereas some of his friends are happy just to come straight back with us after school solo. It hugely depends on whether you like the parents or not too - who wants to spend an hour doing banal chit chat with someone you don't like...

have a quick coffee if offered and LEAVE.

dd's best friends parents stay and it drives me nuts. at the weekend i abandoned the father while i got on with cleaning.

I think it depends how the invite is made.

I have friends who I get on well with and I suggest a cuppa and the kids play together
then we have playdates when it isn't about us it is about the kids and I leave DS and if they come to us I don't expect the parent to stay.

Ds (4) has playdates with school friends. Their mums collect him when they collect their sons and I collect him on my way home from work. Don't really know other mums well but ds knows them and their ds's so I don't see the problem. If it is a weekend playdate I tend to stay as it is the only time I have to get to know other school mums.

Depends on the invite, though I must say that at 5 the solo playdate is more common now round our way. Why not do lots of inviting yourself, making it clear that mum/other children are invited too? can feel a bit daunting but as parents of onlies we kinda have to do it don't we! or organise a picnic for a few people in the park after school?

I would accept a drink if offered, but then leave, and would expect the same if the friend came round to ours, unless I knew that the child was particularly shy.

I have an only child and find that a playdate at our house means my DC is occupied and I get time to get on with the ironing/read a book/whatever.