Depressed by the relentlessness of routine??

[Greecelover]

Having followed Gina Ford's excellent sleep training advice I have a one year old who sleeps reasonably well (unless teething/ill/whatever) day and night, and eats well. He's very chilled out most of the time and I have a lot to thank GF for.
HOWEVER, the relentlessness of the same routine day in day out (up at 7, DS nap at 9, DS lunch at 12, DS nap 12.30-2.30, DS tea at 5, bath at 6, in bed and asleep by 7) is making me feel trapped and as though my life is hurtling past. I spend my life monitoring the clock. My DH works weird shifts so we never have any sense of a weekend and EVERY day is EXACTLY the same, bar meeting the odd friend/whatever.
I don't think there is a solution, short of changing DS's routine purely for my own selfish reasons, just wondered if there is anyone else out there that feels the same? Do I just need to 'get more of a life'??

i think you'll be surprised at how flexible kids are as they get older. just start gradually 15 mins or so this way and that iykwim.

however, i feel the same and ds doesn't nap and eat at exactly the same times. i think it's just part of being at home all the time!

one last post: i think you'll find it easier in the summer as you can be out of the house more.

Yes, I feel like this and my 2 arent that much into routine. I think its the constant cleaning/feeding/changing etc that takes up so much of the day. The only thing I can recommend is to get out as much as possible, visit friends/places/cafes (so you dont have to clear up after EVERY meal!!). It does get better as they get older I think, at least my older one can feed himself!

My DH works shifts as well and so the weeks are very random - this weekend for instance he is doing 8-4 which leaves me miserable as I have the pleasure of DD uninterrupted.

It is hard when OHs do shifts as it's quite unsettling really - in a way it's having no routine on that side of things which can make things feel never ending.

most day-to-day parenting is mind-numbingly boring, even without GF type routines.
Life hurtles by whatever you do - get out and enjoy it!

Hi Greecelover - we followed the GF routines as well and they worked fabulously for us as well. But I do know what you mean about the same same same all the time. To be fair, I think its like that for most parents when their kids are still so young, regardless of how they deal with sleeping and routines etc, and the only thing you can do is get out of the house as much as possible to keep your sanity. As TheApprentice says, there is just so much constant feeding/changing etc - but give it a few months and once your LO is walking, feeding themselves better, communicating with you more, it all gets SO much easier.

Also, you're not following the routine for its own sake - its there because by those times your LO is ready for a sleep, so its not as if there's really a way round it (apart from to have a screaming overtired child, which would be way worse). If there's something special you want to do, then don't be afraid to change the routines either - you'll have an idea of how 'flexible' your LO can be already I guess and what you can get away with before it all goes pear shaped, but they do get more and more flexible as they get older.

My thought is, what do you really want to do that you can't fit round the routine? Is it really that life is just a lot more restrictive now that you have a LO? Because that aspect of life really does take a lot of getting used to, for all parents I think. I found it really hard, and it must be even harder if your DH isn't around all the time at the weekend. Are there other friends you can arrange weekend things with, invite over for lunch whilst LO is asleep etc? Also, can you get some childcare for your LO for a couple of mornings or whatever a week, so you can have some grown up time by yourself (this one is a godsend if you can afford it)?

FWIW DD is 18mo now, has finally dropped (been forced to drop because I was fed up with it!) the morning nap, and life seems so much more flexible. She sleeps fantastically (6.45pm to 8am, so I even get a long lie in now! plus 2-2.5hours at lunch which is a great break, especially as pregnant again) and is totally lovely, (biased I know...) and I know many of my friends would kill for their ones to sleep as well as DD. She even helps me tidy up now! Shame we've got another one due in a couple of months and have to start all over again.... (only joking, looking forward to it really, kind of).

I also did GF, with DS now 2.5. Around 18 months you can start relaxing it a bit more as they get older and can survive a bit longer to the next nap etc. gets easier when they drop the morning nap. Also, I shifted DS bedtime to 8 pm and he now wakes later in the morning, in retrospect I really wish I hadn't tortured myself with that bloody 7 am wake up when he was a baby, as I was so knackered myself and really could have done with that extra hour.

Gently start relaxing the routines a bit. for example I still feel very stressed if we have dinner late or whatever, but it's actually really nice as they get towards 2 years old to be able to sit down together for a family dinner at 7 or even (shock!) 8 pm, just occasionally, even go out to eat with them. or go out for the day and not worry too much about the lunchtime nap. As long as your child mostly has the routine, you can really start relaxing it on certain occasions, just making sure they catch up later or the next day. it is hard to let go but when you do, they're fine..

Oh wow!!! Mum of 5 here..... What's with these weird book 'routines'??! Why so rigid? They are kids not robots!!

Op, lighten up a bit..... Your ds may well have been a great sleeper anyway,get out,do things,.....remove the clocks!! They grow up so fast, just enjoy them!

I remember DD getting to about 18 months and we started having days out, going to children's farms, or the zoo etc and it all got so much more fun.

She'd nap in the car, on the hoof, it all become a lot more relaxed and enjoyable. Esepcially when they get interactive and can show you that they're enjoying themselves

Have to say though, now she doesn't nap at all and I do hark back a little to those days when she would take a lovely long lunch time nap!

I agree with your sentiment TIFF, but tbh I could only enjoy my ds if he was in his gina routine! He was a baby who really needed his regular-as-clockwork food and sleep and my god were our days hell if we played around with the times!! So my point is, the OP's life might just be a lot worse if the routine is binned....worth a try though as gemzooks says, to relax it a bit here and there as they get older and more able to cope....

I do agree though that the early years, routine or not, do hurtle by in a haze of 'groundhog day'-ness.

It's not till those years are gone that you realise how little time it was

I did GF with dd (5) and ds (15mth)

My dh also works shifts

I agree it is like groundhog day and I am never out after 6pm BUT knowing how my friends children STILL keep them awake at night makes me feel its a small price to pay !

You adhere to a routine set by someone with no children that tells you what to do every waking minute and then you complain about the 'relentless of the routine'??

Throw the book away and live a little.Do something spontaneous liek ooooh, play peek a boo at nap time or go for a walk at a kerazzeeee time of the day, maybe 3:30 pm or sopmething.

Feel the fear and do it anyway (and stop filling GF's pockets).

I very much agree with moondog.

Also I don't think children are shoes to be broken in to fit you. Shouldn't they have a say in their day? I don't think they should rule the roost, but nor should some author you haven't met.

DS1 was GFd, he's a crap sleeper, his 1st year was crap, relentless, boring stressful. Hated it. My biggest regret in life is that I didn't listen to and enjoy him more rather than seeing him as the enemy to be 'forced' into a routine that suits me not him. Don't be fooled into thinking the GF routines are about the baby, they aren't. All kids are different, all kids need different amounts of sleep at different times.

The GF books were summarily burnt before DS1 arrived. We listended to HIM, learnt HIS sleep cues, met HIS needs, went with the flow and he is a fab fab fab sleeper and a happy, alert, well rested boy. We have had sooo much fun over the last 16 months I want to do it all over again. He still fits 2 naps in most days but we're all flexible enough to fit round him and still enjoy life.

Ditch the books, learn to listen to your child and respond to their cues and needs, not some random woman who came up with some random system for robotising kids lives. Wake them up at 7 whether asleep or not NUTS!

Thanks for the varying range of input, everyone! I have arranged myself a very social day today - both morning and afternoon - and very much looking forward to it.

the OP's baby eats and sleeps well and is chilled out.

i hardly think that is a child being 'broken to fit you'

In fact with routines, as the OP shows, it's often the parent that feels a bit broken to fit. but that's ok, often, because you're by instinct unselfish and put your baby's needs first.

this bizarre belief that routines are there for the parent is what I can't get my head around. IME the parents who had no routine often did this for selfish reasons not because they didn't want to 'break their child'

I am no GF fan, but I would just like to point out that the OP has 3-4 hours a day of nap time. Bliss. I am lucky if DD, who is the same age, sleeps for 1.5 hours.

I also did it mainly for DS, but also for me, gave me a happy rested mum and child. I can't personally function or be nice to people unless I get a bit of predictability and time to myself (after the inevitable first few months of breastfeeding/sleep deprivation hell). however I got too stressed and anal about it and was practically in tears when his meal was delayed by 5 minutes etc. but I put this down to being a first time mum. I'm due with DC in 2 weeks and obviously won't be able to stick to the routine with the same regularity, and no way am I forcing myself up at 7 am as DS aged 2.5 is more or less on 8 pm to 8 am routine.. but will DEFINITELY be sticking to a routine.

I think that for OP, she is just reaching that point where they get a bit older and you can be more relaxed, and they just suddenly grow up a bit more and you feel it's not the end of the world if they do get a bit overtired occasionally, plus there are more activities for them to do and they can gradually get included in a more fun family rhythm rather than everything revolving around the baby..

Ds1 was very routine based (not gf but you could set your watch by him!) and it was lovely and predictable.

Can I just say ease up on the routine and go with the flow a little because if you are planning a second baby then as far as routine is concerned you're buggered

DS2 is a year old now and everyday we await with baited breath wondering what the order of the day will be! He has to fit in around school runs and activities for ds1 and I have to say I really struggled to be at ease with the idea of a wishy washy routine, felt like he was missing out some how.

But you know what, he's healthy and happy and cares not a jot when, where or how long he naps for. Sometimes he has milk for lunch and lunch for snack and it's all a bit arse about face. I figure as long as he's getting all the food and drink he needs in a twenty four hour period it doesn't really matter what order he gets it in!

Oh but I am religious about what time they got bed.

I know what you mean and I don't even have DS in a routine as such!
Some days it's just like that though - oh, another nappy change, oh, now it's lunchtime, oh, a walk up the road, oh, more milk, oh, another nappy change, oh, now it's dinner time...
Mostly I'm ok though - we do have other things we do so the "routine" doesn't have time to get super-frustrating.

But then, tbf, DH and I get bored trying to decide what to have for dinner sometimes - we have both come to the conclusion that needing to eat every day is a bit of a design flaw..

I think a lot of the relentlessness is just parenting, nothing to do with routine or no routine. suddenly there is this little person there who needs constant, practical things doing for them! hence it getting better as they get older..

It's funny OP I've never read a GF book and my baby's routine is exactly the same as yours!! (give or take an hour here or there, it's never exactly the same) Agree with the others, GF baby or not, they all need nappies changed, food, milk, sleep, etc, and it is monotonous and relentless!! I feel your pain as my dp doesn't get home until 10pm every night and only gets Sundays off, so I do most of the babycare, and Saturdays used to make me cry!

You have to get out with your baby in between naps as much as poss - eat out! I also go out for the day once a week or so and dd has her afternoon nap in the buggy, and she's fine -she loves the adventure! I took her to her first birthday party recently and we didn't get home until (gasp!) 9pm and she loved the whole thing, didn't complain once! You really have to work at bringing variety into your life. On Sundays dp looks after dd for a few hours in the morning and I go cycling and then have a long bath with a book. Then we spend the afternoon together. I do a babysitting "swap" with another mum nearby who comes to my house to look after dd for an hour while I go for a cycle, and I do the same for her the next day. The babies love it! Once a month I make sure dp and I have a meal out alone together, although this is difficult, as we have no family nearby and even friends have to stay the night. I also make sure I get out for a girly night once a month or so. All this planning and making it happen has helped me get over pnd, so definitely worth working at bringing variety into your life - no-one else will do it for you!!