dealing with a five year old's intellectual arrogance

[Coldtits]

Ds1 is fairly clever, and takes a lot of his numeracy and literacy with older kids. He has started saying things like "Jamie (not real name) is nearly 8 and can't even do hundreds numbers and doubling yet!"

now, I know for a fact that ds1 is in with the older kids who are having a bit of trouble keeping up, and this is because ds1's behavior is still very immature and he doesn't cope without huge amounts of supervision. But knowing more about maths than much bigger children is making him arrogant.

I have tried telling him that I am sure "Jamie" is much better at listening to the teacher, or being a friend, or reading (and "Jamie" apparently is better at reading) but he has always been fixated on numbers and I'm sure he has focused on numbers and ability with numbers as a measure of worth.

What shall I do?

It is probably worth adding that he is waiting for assessment for autistic spectrum disorder, so answers along the lines of "How do you think it would feel if someone said that to you" are met with blank stares.

Does he care what people think of him?

I ask that because ds1 (autistic) responds well when you say "X will not want to be your friend if you do...." whereas ds2 (also autistic) wouldn't give a shit if X liked him or not.

He may not have natural empathy, but can he learn the idea?: "Yes you are better at maths than Jamie. But you shouldn't talk about it" (that is the im portant part) "because it might make Jamie feel bad that a little child knows more than him."

So don't tell your DS what Jamie can do instead, just tell your son what he shouldn't do (boast). "People don't like boasting so you shouldn't do it". Keep the messages simple.

you could state that everyone is born different - with different skills. And different skills mean the world can function.
If everyone was good at numbers, but not good at say cooking, or growing things we'd all starve. If everyone was good at numbers, but not at listening to other people, we'd all kill each other etc etc

Absorbing all tips .... thank you guys.

ds1 likes having friends, so the idea of losing his friends (or of people not wanting to play with him) will be distressing to him, and might be reason enough to stop boasting.

I can't give him anything too complex though, as the interminable "WHy?" will disintegrate any "because we just DON'T!" social behavior argument!

I think 'arrogant' is a bit harsh. It sounds like he doesn't say these things to be unkind. I wouldn't be worried about it to be honest, except to suggest that there are many more virtues than being good at maths, as you have been.

I know he's not arrogant, just truthful, (and a wee bitty smug) but it does come across as arrogant to people who may not know that he isn't doing it on purpose to make the other kid feel bad, he's just stating what he sees to be facts.

Yes, I see what you mean. If he may have ASD he won't think exactly like NT kids anyway, and people will have to understand that his perspective may be different.

DS2 says those kinds of things on occassion.

We just remind him that everyone has different talents and that he is not good at everything and others are better than him at other things.

Autistic or not 5 year old dcs are liable to not have much self-awareness and so these sorts of comments are IMO "normal". It's the stage of noticing differences between people and developing ideas of hierachy (the cleverset/prettiest/nastiest etc) in their social world. All normal.

Just explain that there are differences between people and there are some thngs he's good at and somethings he isn't good at but that what matters is what sort of person he is not what he can do.

Cooments and attitudes like this are also to a certain extent a reflection of family or "class" culture (again IMO) in that it is my experience that many familes have a "boasting is rude" culture whilst other familes have a "blowing your own trumpet is OK" culture.

So for example my dc at uni is constantly amazed at the tendancy of some students (well heeled types) to discuss their grades/income/intelligence in a loud voice with no sign of embarrassment while she, when asked "how did that exam go? What grade did you get?" has been brought up (and so have all her friends) to say "quite well thnaks" even if her results are fantastic!