What is wrong with me?

[nuclearsatsuma]

Hi. Haven't posted for ages. Am very concerned about my feelings towards my children. I have 1 dd, nearly 3 and 1 ds, 18 months. I do love my children, but I find myself really not liking them. I feel so guilty but I cannot stand their company, all they seem to do is whine at me, and I don't want to be anywhere near them. This is not how I want to feel as a mum, all I do is shout at them and do all I can to make them play on their own, I really don't want to know. Doing any activity with them is such a chore to me I hate playing with them, and I even have no desire to cuddle and kiss them. I just wait till 7pm when I can get rid and they go to bed. I am a shit mum and I'm starting to feel like they would be better off without me. My dh has a business to run and we are in heaps of dept plus we are trying to do up a wreck of a house, so he has little time for helping me, although he does do whatever he can and is very suportive. In fact he is great and works so ahrd for us it makes me feel even worse as I'm so ungratefull for all I have. My kids are healthy and full of life, why do I feel like this? Am I a terrible person? Certainly feel like one. I don't enjoy a minute of my time with them, I only enjoy my job, which I do 16 hours per week.

Sorry have rambled on, help anyone?

Hey, I just wanted to say I think everyone feels like this sometime, do you have someone who could have the children so you can have a break for the evening or even for a couple of hours? Even if its someone giving them their tea and putting them to bed whilst you have a bath. I find when I start to feel resentful I ask my mum or mil to have ds and either relax, or go for a walk. rarely when dh happens to be free after many hrs of work we pop out to the local cinema together, just breaks the cycle foe a bit. sorry its not more helpful, just wanted to let you know there are others who feel the same. x

Thanks that does help, my mother in law lives abroad and my mum is really busy, so help is limited. Should I feel guilty for wanting to find a baby sitter? I could so easily let someone have them most of the time. They are good kids and if someone else looked after them it would be better for them. I can;t wait till they are both at school. its hard to break routine because even though they are close in age, my son is too young to join in properly and has a very short concentration span. I know this is supposed to be hard and I don't feel like I have a hard time, I feel I should be coping better, or at least enjoy my babies a bit. But I don't

Dont feel guilty at all, you need time to yourself too. I understand what you mean about feeling like you should be coping better and enjoying the children, I've been feeling like this myself. Do you have any friends nearby? I think sometimes if Im feeling really bad and guilty I invite my sis around, to chat, let all my worries out to, and also she'll play with ds for a bit whilst we have a cuppa, then maybe i'll join in when im ready to. Playschool has helped me a bit too, even tho He only goes one day a week for three hours I can get chores done if I want or just watch tv.

Thanks feel a bit better. just so hard not to lose my temper all the time. I do have friends nearby, I think I'm scared of looking like a bitch or loser.

I remember those days - don't be too hard on yourself, it is hard work with two close in age.

Is there any free nursery provision near you for your older one? Or use a babysitter to get some quality 1:1 time with either one.