Does anyone else feel sorry for themselves getitng no help?

[suMadre]

Maybe I am just being a moan but dh is always working(and men r useless in sum ways anyway lol), I live in a different country frm my family and his family are rubbish other than completely taking over when ds1 was born 2 years ago and acting as if he was their baby not mine?they never come to visit or babysit and haven?t bothered calling in 2mths because they had a falling out with dh.

Im 30 wks pregnant with ds2 and just wondering how other stay at home mums cope if they have no family/reliable friends around to give them a break? DS feels hard done by as he helps when he can but is struggling with work?just feel like Ill never ever get a break?

had a miscarriage in June ?picked myself up again and since then this pregnancy has been soooo stressful, ds and I have caught literally 10 tummy bugs(in the last 9mths)and now we have throat infection(AGAIN) He seems to catch everything from other kids and playgroups but I need to take him out so he gets some interaction and I have some sanity...

Starting to panic as baby is due in 10 wks?in the wrong position (transverse) and I haven?t been able to look after myself in this pregnancy at all?also have a urine infection and just fed up.Nothing ready for baby!

Anyone else feel like they have to do everything? Cant imagine leaving ds with a stranger but just feel so trapped and unable to cope?especially as I don?t drive. Maybe Im just having a bad day or week?or month lol but thought Id have a rant and see if anyone else feels like they cant catch a break?

poor you! im in the same boat, my family is in the same country but too far away to help and have no friends here whatsoever. i don't drive either so have to walk miles to the shops, adding to the exhaustion and isolation.

are any family members going to fly out to help when the baby is due? who will look after ds when you go into labour?

Hi bamboo thanks for ur message. I dont have many friends here either other than mums with a few kids that have their own busy lives...or one or two mums who were using me as a babysitter that Ive dropped lol. Babys due ma 20th but am thinking I mght be booked for csction 2 wks earlier as hes in wrong position and had a complicated birth,emergency section with ds1. My mum was over last time and stayed for 2 wks after that I think I coped amazingly well but feel like evryone thinks Im bloody superwoman now lol. My mum has offered to come over at some stage when babys born...and has suggested I get a cleaner in lol...dont know who will look after ds as he hasnt seen dhs family in SO long and theyre showing no sign of contacting us...he is VERY clingy with me and dh which is sad as he was such an outgoing baby and never made strange til about 18mths...he just doesnt see family members regularly enough to have a bond with anyone,sadly. It'll break my heart for him tofeel abandoned when ds2 comes...hes not jealous around other babies but I know itll be a big shock...especially as hes still in the bed with me, dh works a lot during the night! Have u got boys r girls? How old? I know im not the only one struggling...need 2 stop feelin sorry4myslf. Sometimes wish Iwas born in my mums generation when all women were in the same boat...and would help eachother out...pop into eachother for tea and a chat lol

dont u wish there were other people around to appreciate ur dc too?

i have a 1yr old boy. its good that your mum will pop over to help, will she be coming over before the new baby arrives?

i'm sure you will manage when the time comes, at the moment it seems like a terrifying prospect, thats why im not keen to try for another baby at the moment.

definitly get a cleaner to come in and help.

I get so jealous of my sister who leaves her dc with my mum to get her hair done or go shopping...I just wish someone even bothered to come visit every now and then to see my ds...not even to mind him but just to break up the day. I wonder sometims how other mums switch off at the end of the day... I dont drink or smoke (but am pregnant now anyway)so what else is there?sex?if u get the chance lol. Have put on so much weight since having ds1 too so that doesnt help...moan moan moan LOL

yeah Im sure it will get easier ds is 2 next week and is growing up fast. I dont blame u not wanting to have another one just yet,it is stressful. Not sure if mum will be over before baby comes, she doesnt like leaving my sister too much as shes a single mum. Think I might have to get a cleaner in lol so frustrating when uv so much to do but physically cant...Im surprised how much housewrk if done during this pregnancy tho...I really minded myslf last time

Oh dear. Have you really not been able to find some supportive friends? What has saved my life on may occasions is a very good friend. We swapped childcare when our children were little, and still help each other out in school holidays. My ds thinks the world of her and her family and her ds thinks of mine as his 'sort of brother'. I always hope that when ds is a teenager and can't talk to me he'll have someone else to turn to!

Is there any way you can join any toddler groups of activities that might help you meet someone you feel you could get on with and be of mutual help to each other?

yes, i know about jealousy! seeing all my friends back home with their mums to help, going for evenings out and to partys, going to the hairdressers whenever they want, going shopping without military style planning, sigh!

luckily my family is within a fairly easy drive(4 hours) so they come to visit every few months.

as for switching off at the end of the day, i don't drink or smoke either so i knit, or mumsnet.

also put on a hell of a lot of weight as well, DH just bought a rowing machine so im hoping to shift the Lbs with that.

are you on facebook at all? you could add me as a friend and we can moan to each other.

suMadre - sorry to hear you are so down in the dumps. My family have always lived abroad and we have never been in a situation where we can rely on friends etc until recently when my DC1 started school and we have become more settled where we moved to 2.5 years ago. The flip side is that you get very good at multitasking and doing it all yourself in those early days and your kids will respond to you beautiful as their primary (sole) caregiver! It is just hard physical graft which can wear you down. To counter this, I tend to stay as active as possible, eg running everywhere with the kids in the buggy, cycling with the kids in a trailer, swimming with them etc. I am almost 34 weeks pregnant and only recently stopped running as the strain of pushing my two youngest got a bit much. I can certainly feel the difference in my mood! So I am making a concerted effort to counter it by getting out as much as possible for walks with the kids and outings. To give me a break this afternoon, we are making chocolate crispie cakes . I suppose what I am saying is keep yourself busy doing things which will help you feel more positive. Make a list of what they are if you are struggling and then get out there and do them! Only you can make the difference so there is no point waiting for a fairy godmother to pop in unexpectedly when there isn't one. I hope you cheer up soon!

thanks kammy I try to go to playgroups at least twice a week...have met some nice mums but they tend to have enough on their plate...I did think Id made a good friend and was there for her when she had her dd 5 months ago...helped her out a lot financially and minding the baby but realised she was just using me (when she asked me to mind her dd all nte so she cud go clubbing and didnt ask how ds was eventho hed just caught tummybug frm her dd id looked after the week before)When I realised how irresponsible she was I thought I dont need people like that in my life. It would be nice to have a good friend I could rely on and vice versa...my best friend back home has 6 kids and Ive always helped her out...Id definitely trust her with ds...but shes not here lol. I think Iv always given people the impression that I dont need help and I like ds being my life...which is true...but everyone needs a break sometimes.

Sorry you had that experience with a 'friend'. Don't let it put you off thought - I firmly believe there are lots of wonderful people in the world. It's just a bit of hard work finding them!

maybe you were too willing to 'help out'? With my friend, we were friends first, did things together first when babies were small and things evolved.

Lots of good advice here about keeping busy and active too. And there's always mumsnet when things are horrible....

Bamboo keep up the rowing machine and lose the weight before u have ur second lol i put on 4 stone on ds-he was huge(I was very slim before tho)and only ever lost 2 of it...havent put that much on this pregnancy as been so busy but still Im gna have to work SO hard to get it off after. Yeah Im a FB addict thats my thing now I dont go clubbing or spend my money on clothes 4 myself lol is there a way to private message and switch fb emails?

Moshi I hear what u are saying I do feel a lot better when I make the effort and keep busy...its tiring but worth it. I just feel like everytime I get going (last week was in playgroups,park etc...washing and ironing baby clothes...getting prepared..)we fall ill and I just get in a slump again...but u are right it is up to ME and Im the only one who can make things better for myself...should be grateful too as dh is trying his very best lol

Kammy I did make a good friend in the summer but shes gone back of maternity leave lol plus she has two kids herself and the oldest is a bit of a handful. I think I am too willing to help others out and they dont always do it in return...but Im sure I will meet some good friends soon...we moved last yr after ds turned one and since then have only started mixing as before we were out of the way and I didnt really know where to bring ds...had just moved over here after getting married so never studied/worked in U.K. to make links...now I go groups n park I have met lots of people...I guess it just takes time to build up that mutual understanding. DH is on at me about learning to drive too which I defnitely think I should.There are one or two people who Im sure would babysit ds if I was stuck...but I find it hard to trust people that much...hopefully as he gets older Ill relax a bit more too and his friends mums can leave theres with me and vice versa. Just haing a rough time of it at the mo but Im sure itll pass...feel brighter aleady especially as ds is snoring his head off

i dont mind putting my name on MN, its polly hart, my profile pic is of a baby covered in weetabix, wearing a blue sleepy suit.

was also very slim, size 8. and now im a 16 ds was quite big too, 8.5lbs.

Im sure its hormones gettin me down too...looking forward to the summer and bringing the kids out...I suppose when ds starts nursery it will give more structure to the day too

Illness is terrible for knocking you back and making everything seem so difficult! I have managed to contract proper flu TWICE this winter, which promptly reminded the drawback to winter pregnancies, especially when you already have DC bringing viruses into the house. Molly coddle yourself as much as you can when ill, then work on getting better and out there again when you are recovered. My kids had sarnies for lunch for weeks as I could only manage to cook once a day when I was ill. They actually quite enjoyed carpet picnics in front of the TV, although I won't allow now I am better. But it was a Godsend solution when I was laid out ill. Do whatever makes life easier for you - WHY are you ironing baby clothes for example?!

Lol will go and add u didnt want to giv my name out after all the bitching abt dh's family lol altho im sure it wudn tke any1 long to figure it out with all the info. I was an 8 too now am a squeezed in 14.DS was 8'14lbs I hope this one is smaller lol

yes, sniff.

would dhs family be on MN? i'll keep an eye out for your friend request, have to go and do house stuff, been on MN a bit too long today

Moshi I know what u mean about food I cook most days a meal for ds and dh...ds is so picky tho and when ill refuses everything but fish fingers lol..sometimes I dont know why I bother as I cant eat proper meals myself and end up eating junk.

Ironing the baby clothes?lol I went through the zillions of clothes we had for ds and lots never even worn some stil had tags but been put away in bags for last 2yrs and creased so got them all washed and ironed the ones that needed lol Am stressed about the rest as they are in dh's mums house along with the baby car seat...they are going on with a load of cultural rubbish at the mo(long story)

lol bamboo no I doubt it but u never know who is