So... how long is it ok to leave a 13 year old for?

[PlumpRumpSoggyBaps]

Following on from katielittlestar's thread (and hoping this isn't 'bad form' but I didn't want to hijack), I wanted to ask this.

Up to now I've only left ds1 at home for short periods of time- maybe up to an hour or an hour and a half. So am I being unbearably precious? (It's ok. You can tell me. I've got broad shoulders.) What is a reasonable length of time to leave him for? Could I, for instance, go out for the afternoon? And what about evenings?

I think if you already can trust him for 1 1/2 hour you could go for the entire afternoon. About the evening I have mixed feelings but it is because I do not like being on my own in the evening /night myself so no "rational" reason.

I would leave alone for an afternoon or maybe part of the evening but not past 9pm I think.

Bloody hell when I look back I looked after my newborn halfbrother alone at home when I was 12 - stepmonster and excuse for a father used to leave me once or twice a week with one brother and then the other when he came along a year or so later so they could go out somewhere nice for dinner.

Hmm. Maybe it's time to give him a bit more trust then. It would certainly be more pleasant to go shopping without him moaning...

Thanks for you replies ladies! I suspect ds1 would thank you too- if he weren't being a typical teenager and just grunting at everything

I left my 12 year old last night for two hours, and got back just before 10.

There's been the occasional day when I've had to work and I've left her for the full day- but we make sure that she's got plans to spend the afternoon with a friend, or Nana will pick her up and take her to her house for lunch or similar.

She's sensible, and I wouldn't do it if it upset her.

I leave my 13 yo alone for up to 2 hours. She is not really keen tbh, now the novelty has worn off so would only do it in the daytime.

I haven't started leaving my 8 yo with her yet as they fight like cat and dog/wind each other up.

I still need the services of a "babysitter" for things like an evening out or if both me and her dad are working.

I'd agree about not leaving children in the plural together unless they are BOTH sensible types. As a visiting tree surgeon said to me (about my helpful obstructive offspring, 'One boy is useful, two boys are worth half a boy, three boys are no good at all...'

depends on the kid.

i could leave my daughter for ever...well not quite.. but her brothers - fuck a duck - no way

I'm sure at 13 I was trusted at home while my mum went to work all day - wouldn't have been left in an evening
(She did call about once an hour though!)

It is a difficult one probaby and very much depends on the child.

I used to babysit from being 13y, for younger cousins, so was left on my own in charge of young children for a few hours in an evening.

Main problem I see is if they get bored.

Hijack!!!! -How old do chn have to be before they can let themselves in after school and wait for you to get in? My ds wants to do that next year when he's in y7. I think he's not quite ready yet but wondered what the general age was when children did this.

Well my 13yo crosses London on public transport to get to school. I let her babysit her younger siblings for short-ish periods as well, assuming dh and I are within 20 mins or so of home.

She's a bright, sensible girl who's taken long-distance trains and public transport by herself. She can cook simple meals and operate a washing machine. Why on earth wouldn't she be safe in the house by herself? She can be relied on not to operate the cooker or to use sharp knives or power tools in our absence. She can use a phone and has our mobile numbers.

Clearly we can't plan for alien abduction, but in most other circs I reckon she's as safe at home as I would be (probably safer, given that I do use sharp knives and the cooker).

I sometimes leve my 13 year old for up to 2 hours.. and would leave her happily for an afternoon as she is very sensible.

I'd leave my 12yo for the afternoon quite happily. And I'd be happy for her to have a latch key if it wasn't for her needing help to get the wheelchair into the house.

cornsilk, my dd started dioing what you said in yr 7

she has been fine

also lets herself out of house in the morning and hasn't forgotten to lock up yet

< touches wood >

my 13yr old babysits. albeit with a friend, so never alone, and also only for her younger siblings, but even so, she is sensible enough for that so sensible enough to be left alone, all day if needed (she would have to be if I worked after all, as childcare is not available for children that I know of once they are in secondary school).

I must admit, normally it is my 14yr old who babysits, but if she is at dance, and I have to go for an appointment of any kind, then I have left DD2 with the others.

I find tho that once they are at secondary school, they are often having to be in the house alone for at least part of the day while I do school runs with the others.

Thanks for all the advice. The only thing is, I see that most of you are the mothers of DDs!! I'm not sure that DS would be classed as quite as sensible as them. .

I'm not really sure why I'm so hesitant. He goes to the park for long stretches of time with his friends, walks a mile to school and back. He even walked two miles to the supermarket (although I made him ring every ten minutes )

Maybe it's all the electricals/sharp knives/other dangerous stuff......

my ds 12 lets himself i as im out on school runs and ds 14 i left all day at home quite happily and on odd ocasions watching his sister 5 while had nip out, he knows how to use washer and dryer andphone and can be trusted to cook , though must admit dont allow ds 12 to cook as hes daydreamer strictly microwave only

An afternoon would be fine, and probably an evening too (if it wasn't very late), depending on whether he is happy at home on his own. We've left ds (almost 10) at home for up to two hours during the day without a problem. Where we live in Canada now they offer babysitting courses to 11 year olds, and don't have a problem with children being at home for a while before their parents come home (it's not uncommon in ds's class).

I am happy to leave my DD12 at home on her own all day during the school holidays. I am 10 minutes down the road if she needs me.
She also cycles to school and lets herself in after school until I get in at about 5. 30 if her big brother, 19, isn't in.
On the odd afternoon, I have a meeting etc after work she will cook something like a pizza.
She has chores to do after school, like emptying the dishwasher and cleaning out her rabbit.
She is also able to go out with friends as long as she lets me know.
She is very sensible and I trust her

With regard to your DS, only you will know if he is sensible enough
My DS was sensible enough in Y7 to take himself off to school in the morning and to let himself in after school with no mishaps.
He had chores to do too and the house rule was no more than 1 friend was allowed in at a time.

We left our DD (13) with her cousin (12) and went to a party until 3am! Admittedly the party was about 6 houses down the road and DH came back and checked them every hour or so, but it was a good way to start trusting them and start letting them go a bit.

I also left DD at home last Friday, as she wasn't well and both DH and I had to got to work. Again, not that major, as I only work 5 mins down the road and am home by 3.

It's all a leaning curve for everyone though. She gets used to looking after herself and I get the confirmation that she can be trusted.

ds1 isn't 12 til July and we leave him for a couple of hours at a time when necessary: it makes life a lot easier.

I agree very much with Frogs's post: he's sensible and reliable and knows what to do in an emergency.

I could imagine leaving him for longer, but the possibility hasn't really arisen.

I would not leave him with/in charge of his brother (9) as that would be asking for trouble!

At 13 I was happily babysitting my 3 year old sister and 8 year old brother. My parents used to get in around midnight - they weren't far and I knew I could ring the pub and bring them home, but I never felt the need to.

I was a very independant child.