Advice/strategies on how to manage sensitive child...

[mulranno]

My 10 year old...is quiet and sensitive...well behaved etc...but wears his heart on his sleeve...can get very upset, tearful etc takes things too personally...is also easily (unreasonably??) agitated by noise, etc from the other children. How do I teach him to be more robust?

Has he always been like this?

Have you mentioned anything to his teachers?

Watching with interest, My ds is 7 and very similar. He is also very hard on himself if things are going on that he finds difficult.

He has been increasingly so. I did speak to teachers they say he is fine but that he can get tearful and stressed sometimes...but they didnt seem concerned...maybe we see more of it at home?..tired at begining and end of day...barriers down with family and irritating younger children (he is the oldest of 4).

There is always some sort of emotional issue. A few years ago he was stressed and felt bullied by the other boys in the car pool...it was quite rough but he finds it hard to not respond. Then he was stressed at school at lunch time -- we eventually moved school... when he has been mostly fine...although he tells me he goes to the library at liunch time as football games are too much conflict (even though he loves football and is one of the most talented in his year group)...but maybe this is an effective strategy for him.

At home his younger sister used to tease him and I suppose I used to chastise his "over reaction" rather then her...I am now on her case and the teasing as dropped. Its just the constant "be quiet" to everyone just for singing, whistling etc...just think he is really easily aggitated... which in turn aggitates me!!...and gets him into unnecessary conflict

I was like this when I was younger (I hold my hands up!)

My little bro was also. When he was about 9-10yrs old he used to get so agitated by anyone in the room/or as a matter of fact anything in the room.

I think he felt like he wasnt getting enough attention 1-1 with my mum or dad. He used to get really stressed when he couldnt do his homework, even if you told him the answers. He used to storm about the house, try and 'fight' us all if we laughed at him (which was mean I know)

I think I must of rubbed off on him as he seemed to act the way I did but he was 5 years younger than me!

It got better when my dad moved out. There was less stress and no arguing in the house.
now hes 12 and hes a lovely sweet, yet very boyish lad. It also got better when my sister and I had our children as he seemed to have to mature to be an 'uncle'.

I recon it will get better for him and for all of you in the house just let this phase pass. Your his mum you know him best so if hes upset let him go off, do what ever it is he does then leave it a while and then go ask him if hed like to talk to you about it. Be 'adult' with him and talk to him on a level. Let him tell you whats wong without you 'butting' in and when he knows you are listening to him he may start to act more respectively towards you, knowing that atleast one person in the house understands him.

Thanks Chellesgirl...I suppose I need to be more understanding and nuturing rather than just judgemental wanting him to be more resilient. It is finding the balance between "molly-coddling" and indulging him...as oppossed to explaining that the tantrums are not acceptable behaviour

Yes true. I recon you do understand him and what to do, its just getting to that point of being able to put it into practice. Its hard when stress weighs on your mind and body. I recon you may be able to handle him better if you can get some time to yourself each week or at least have ten min a day when you can just lie down and think about how to cope and not be annoyed with him.

I recon you could put yourself in his shoes and think how hard it must have been having 3 other siblings taking his place.

A day out with just you and him, or a day out alone with his father maybe?

Give him the chance to open up tell you whats wrong and also for you to set rules for him too.

Thanks Chellesgirl....as always its the parent who needs to change their behaviour before they can affect the child. He is a good kind boy most of the time... but the intensity of his stress I find distressing

I know how you feel and I know it will pass.

Some children sometimes need that bit more 'love' and 'attention' than thier siblings.

Giving that extra bit of understanding and patience does not do any harm as long as the rules stay consistant and the same fro each child in the house.

I keep mentioning this but in different ways. Sorry for ranting.

Maybe you could set a time for 'rule' time. Where the whole family get round the table (or similar) and Mom and Dad explain all the rules and that each rule applies to everyone. If someone brakes te 'rule' then they get the punishment i.e no football on sunday, or no t.v for 2 days etc...

Btw just like to add... Somehow I wish my mum and Dad had set the rules, harshly along time ago, say like when I was 4 and that they were the same for all my siblings ( I have 2 sister's and a brother)

I always felt like I was treated different. My mum used to say I was hard done by (jokingly) but I ACTUALLY felt that way and as I got older I was never able to speak to my parents. They were like brick walls.

Its resided in me having confidence issues now as an adult and not being able to express my feelings too well to my partner.

I think I am a product of my up bring to...we all our...I was the oldest of 6 children..my mum was widowed very young when we were all babies...I was 6 years old and from then took on a parenting role...but it was all about organisation getting the tasks done...so I suppose I am quite tough and forget that others are softer

I think I am a product of my up bring to...we all our...I was the oldest of 6 children..my mum was widowed very young when we were all babies...I was 6 years old and from then took on a parenting role...but it was all about organisation getting the tasks done...so I suppose I am quite tough and forget that others are softer

As a Mother you just have to 'guide' your children.

Remain positive and the vibes may produce a positive reaction within your houselhold.

A mother is meant to remain strong and keep her children's 'head's up' (if you get what I mean) Nothings worse for a child's growing mind than his/her's mother always:
angry/agitated/sad/etc...

Yes you can show your children the upsetful emotions, it teaches them how to express themselves in life and that its 'okay to cry'.

But you also need to show all those positive emotions, hopefully more than the 'sad' times.

'The glass is half full' Remain strong, you can get through it, both you and your 10yr old.