I'm sick of the fighting!

[popperdoodles]

Ok it usually goes like this... one ds slightly annoys other ds, bumps into them, makes unpleasent comment etc etc other ds then goes mental and attacks first ds punching kicking etc and war breaks out. Sound familiar? please say it's not just mine that do this?

I am now taking the approach that whatever the other does you must NOT retaliate. If they come and tell me then first ds will get punished if necessary. If they retaliate then the retaliator will be punished. 6 year old ds cannot seem to get his head around this and will say "he started it" or "he deserved it"

I know it's a problem as old as time but how can I get them to stop fighting.

i would make a rule that ALL violence will be punished,

so.
child 1 says something wrong
child 2 pushes him

child 2 says child 1 deserved it. maybe he did, but pushing is NOT acceptable and will be punished.
child 1 also punished for whatever he said.

This sounds very familiar!!!

I found that ds2 was doing all he could to annoy ds1 so eventually ds1 wound retaliate and we would then punish ds1. So now when fighting breaks out both boys are sent for timeout. The fights haven't stopped but they are over much quicker and then they are back to best friends again. My sons are aged 12 and 9.

I have got 4 brothers myself and they used to fight but now they all get on and are in no way violent. Maybe it's just a boy thing, I have nothing to compare it with as I have just one daughter and one sister who is 17 years younger than me.

Message withdrawn

Have you read 'Siblings Without Rivalry'? I found it very useful.

SwR I read, but somehow it hasn't been enough -- doesn't cover the vast Range of stupid things they can fight about.
DC were fighting over red noses this morning, sigh.
I would love a kind of non-judgemental support thread for parents who find sibling rivalry the bane of our existance.

I feel your pain mloo.

Prosecco.
Physical violence we do all sorts to minimise it. I usually insist on apologies all around and moving on (non-violently); if they refuse then I might make them sit close to each other but non-interacting until both sides are ready to make peace. If the violence gets repeated I sometimes threaten to fine them both (pocket money) OR I impose physical separation.

I haven't tried this, but I might if I only had 2 dc: sit them both down somewhere I can keep an eye on them, but they can't see each other, and don't let them move or speak until they are both ready to be nice to each other again.

i have 3 boys aged 1, 3 and 5. the older 2 fight constantly i just don't know what to do. i try to separate them but find that they follow each other to continue fighting. the fighting has got so bad that during a fight my 3 yr olds arm got broken. i have tried everything even shutting them in seperate rooms and even now with such a bad accident they are still constantly fighting. does anyone have any advice?

I have DD (12) and DS (11), DS is awful for snidey comments and telling tales on his sister. She then lashes out, and all hell breaks loose.

They still argue about who has the most juice in their glass etc. like flipping 3 years olds!

I feel your pain!