Right. Sleep. I'm normally too exhausted to think of strategy but can you help me with my toddler?

[oranges]

We managed to get ds to settle in his cot really happily. but we moved house, and he's in a toddler bed, and he's getting up at least once in the night. Usually twice. And now he can climb out and he demands milk. I'm tempted to put him back in the cot just so he can STAY, but that would be ridiculous. He's almost 3. Help!

I wouldn't give him milk - went down that road with dd and it went on for months. I would reward him for staying in bed - star chart (if that motivates him - never worked with any of mine) or something more concrete - he can watch favourite video in morning/have cocoa pops for breakfast etc if he doesn't get out.

Nothing works ! He adores his milk - nothing else comes close as a bribe.

I know I should stay by his side and settle him till he fall asleep but that can take an hour and we both work full time so usually give in and give him milk or bring him to bed, just so we can all get some rest before the alarm goes off.

I know its wrong but I'm too tired to think of strategy.

I don't know if it is wrong - I was suggesting the textbook solution. In fact what you are doing is exactly what we did with dd - line of least resistance to ensure we got maximum sleep. She would come in and one of us (usually dh would go and sleep in her bed). Eventually she just stopped of her own accord - after about nine months (though it seemed forever at the time!) Funnily enough we had just moved house too - i wonder if that has something to do with it?

I did wonder about the house move, and the fact that we now have stairs, and I'm nervous that if we leave him and he gets too distressed he'll start wandering around and fall down the stairs. tough, isn't it?

It is tough - keep reminding yourself it's only phase.

Someone I know put a stairgate in their toddler's doorway when they were doing this. You might have to put up with one (or two) bad nights but it could be worth it.

Rabbit alarm clock? He has to stay in bed whilst the rabbit sleeps? Working like a charm at the mo for my 2.9 year old. She now gets up for a wee and goes back to bed 'because the rabbit is still tired mummy'...result!

We baby-gated DS, put juice in a bottle in the 'pocket' of his baby-guard on the bed with some books, one of those JML LED stick on light thingies.
We also used a sticker chart & reward system.
Plus we play a relaxing CD (his 'usic) to help him drift off.

Is it worth leaving a beaker of milk out by the bed?

Oranges - you must be awfully tired! I agree that incentives, so that the toddler chooses to stay in of their own volition, is the best way forward. I have always tried to avoid being a crutch or providing any crutches for my DCs and so far it has worked. Also, at the age of 2-3 they enjoy being in control and can start to understand cause and effect and having a positive consequence from staying in bed at night should be a powerful tool.

So I wouldn't advocate sitting there until he falls asleep (eg wouldn't you rather get on with your evening and having a nice dinner with your OD? Also, imagine how unsettling it could be to find mummy gone from where she once sat?!) or leaving milk there either (eg at almost three you might want to avoid reliance on fluids at night so you can think about getting them dry at night easily in the next year or two; also, at the very least, a beaker of milk in the middle of the night is going to affect the appetite the next day at an age when you probably want to work on getting solids to replace milk in the diet).

Also think about his routine. What time is he getting to bed if he goes to bed and then you do too? Is it late and therefore causing sleep disruptions? Is he unsettled in the night because his sleep is not great and he is waking? Lots of children wake in the night but are so tired they easily fall asleep again. The prime difficult time is around 5am when their sleep patterns mean they come into a light sleep where they can find it easy to wake themselves fully having had quite a lot of sleep and with the light peeping in through the window enticing them to get out to play! I have found that good daytime naps (if they still need them) that are not too long, and regular bedtimes that are not too late so they are overtired when they go to sleep are the key to a good 12 hour sleep.

It is just a phase but these phases can go on for years and I would prefer to nip any problems in the bud rather than wait however many months (years in some cases!) before sleep is no longer an issue! Especially as I used to work full time in a very demanding job until recently. I must admit, this was a key motivation for me in getting them to sleep well .

Sorry - make that OH not OD!

Thank you. Part of the problem, I think is that grandparents completely mess up his routine whenthey stay over, which they do quite often. And they help out so much with childcare I feel I can't be too strict on the issue, but think I'm going to have to be. And I work night shifts part ofthe week,a nd dh is often too worn out to do a calm, measured bedtime routine.

If grandparents help out from time to time then we let them do what they want so they can enjoy the grandkids. However, if they were to help out regularly so that they effectively are part of the childcare arrangement, I would be inclined to be more methodical about it because after all it will have a longer lasting effect on your family unit, eg with sleeping and behaviour etc. And if it needs to work with you and your OH, so that your sleep is not affected and so that you feel your DS is sleeping, eating etc well, then I would have a chat about progress and tactics with them. I am sure they won't be offended and they may not even have a clue what the effect is of their helping out. Good luck!