Suggestions to teach Dad how to discipline??

[RunRaggedRun]

Hi all, I'm new to forums to sorry if I don't use the lingo! My husband has loads of time for our 2 & 5 year old sons, but is hopeless with discipline. He almost sounds like he's pleading with them, and they are just rude back. I keep having to step in and they listen to me. We're thinking of swapping roles and me going to work but I think they'd suffer from his lack of discipline. If I bring it up with him, he goes completely the other way and over reacts to every thing they do. Have any of you got any suggestions, or books I could give him which would explain in simple terms how to deal with their behaviour. They're pretty good kids, but I hate to say he brings out the worst in them!!

My husband used to spend so much time explaining to our son why things were wrong that our son would stop listening... I'm a lot more straightforward and thankfully my husband saw my way and realised it worked better. He now regularly sounds more strict than me which got comments from our families!

Have you tried reward charts where you can discuss the rules with your husband first? If there's nothing specific, we use a 'pasta jar'. Our son decorated it and every time he does something really well or is helpful, he gets a piece of pasta-when he gets 20 he'll get a comic. If he's rude or unhelpful, he has one taken away. This did take an evening of discussion between my husband and I to agree our rules though!!

Thanks very much for your ideas. I did once manage to convince my husband to use pennies to encourage our 4 year old to get dressed/clean teeth/put on shoes etc. for school, which worked great while it lasted. However, what usually happens is that as soon as he does anything untoward, my husband takes the whole lot away, leaving nothing to bargain with! Then I have the choice to either undermine him and give it back, or to look like I'm in agreement. I shall take your advice though and try to keep my composure and lead by example. It's gotta sink in eventually!!

My dh does sound a little more whimpish than I do when disciplining, but I've noticed that when I've had to leave them on their own for a few days, nothing dreadful has actually happened. So it seems as if he can manage. Perhaps better when I'm not listening.

I think it's sometimes hard for the other parent if you're the main carer. Doesn't matter which way round it is. Let's face it, you've found a way through as you're the one who's mostly there, so it's bound to be harder for him. I'd say see how he feels about their rudeness. If he agrees it's a problem, then agree how to change it and both stick to exactly the same plan. Doesn't have to be draconian. Tell him walking away even works well, but you do both have to be consistent. Equally though it doesn't mean you're right and he's wrong. You must listen to his ideas too. I know I'm guilty of not doing this with my DH and it pains me to say it, but he's very often right

Thanks guys. It's great to hear other points of view. I think you'll see me on here quite often!