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Not sure if I'm cut out for this

39 replies

Silverymoon · 10/03/2009 03:52

I've name changed because I'm not sure if I want this to stick with me, so if anyone I speak to often recognises me, please don't mention this when I'm under my regular name.

I have a 20mo and a 6 week old and am not sure if I can do this.
Sometimes I feel like my dc's deserve a better mum than I know how to be.
Dh is not the best at emotional support tbh and when I've tried talking to him about it and telling him I'm not sure if I am or will be a good parent he just tells me to stop being stupid.
dc1 was a difficult baby and I didn't feel it got any easier until he started walking and got that bit of independence at 13 months. I also forgot ow hard it is with a newborn and didn't think through how I'd manage with a baby and a toddler in tow. Sometimes it just gets too much. It doesn't help that at least one of them is crying all day either due to frustration and anger, dc1, or wind and boredom dc2.
I am so tired and I know dh is too, he has to work all hours so I can be at home with dc's whivh is what I wanted and I'm not sure if I'm finding this harder than it should be, whether I need help or whether feeling like this is normal.
I can forget it all in the day, lets face it, the lo's keep me quite busy, but then at this time of night when I am up with the baby, I just sit here and cry.
It's not fair on my dc's, they deserve so much better

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
UnrealisticExpectations · 10/03/2009 10:45

Hey, SomeMightSay, you're doing amazing.

I was just talking to you the other day when you were asking people whether they use a naughty step.

Sounds like you've had fab advice from everyone on here. You've had a really tough time and, as someone said, you've probably just had the toughest 6 weeks of your life.

Everything's hit you together and it's totally normal to feel as you do. When I read your first post under your alias, I thought I've had many a day when I could have written every word. Every single word - nobody phones, etc, etc.

Your 19 month old is just hitting that really bad age too. I've just been through it with DS, who's 2.1 now. He's actually starting to come out of it a bit now as he's starting to reach an age when he can express himself a bit, and he can understand verbal commands.

Forget the stress of the naughty step for a start! I think. I found it stressful enough when DD was 3 and even now she's 4. I know people swear by it, and I know kids need to be taught etc, but, as someone said earlier - this isn't about being the perfect mum - it's about survival! You'll have time for stuff like that later. I'm only just starting to try to discipline DS. Up until now I've just used removal, restraint, distraction, etc, etc.

We go to the local zoo every year and watch their bird show. They get a parrot to do tricks and, every year, the presenter tells you that a parrot has roughly the intellect of a 3yo! That always put it into perspective for me!!!!!! You've got enough to deal with at the moment.

DP sounds less than helpful. Sometimes blokes just don't realise how upset you are unless they actually see you tying yourself to the railway tracks! Try to explain to him how desperate you are.

I would mention it to the doc. I really would. Be careful with the Prozac - personally, I wouldn't take it (and I have been there and avoided it). My sis-in-law is on it and thinks they should put it in the water, but a friend took it and it made him loads loads worse.

Exercise is supposed to be as good as meds, and I think it might help DS to burn off some energy too. As people have said, pram, pushchair, baby carrier, reins, whatever. Wrap up warm and get yourselves out for a gentle walk or down to the playground. It's free and DS will enjoy it more than things you need cash for. I had a BabyBjorn baby carrier and I liked that. Maybe you could pick one up cheap on Ebay? I still take DS everywhere in the puschair even though other mums seem to have their 2yo's loose - just because it's so much less stressful and safer - so I'd put my money on baby carrier and pushcair. That should give you some stress-free time when both are safe, happy and restrained, while you get some fresh air and exercise. Then DS can have a blow off when you reach somewhere safe like the park or the playground.

Again, this is survival! As a person whose kids were going to live on organic brocolli, only play with wooden toys, never be left in front of the telly, never eat junk food and do arts and crafts all day (before I'd had them, that is! What planet was I on?) never feel guilty about sitting DS in front of CBeebies with a bag of crisps! And only iron the essentials.

Tesco online for your shopping. Deffo. I started when I had no. 2. I'd never go back. And you can save loads that way too, not only by being more organised, but by using the money off codes on hotukdeals.com etc.

We swear by acidophilus too - expensive but much better value than the drinks. I used to give the kids Solgar ABCDophilus powder when they had tummy upsets and I gave it to DH throughout his mega-antibiotics for pneumonia last year (don't feel sorry for him - you wouldn't believe how he got it!)

Hey, it'll never, ever be as tough as this again. I had a friend who said to me, when I was having a crisis, 'It won't always be dark at 7'. Bit twee, but I got a lot of comfort out of the inevitability of 'lighter nights' ahead.

SomeMightSay · 10/03/2009 12:31

UnrealisticExectations I remember you from the naughty step thread. I didn't bother trying it, he is far too young to understand the concept and it would make everything worse. Think you're all right about it never being this bad again, so at least that's one positive way of looking at it, each day I get through with all of us relatively happy at the end of it is another day done with, so that's something!
Listening to you, maybe I have been looking at things too deeply. I've always been one for routine so now that everything is up in the air, it's making me feel quite powerless and I worked so hard getting ds1 into a routine, that I'm now upset that it seems to have been scrapped, not just for me but him mainly. Think you're all right though, this is about survival at the moment and I just have to roll with it (see an oasis pattern here?) and do what's needed at the time, whether that be sleeping on ds1's floor, having tv on all day, or just window shopping to get out. I also think I have to pick my battles with ds1 right now, lay off the behaviour stuff until we've all adjusted and just 'tell him off' when there are possible dangers (ie licking the toilet brush, hitting the baby etc).
I didn't mention it to doc because he didn't ask and the waiting room was quite busy. He's doing our 6 week check next tuesday so if things don't seem a bit brighter by then, I'll have a chat with him.
Waste of time trying to get anything through to dp though. Think I'll just continue not talking to him for a while

UnrealisticExpectations · 10/03/2009 13:27

Oh, I was just like that. DD had a schedule like a German Train Timetable! Even before DS hit his toddler tantrums patch I had a routine. Now I find myself ironing DD's uniform before I dash out the door!

You'll get back to normal. You'll look back on this and laugh at how much you expected yourself to be able to do with a 6wo and a 19mo, and at how tough on yourself you were.

It's such early days. Take as many short cuts as you can with washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning etc. You can get back to your normal standards gradually. A 6wo, in my opinion, is a state of emergency!

And, as someone has alread said, your 19mo will develop so quickly. My 25mo seems behind other kids (probably becuase he spends too much time being distracted, restrained and removed but who cares, it's not a race) but even he's reached the milestone of being able to shut the living room door when asked! So at least I can have a cuppa without having to get back up!

He got a Thomas train set for his bithday last month and I haven't dared pack it away again until today. I got sick of it this morn and tried to shove it back in the box without his seeing me. Even a month ago he'd have tantrumed, picked up the bits and launched them etc, etc. But when he saw me he came over and helped me!

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UnrealisticExpectations · 10/03/2009 13:34

Personally, I think your a bit of an over-achiever anyway, managing to get through your days with everyone 'relatively happy'. I usually settle for 'alive'!

SomeMightSay · 10/03/2009 16:21

Hahaha UE I was also thinking alive but seeing as I'm typing on here telling everyone I'm on the verge of a breakdown, might not be a good idea.
I'm feeling miles better this afternoon and part of me is wondering if I am being slightly melo-dramatic.
Ds1 has been sooo good today, I had to feed baby at the docs so ds1 was strapped in pushchair and I was ready to scream befor we'd even started, but I sang to him (infront of other people!!) and he was fine. I sang Postman Pat, Balamory, Bob the Builder. It's quite bad the only songs I know to sig him are tv theme tunes!
There were also a couple of lovely ladies in the waiting room who also spoke to me and ds1 and made him laugh so that helped. When I got ds1 out of chair to put coat back on, we had a big hug and kiss and as I strapped him back in someone asked me how I cope with 2, that made me smile, I thought, God, she thinks I'm coping?

SomeMightSay · 10/03/2009 16:48

Oh yeah, and dp called earlier to see how I'd got on at docs and asked me if whatever was wrong with me is better now, so I said not really. He then said he'd have got up and dealt with babylast night (he did try but I told him to fuck off because I know he'll expect to be praised for it for a month). I said it didn't really have anything to do with getting up in the night, it was more every single second and that I feel like I'm in a constant battle not to have a breakdown and he tutted and said it's pointless talking to me if I'm going to be stupid
Wanker, so I haven't been to the shops so there's noting for dinner, and ds1 has been playing with the poker set so there are chips laying around the living room, he can tidy that, they are his after all

robino · 10/03/2009 17:44

SMS - you should do it more often! The not having dinner sorted and general messiness, I mean. I did it on purpose at least twice a week for ages - just so he knew that I wasn't able to do it all and that just looking after the kids was a job in itself. Reminds me - I've been a bit too efficient the last couple of weeks, will have to have an off day soon..

Must be said my OH does sound like he's a bit more sympathetic and helpful than your DH but my new years resolution was to spend 15 mins sorting the kitchen after dinner (housework really isn't my strong point) so that I started the day off on the right foot the next day (PLEASE remember my little one was 6 months by this point). OH would say "sit down, stop fidgetting etc" (yep, was definitely nice that he noticed I was doing stuff) but I kept on just saying that it makes such a difference to my day the following day - and now he's started to do it with me.

Well done with the songs in the docs waiting room. I've lost count of the embarassing places I've caterwauled my way through 3000 songs to keep DD1 entertained. And the hour long car journey where the only thing that kept her happy was 27000 renditions of sleeping bunnies........

SomeMightSay · 10/03/2009 20:51

robino Hopefully mine will catch on soon that this is a tough stage and might be more helpful. He was like this with ds1 when he was a baby, I'm thinking now that dp has a fear of babies. I can't really fault him for the help he gives me with ds1 when he gets home, but it's 2 hours. Maybe the way to get help with one child is to have another one! I won't though, never again!!!
I have just told him that I'm giving myself a pat on the back for surviving another day and he is now sterilising bottles and washing up . There's a big pile of ironing that needs doing, should I push my luck?

UnrealisticExpectations · 10/03/2009 22:24

Glad you're feeling a bit better. I think that's what its like when you've got such a little baby - as someone else said earlier, your hormones are all over the place, everything's such a struggle, you're sleep deprived, you never know how many times you're going to be up in the night...it's a miracle anyone survives, really!

On top of that you've got a toddler at what I think is the hardest age. I remember it well because DD was just at that age in the 2nd half of my pregnancy with DS. I can feel myself knotting up just remembering some of our shopping trips!

Totally agree with Robino! The more it looks like you're coping, the more DPs leave you to do. Credit to him, mine's always been fairly willing but he's like a robot - you've got to program him explicity before he can funtion. One glitch in your program and he's got the dirty socks in the pan, the pasta in the washer and the baby banging round the tumble dryer! Its the feeling of being completely omni-responsible that gets me down! I had a major meltdown with him at New Year and I've managed to get him to do simple things to help. Several times, he's even used his initiative , and double and, do you know, he's not nearly as useless as he'd like me to think he is!

DH is great with 6mo+ but, to be honest, I think a lot of them really are scared of little babies.

Beachcomber · 11/03/2009 07:54

Hi SMS, glad you are feeling a bit better. I think it really helps and indeed is important to say when we are feeling bad and not bottle things up. And just look at all the people who have said "I felt just like that tis normal".

I remember a wise friend of mine saying 'relax, chill and try to enjoy your children' when I was stressing over the lack of routine with DD2 and the fact that I hadn't managed to bath DD1 that day (hah have deffo lowered standards as only bath both of them every 2 days now).

Can I poke my nose into your affairs and make a comment about your DH. Obviously I know nothing about him or your relationship but your post about him getting up made me think.

If your DH gets up to the baby in the night then be glad and let him try. Never mind if he will want his ego massaged over it, that's what men can be like. I have a lot of reasons for saying this.

Firstly the fact that he got up means that he wants to help and wants to show you that he is supporting you and realises that you need and deserve support. If you send him off with a flea in his ear he will, rightfully, feel shut out and unappreciated. He might not bother again.

Also they are his children too even if you are their main carer at the moment. We mothers have a tendency to shut everybody out when it comes to our babies, including their fathers. This is not fair on the fathers or the children and we are not doing ourselves any favours either. Fathers need to bond with children in their own way and find their own way of managing things. Mothers need to stand back and let them.

Dads are good at walking about with crying babies, burping them and bathing them. They should be encouraged to do these things. It gives us a break, makes the kids happy and lets dad be dad.

Men are kinda fragile things really. They run away from things and hide in jobs and sheds if given any reason to do so. If women tell them off for not putting nappies on straight or for dressing children in bizarre outfits they lose confidence and start to think it is safer not to bother. We then blame them for not helping.

Talk to your DH but remember that men prefer actions to words. Let him get up in the night and thank him for it, he is trying to help.

Sorry for being so candid and the above may not apply to you but it applies to practically every man and woman so I'm guessing that you guys are not an exception.

Hope you have a good day. Get a sling!!!!

With a sling (a good proper comfortable one) you can take your oldest out in the pram with the baby in the sling.

SomeMightSay · 11/03/2009 08:08

Beach yeah, you're right, everything you've said there is just spot on. He was quite good last night. He cooked dinner, sterilised bottles, washed up, he fed the baby through the night too which was lovely.

robino · 11/03/2009 08:27

SMS that sounds a bit better. Absolutely let him do stuff - I have a friend who has been terrible at letting her DH do anything and he's just given up and retreated (although I suspect he wouldn't have been brilliant anyway), last time I saw her she was talking about divorce because she does everything on her own anyway

And how fab that he did the night feeds - it's the tiredness that makes everything worse. Am suffering distinctly in that way at the mo - DD2 is BF and until recently completely refused to take a bottle so I've ended up doing all night wakings for 8 months (fortunately OH has dealt with DD1 when she's woken). He managed to get her to take a bottle in the middle of the night at the weekend and I would have had a full night's sleep for the first time in 8 months except DD1 woke with a nightmare while he was dealing with DD2! And DD1 is sleeping appallingly at the mo. We're both just exhausted. Oops, sorry - didn't mean to hijack and it is still easier on the day to day stuff than when DD2 was tiny (it's just the cumulative tiredness of two poor sleepers taking effect!)

SomeMightSay · 11/03/2009 08:33

OMG robino 8 months? Wow! Sods law that dd1 would wake up though isn't it? Not long til next weekend though, hopefully that'll be a better one for you.
I really don't know how people manage, but suppose we just have to.

SomeMightSay · 11/03/2009 08:34

Maybe I should do dp a star chart too

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