Right, advice needed please as I will soon be embarking on "sex education" talks with 9yo DD

[NorbertDentressangle]

I've picked up from old threads that the book "Lets Talk About Sex" is very good for the 9-12 age range but, beyond that, I don't know how to tackle things.

I haven't bought the book yet so when I see it I may have more of an idea I suppose, but wondered ...is it best to sit and go through a bit with them each night? Leave the book with them in between chats to look at themselves?(or will that just cause her to be reading ahead of what we've discussed which may complicate matters?)

Shes a very sensitive little thing (very emotional, worries needlessly about everything) so do I need to take this very slowly?

Does it generate lots of horrendous questions?

Should I establish what she knows (or thinks she knows) first of all?

DP and I felt that it would be best coming from me (and he'll do the same with DS when hes older -no doubt learning from my mistakes if I make a mess of this ).

Help!

Hasn't she asked any questions yet?

I would start by telling her about periods, after all some children start as early as 9 now.

My dd is 8 and she knows that she has 3 holes in her bottom area, one for weeing, one for pooing and one that the baby comes out of. She also knows that her 'front bottom' is called a vagina.

She knows that the woman releases an egg every month and if the egg is fertilised by the man's sperm, it can turn into a baby.

She knows the sperm comes from the man's willy (or penis) and he has to put his willy into the woman's middle hole to get the sperm in.

She knows this is called making love and people do that when they love each other very much. In fact the other day she told me that they would need to stand very close together for this to happen! I just nodded and said that they give each a very special hug and that it's lovely and nice.

Do tell her however that it is a grown-up thing to do. Children shouldn't try to do it and so if anyone touches the bits of her that are covered by a bikini, she must tell you straight away.

Keep it all matter-of-fact and answer her questions as honestly as you can, using simple language. Don't betray any embarrassment as it'll only deter her from asking further questions.

I'd be very surprised if she didn't know some of this already through playground talk.

I got a book from the library for dd - can't remember the title now. We didn't go through the whole book, just picked the bits she and I were interested in.

Take it at her pace, slowly or not. For my dd there were some things that she wanted to go over again and again, mostly around the changes to do with puberty.

The only questions I found difficult were when she asked about what dp and I do. I just wouldn't answer those. I made it into a joke, "none of your bees-wax."

lol at "standing very close together for it to happen"!

Thanks Rhubarb. Sounds like you've got it sussed.

I have told her a bit about periods (cropped up after I found some of my unwrapped and unused Tampax being used for a craft activity in her bedroom )

She also knows bits like how a baby comes out of a womans body. Shes also bound to know other stuff from playground talk like you said

Sparks -I can imagine those questions being a bit difficult too. There is such a thing as TMI when it comes to your own parents and sex

I've tried to be as open with mine as I can, and yet I've taken her out of sex ed at school. I think the DVDs they show the kids go way too far. I prefer to have contol over what my child knows and when.

She's seen what happens when I get my periods and she knows all about pmt!!! I also had ds at home and she's asked me questions about the birth which I've answered.

I'm very pleased when she does ask me questions because it means that she's not embarrassed to come and talk to me about it all. Never put a question off, if she's old enough to ask it then she's old enough to know the answer. The worst thing you can do is to reply by saying "I'll tell you that when you're older." That just drives them into asking their friends and getting confused and frustrated.

Keep it simple, fact-like and friendly!

The questions have been very rare actually.

The main one was about how babies come out and I answered that honestly (really difficult trying to work out an age-appropriate answer that is suitable for their understanding when you're also concentrating on driving!)

Rhubarb, can I ask how old your dd was when she first knew this?

I have just bought this for myy 6yo dd, but my dh doesn't approve

dd asked me if giving birth hurts! I hummed and ahhed but dh said 'YES'!

I wonder how he knows?

oh, BTW, the question about how babies come out was a couple of years ago but shes not yet asked how they "get in"

Ooh now I'm not familiar with all the books available, we've never used books.

dd has always known about periods because I've never hidden it from her. So she's been in the loo with me when I've been changing my pads and I've briefly explained to her what it's all about, giving her a more detailed explanation as she got older.

She was 3 when I gave birth to ds and she knew then that the baby came out of a hole near your bottom.

I tend not to voluntarily bring the subject up, she comes and asks. So it would have been around 2 or 3 years ago when she wanted to know how the baby got there in the first place. Back then I said that mummy and daddy made the baby by making love. It's only in the last year that's she's known about the penis going into the vagina.

Thanks.

Any more advice from anyone?