Feel totally worn out and no option of a break ...how do others cope...?

[OlderNotWiser]

Thats about says it all really. How does everyone else do it? I feel close to cracking up at the mo yet my children are no harder than average, and in many ways I am luckier than average...DH tries to be supportive, we are not too skint.

But I am just so totally shattered and demotivated at the moment, just from life, no special reason for it. I have a high octane but needy, cant-entertain-himself-for-a-nano-second 3 year old, and a super clingy 18 month toddler that follows me round and whines at me all day...both have perfected the art of tantrumming of course. DS2 wakes between 4.15 and 5.15am, DS1 did before him and so I have been doing earlies for over 3 years now and every one of them these days makes me want to cry. I share it with DH in fact, but I seem to have become something of an insomniac and wake even when I dont need to, as early as 2am sometimes, and wont be able to get back to sleep. Im finding myself putting the kettle in the fridge and such like at the mo. Just not on top of things any more.

Sorry, waffling a bit...getting back to the point, how do people cope when there are no options of childcare, respite etc? Other than just getting on with it...?

Should say DS1 does do 5 hours of pre school a week, DS2 wont be left with anyone so no chance of a break from him.

Could you book something up to look forward to? I've got a friends wedding which means two nights away on my own, and its been keeping me going for weeks if not months now.

Can DH have the children for two nights? There's a good deal for a spa in this months Zest magazine if finance/inclination allows? But it should be for two nights or you'll be doing breakfast one day, and tea bath and bed the next. You need a whole 24 hours

Just a thought.

ONW, huuuuge sympathy! In a similar position I found that anything that broke the monotony and shook things up a bit helped. So supermarket at 10am on Monday morning and park afterwards instead of flying round at 5pm on saturday afternoon, or leaving one day a week unplanned for the express intention of doing something different each time and then DRAGGING myself and ds out to do it... that sort of thing, just helped to keep things a little bit more interesting.

It will pass, I think the general atmosphere of gloom doesn't help, lots of long faces everywhere etc aren't easy to deal with when you¡re trying to perk yourself up.

Good idea too about booking something to look forward to!

I go to bed when the children do if I'm run down - it's bliss to wake up and realise you've had 8 hrs!
Why not work up to stuff in stages? Try for 1 more morning a week at preschool for ds1 which he'll hardly feel, but you'll appreciate.
Rather than putting ds2 in childcare (boys and childcare under 3 can be difficult and sometimes harder if it's only 1 morning as they forget for a week) why not leave him with someone he's comfortable with like his dad and your mum? My dh goes swimming with his dad and our 3 kids every Sunday morning - sometimes I clean up and sometimes I watch tv!
This will end - ds1 will be in school, ds2 will sleep like ds1 does now.
However, you have to make sure you don't crash the car with tiredness in the mean time - so go to bed, get a cleaner, arrange a lie in deal with dh, beg your mum to put up with a crying ds2, what ever you can.
Best of luck.

Oldernotwiser - I know you say you have tried everything and seem resigned to the fact your kids are/were early wakers as you were, but 4.15 and 5.15 am is not "early". It is still the middle of the night! 6 am would be early, ie a time that is a bit before what you would generally prefer to get up at but could cope with on a day to day basis. I am amazed you even have DC2 after DC1 kept waking at that time when he was little! I think you should rethink about tackling this as a sleep problem because you will then find less need for all of the other coping mechanisms. And I guarantee any difficulties with behaviour such as regular tantrums will be more easily sorted once the kids are sleeping 10-12 hours each night. You meanwhile only need to lose an hour a night of sleep to lose a night's sleep in a week. You can guess what the cumulative effect of that over months and years is. I have really worked on getting mine to sleep well and would happily offer any advice I can if you wanted to try again? Just let me know.

In the meantime, don't martyr yourself as others have said. DC2 will survive in childcare. Whether you will survive without him being in childcare sounds like another matter altogether! It won't last forever but surely you want to take control of the situation rather than just putting up with it waiting for the magic moment when sleep reigns and behaviour improves?

Ok everyone, will take the advice and a. book some time away one weekend soon. I owe a long over due visit to a friend who lives by the sea so would be a fab first weekend away from DS2. ( Will try not to fret about leaving DH to it...guilt is soooo my thing I've realised) b. get a cleaner - its a pit here today again c. look into childcare for my little cling-on...

And moshi...well yes, we do feel we have tried everything to sort out the early wake-ups(as I said tis 3 years of it now!!) but Im more than happpy to take advice. Psychologically the earlies are killing me...by 10am Ive done 5 hours of day already hence nose dive in mood and energy levels pm I guess. So, yes please, tell me what you know ! Thanks for the offer.

Are your 2 in the smae room? I moved my two early risers into the same room and it did help (up at 6 now instead of 4.30/ 5am). Just a thought. Good luck and much sympathy from another knackered mum

'same' room! See- knackered!

OlderNotWiser- just noticed I hadn't removed this from the 'threads I'm watching' area. So was wondering- how are things? Are you feeling any better? Have you managed to get some sleep? Some help with the children? Some regular childcare? Really hoping things have improved for you as I know that totally knackered feeling is horrible

could you get homestart to come and help you out?

also do you have blackout blinds and blackout curtains? 4.15 is (IMO) the middle of the night, and 5.15 isnt much better...

perhaps you need to get tough.... no getting up / lights on etc until 5.30 (then 5.45 / 6am etc)... lieing in a dark room is bound to get too boring and maybe they might opt to go back to sleep etc? worth a try.

really good luck

you sound like you are doing well and a weekend childfree with your friend by the sea sounds like a good idea

here's a really honest answer. try baby tv. do you have sky or virgin? it's on 24 hours so 415 is no problem!
put him in a chair, turn it on, and spend some time cuddling (at least you'll be lying down) next to the tv.

the other thing that really really helps is a cleaner. on top of all the hard work, cleaning after everyone can be a neverending nightmare and some help once a day makes a huge difference. especially with laundry, vaccuuming and dishes....

hope that is helpful in any way