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Parenting

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Original poster

dd is 7 tomorrow. just realised we havent had a detailed FACTS OF LIFE chat...yikes

24 replies

noonar · 09/03/2009 10:39

i have always been open with dd1 when addressing any questions she has about bodies, babies and where they come from, periods and such like...but have just realised that we havent covered the bit about how dady's seed actually reaches the egg should she know this already, dyou think? have i left it too late? has she already found out 'on the playground', i wonder?? i did buy a copy of babette cole's 'mummy laid an egg', but havent actually read it to her yet.

she's gonna be 7 tomorrow. she's a v mature girl...

does your 7 year old know about sex yet?

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Original poster

noonar · 09/03/2009 10:40

'daddy's'

OP posts:

GrapefruitMoon · 09/03/2009 10:43

Well ds1 is also 7 and it hadn't even occurred to me to "have the talk" - it doesn't seem that long since I had this with his older sister. I would say that at 7 unless your dd asks there is no need to broach the subject yet (but it probably depends on what her peers a school are like and might know...)

SoupDragon · 09/03/2009 10:43

DS2 (8) only knows because DS1 is getting the talk at school this year. I made DH do it seeing as they're boys. I get to chat with DD I guess but she's only 3

why do you think she needs to know? I only insisted DH had the chat with DS1 so it didn't come as an awful shock in class next term. If he'd asked I would have answered his questions but he didn't. Not even when he was 7 and I was pregnant with DD (he asked how the baby got out but not how it got in there, oddly enough)

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Original poster

noonar · 09/03/2009 10:51

well she is just starting to be a bit more aware and interested with 'grown up' stuff like teenagers snogging...she watched a steamy scene from mamma mia at a friends house - not ideal- and it seems to have made quite an impression on her.

she also has recounted stuff she's heard from a street wise girl at school, along the lines of 'X and Y sitting in a tree doing S.E.X' ...charming, eh?

so.. i guess i just felt i ought to get in there soon with some facts, before the plyground misconceptions set in. does that make sense?

OP posts:

madwomanintheattic · 09/03/2009 10:54

dd is 9. no talk round here.

oh, and that tree/ S.E.X thing they all sing it. i said, 'oh, that's interesting' in an unthreatening way 'what's S.E.X' then?' no-one had the faintest idea, and actually weren't that bothered.

i'm waiting until they appear interested. not sure i want my kids to be teaching the others the facts of life.

ComeOVeneer · 09/03/2009 10:57

DD is very mature for her age. She was 7 in Jan and she just has a very basic idea of where babies come from.

I am in no rush for her to grow up so will broach it in more detail only when she comes to me with questions.

Original poster

noonar · 09/03/2009 10:58

madwoman, dd1 whispered the s.e.x thing infront of her sis (4) as she clearly felt it was unsuitable for her to hear! as we were in the car with her little sis, i couldnt follow up the conversation to find out if she knew what it meant.

OP posts:

bamboobutton · 09/03/2009 11:00

i knew about sex(sort of) well before i was 7 because mum and dad left a childrens picture book about sex where we could find it, i can still remember the pictures.

this sort of thing

Original poster

noonar · 09/03/2009 11:00

maybe it is too soon. just didnt want to be the last to tell my dd and wanted to find out what the average age is to know these things.

OP posts:

PlumBumMum · 09/03/2009 11:01

dd was 8 yesterday, hadn't even occurred to me, but like veneer I'm in rush for her to grow up

Original poster

noonar · 09/03/2009 11:06

in only occurred to me cos she's commenting on stuff she's being exposed to in the big wide world... as i say, it may well be too soon.

OP posts:

madwomanintheattic · 09/03/2009 11:06

she won't have a clue lol - they just know that it's something a bit funny that children aren't supposed to know about

that's how i overheard dd1 and the lift share boy (whispering it to dd2 and ds1) but once i had done the first drop off i asked them as soon as i heard them singing it (whispery) again not a scooby. although dd1 was a tiny bit embarassed that i had asked (but only because she didn't know, and felt a bit silly, not because she knew iyswim)

but then lift share boy (lol) also sung one about mum being in bed with uncle fred, which was quite... erm... interesting. i asked him too lol 'oh, what does that mean then'. they are quite sweet. it's a bit like benny hill round our way - all song and dance and fortunately no substance at the mo!

it's clearly only a matter of time before the subject will be broached, but they really aren't ready yet here

PlumBumMum · 09/03/2009 11:08

Sorry I'm in no rush

Although noonar we do watch home and away etc which does have some unsuitable things in it, my dd hasn't questioned me yet I suppose I would feel differently if she did

motherinferior · 09/03/2009 11:15

My five year old asked me do you just need a mummy yesterday. No, I said, I've told you that you need the daddyseed to meet the mummmyegg. So how do you do that, she asked. Well, sometimes you do it just using the daddyseed, I said (she has cousins who have lesbian parents so I need to be a bit technical) and sometimes you do it by the daddy putting his willy into the mummy's fanny. Ah, she said, how does it fit? It's a stretchy hole, I pointed out, it has to let a baby out after all.

She seemed remarkably unfazed if a little revolted.

lljkk · 09/03/2009 11:18

I explained in specific detail to dd7 & ds9 about 4 months ago.
Because they were saying strange things about what sex was -- I thought it best not 2 let them continue believing such rubbish.
I would have waited longer otherwise.
I also said very clearly that sex was not something for children or for people to do with close relatives. I think they needed that spelling out(!)

It was surprisingly easy to just tell them, and DS especially was grateful for the clarification . It helps that they have taken plenty of baths together over the years, so have a pretty clear idea about the opposite sex bits.
I have alluded to sexual predators, too. Along the lines of 'Some bad people use sex to hurt other people; most people are good and would never do such a thing, but you have to learn to spot the bad people.'

lljkk · 09/03/2009 11:19

Revolted is def the reaction DC had, too, MI. DD is convinced she would NEVER do that with a boy.
I can tell DS is more open-minded.

FAQinglovely · 09/03/2009 11:19

I told my DS1 and 2 about it a few months ago (aged 8 and nearly 5 at the time).

That was interesting - trying to pitch it at both levels and answer questions at both levels without tmi for the younger one but leaving the older one going "what??"

madwomanintheattic · 09/03/2009 11:20

lol at 'a little revolted' - all mine know how the baby gets out lol (and were similarly affected,) they just haven't quite got to how it gets in. although dd2 did ask if you have to have an operation for the doctor to put the baby in as well as get it out (we were talking about cs at the time)...

erm. no....

PlumBumMum · 09/03/2009 11:32

Yeap mine know how babies get out, and know that daddy gives mummy a 'twinkle', they just haven't asked anymore than that

SoupDragon · 09/03/2009 12:58

DSs have been singing that S.E.X song for ages. DS1 said, after the talk, that he finally knows why people giggle at it and when they see the word sex in the dictionary. Bless him!

SoupDragon · 09/03/2009 12:59

DS2 (8) piped up with "We now know the disgusting reason that girls' bits are inside and boys are like this!"

RockinSockBunnies · 09/03/2009 14:14

Gosh - this thread is really surprising to come across. DD (almost 8) has known the basics for years - penis, vagina, sperm, egg, that sex can be for procreation and for fun and that if you're not making babies then use condoms!

I don't think that having rudimentary knowledge of sex will make children any less innocent or will create any problems in the long-run. I've always been very open about things (walk around the house naked, tampons and condoms in the bathroom etc) and want DD to have the correct knowledge about her body and about the basics of sex, so as to refute the daft stuff that gets spouted in the playground. I don't want DD to think of sex as something 'dirty' or something that should be spoken about in hushed tones.

There are some good books around - I bought Let's Talk About Where Babies Come from by Robie H. Harris from Amazon and DD enjoyed reading it.

Anyway, to the OP, I'd certainly broach the topic in a bit more detail sooner rather than later.

applepudding · 09/03/2009 22:28

My DH told DS (7) a few months ago - he just came out with it one day using very basic language about daddy's willy and mommy's hole. I have no idea why he told him then, DS had not been asking.

I was a bit cross and asked him afterwards why he'd said it and he just said 'well he's got to know' DS was remarkably uninterested and I didnt' think he believed him, until we were round his friends house one day and I jokingly commented that he had been left by aliens 'no I wasn't' he said and repeated word for word the info DH had told him .....

So on reflection - yes tell her sooner rather than later but have some agreement with your DH how and when you will approach the topic.

sphil · 09/03/2009 22:53

I would also recommend the Robie Harris book - have just bought it for DS1 (7.9) after he started asking how babies were born ("and I don't mean all that sperm and egg stuff, I know that, but I mean HOW does the sperm get to the egg EXACTLY?") We've read the first few chapters but he hasn't asked for any more - too interested in 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe' atm!

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