going to uni son 15 months advice please wise mummies out there

[Laila1984]

Hi All,

I have a bit of a dilemma, I have a place to study law at university in October. I had everything sorted and finalised but now my parents are saying that I am being selfish and the baby comes first now. I want to get the education to better his life in the future however they are making me feel really bad and saying that he will become detached if he goes to nursery this young.

Do you mums out there have any advice? How are kids when they are at nursery before the age of 2? Any uni mums out there who can give me some advice.

I want to do whats best for my little man and stuck in two minds....

Thanks

Laila

I had my oldest when I was at Uni - he was born in the July and I started my final year in the October. It was fine. It's bloody hard work but completely doable, and you are setting a very good example to your DS. And if you're not comfortable with babies in nurseries, look into childminders in your area.

Your parents are wrong. Your plans are not selfish in the slightest bit, and you'll be OK. And well done on getting the place .

Although yes your son does need to come first in some aspects, so do you. You need to do things for yourself so you don't slip into just being a mom. You need to be true to who you are and really you will be benifiting his life in the long run by providing for him and being a happy person and therefor a happy mom.

My sister never went to nursery and when she started school she didn't have very good social skills and still doesn't. I am not saying that I think people who don't put their kids in nursery are wrong, but I do think it would benifit him in some ways too.

This is also a great time to go to school with the economy being the way it is so that when it turns around you will be able to get a good job.

Also, you can work your schedule so he is not there 5 days a week all day. I went to Uni and I only had to go to campus 3 days a week for a few hours at a time.

Listen to your needs as well as your sons and you will know what is right. Don't let anyone...even parents turn you away from your dreams. Just because you have a kid now does not mean your dreams have to stop.

Hope that helps and good luck!

I don't think you are being selfish at all, many universities have attached nurseries so you might be able to be more flexible than you had at first planned. Also you will have very long holidays, my neice and god-daughter is at Durham and has 4 weeks after easter until all her exams are over! She's only at uni for 23 weeks a year and only has 7 hours compulsory time a fortnight (but lots more 'optional' lectures and a lot of reading)

Also, think of the opportunities you will be able to give your son, in 10 or 15 years time I'd hazard a guess that you'll be a lot more likely to pay for that ski trip or the mobile phone he HAS TO HAVE for xmas with a law degree than without one!

Good luck and I for one think you're setting you're son a wonderful example

Do they think all mums should stay home and not work then or is there something about doing unpaid study that makes this especially selfish? i have some friends who find my studying hard to understand yet I think if I were 'working' they wouldn't give it any thought.

I had dd during my PhD. She started nursery 2 afternoons/week at 7 mo, 2 days/week at 15 mo, then 3 days/week from 26 mo. I would have used more childcare and maybe finished quicker but she has always been very shy and I didn't want her to go full-time.

Studying is much more flexible than working - just not so well-paid, unfirtuately. This is probably a better time in many ways than when he's a bit older - and more expensive.

I've switched dd to a chidminder now and that has been much better for her.

I started my undergraduate degree in history full-time when DD was 15 months. I'm a lone parent, so things were a bit of a juggling act. DD was at nursery full-time from the start, but it was very flexible in terms of dropping-off and picking up, so I could collect her mid-afternoon if I wanted to since I didn't have that much contact time other than a few tutorials here and there.

You don't mention if you have a DH/DP for support. Regardless of that, you can certainly successfully combine a degree with motherhood. You need to be organised and obviously there are sacrifices that are made in terms of socialising and meeting other students, but it's doable.

Law is a great choice by the way! I'm currently doing a law conversion course (Graduate Diploma in Law) and really enjoying it.

Don't worry about being seen as selfish. You're doing the best for yourself and your DS and providing the opportunity for a great future for yourselves. Your DS will appreciate your committment and hard-work.

Not experienced in this but I think you are doing absolutely the right thing. It's true that you will probably have a lot less compulsory uni time than people working fulltime jobs, but remember that you will also need time to study (writing essays is hard enough without looking after a baby) so remember to factor in some childcare for that as well.

Good luck! (and come back to MN for chat/support if you can find the time )

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments and I it has shed some much needed light on my predicament.

I think in certain cultures its seen as very selfish to do anything for yourself after you have children, so I will just have to accept that I will be deemed the evil bad mother for a while but to be honest I don't really care, as long as my DS is ok at nursery and happy. He is very sociable and loves meeting other children, so I don't think there will be a problem as he just sees everything as an opportunity to play

I will definately try to limit the time I put him in at the beginning and hopefully put him in a nursery closer to uni so I can pick him up on the way home.

I am really pleased to have got a place to read law and hopefully the degree will open more doors for me in the future and to Rockinsockbunnies good luck in your legal career!

Thank you for your words of advice and well done all of you for getting degrees whilst looking after children!!