can anyone help re: my daughter attacking me

[rhksmum]

I had to phone the police last night as my 11 year old daughter was pysically attacking me from 6pm to 1130pm
She has been hitting me for 14 months, wrecked the house, attempted to smash my laptop, had her brother by the throt trying to strangle him, has attacked my friend and her partner, refused to go to school on a few occassions.

We have a social worker asssistant involved, no that she does much, a worker from Intense Family Support but she cant help us any more as everything she has tried hasnt worked
We have now been re referred back to camhs but on the 2 other occassions they have refused to see us so I've not got my faith in that happening

Standby social work said last night that I wasnt to let her see me being weak, that I havent to cry in front of her, which is very hard when your beng battered black and blue and things being thrown at you, that I was to go in a room and pratice saying no in a firm voice and that will make it all stop

First crisis that I use for myself were concerned that her behaviour was going contribute to another hospital admission for me

She does get punished for what she does wether it be grounded/loss of privelagies(sp)/no friends in the house , I dont know what else to do
As I'm typing this she's kicking me, everytime I move away she follows and carries on doing it, even whenI told her the police were coming she just laughed, she's scared of nothin/no-one

If anyone can help with advice, services etc I would be eternally grateful because we cant go on like this and her brothers cant keep missing out on things or getting hit by her

Thanks for reading this

I think its hard for girls.. they have kids bodies but adult heads.

Stay calm.

Be reasonable

Be logical.

Keep a grip.

Oh dear.

This is really sad.

I don't know what's up but glad she is getting seen urgently.

It crosses my mind that she might be very angry for various reasons -

1. Possibly a child's way of trying to communicate that something bad has happened to her...that's something I don't know about, but you might have an instinct for.

1. Parental separation can make a child very upset and angry sometimes

1. Mine is always worse when I am feeling depressed. I have long term depression and when I am ill or vulnerable, he is terrified and it comes across as anger. He's scared nobody is there to look after him when I'm fed up...of course I do take care of him but he knows i'm not strong iyswim and that's scary for him.

1. Her father might be demonstrating violent behaviour in front of her when she's with him.

Good luck with Cahms and let us know what they say. I'm sorry for you and your poor girl x

I know she's really really young, but is there any possibility she could be experimenting with drugs? These outbreaks of violence sound like more than just an angry 11 year old.

Hiya I have no advice but have been reading this thread and I heard of 2 ladies on the bus once discussing a similar situation - think the girl was 13. The girl was out of control - same violence for hours towards the mum. At one point she threatened her with a knife and the mum called the police. I think from them talking it sadly took a while to get any proper help and the mum ended up saying she couldnt cope and the child had to go in to care for a while (was just a few days)

From their conversation it sadly seemed they needed to push and push for help. If that means calling the police at every incident then do it. Especially if the alternative is you having a break down.

(This was in Scotland too so same system)

I do think its rediculas that you have asked for help and are not getting it. Have you suggested to your dd that she call childline and discuss her feelings? As long as she doesnt give any details then is confidential.

Keep posting on here. I hope things improve.

Oh and with Childline if she wants they can offer her on going support, quite probably with the same person every week that she can phone and chat to.

If she was to disclose her details to childline then they can contact social work on her bahalf and push for some help if she wanted - but she absolutely doesnt have to give these details, it would be up to her. They take a very different approach to other services in that its very child centred, and no matter what else is going on in the childs life they will listen. Might be worth a try.

All I can say is you must be a real saint,if my DD hit or kicked me, she would get exactly the same back, in the hope that she would realise it is not nice when someone hurts you. Then she would have things like tv, computer, phone stopped and sent on a guilt trip.
I know this probably doesn?t help you and i know a lot of you would never hit or smack your child but you should never let them get away with things like that.
I know you have called the police, but next time she attacks you need to go down to the police station and make an official complaint and tell them you want them to take action. They will have to come and arrest her and give her an official warning and one strike against her name. if it happens again go down to the police again and she will get a second warning. It is at this stage the authorities start getting involved and they can?t do enough to help.
I had to go through all this last year when a child assaulted my child, at the end of it all the child that was doing the assaulting had a police man assigned to him that goes to see him every week and a whole load of other agency?s trying to help out.

I'm not sure the heavy handed approach is the correct one in this instance - it sounds as though the child is actually very disturbed for whatever reason.

Getting to the bottom of that might take time and patience and the help of sensible, trained professionals - playing her at her own 'game' as an adult would give completely the wrong message imo.

Hi just read this my son is also 11 and suffers from adhd and autism he is exactly the same was as your daughter I have had social workers for him and school couldn't even manage his behaviour and he was removed to a special needs school I've spent 100 s trying to sort the house out after all the damages hes done constantly attacking me I'm covered head to toe in bruises the violence is getting more and more severe did social workers refer you to nvr training? I have a 4 year old and because of how bad my other son is hes been living at his dads for 2 months

Your situation sounds so hard. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.
From what you've said she's had a lot to deal with... The separation of her mum and dad and the loss of her family unit and also her mum going into hospital. I imagine she feels scared and sad and her response mechanism is anger, almost a cry for help. She's pushing you to see if you will abandon her. I hope you don't.
If you have mental health problems I take it you are either on medication or having talking therapy? I would imagine hospitalisation would be the last resort surely? I understand what you meant about how you explain things to your daughter but I think at the age of 11 saying if you continue to do this I will end up going to hospital is not a healthy message. You will absolutely be playing to her fear that she isn't in a stable environment and she will react with more violence as she is scared.
Please see if you can get her private counselling ASAP which would be quicker than waiting for your local authority to do something, you and your H could pay for it together maybe.

I am 16 now. I developed depression when I was 14. Then I started to lash out physically at my grandparents when I got angry and I would scream on the top of my lungs right into their faces. My depression has been successfully treated once we tried two different antidepressants. It could be possible she has mental health disorders like bipolar disorder or scizophrenia.

The child in question will be 22 now. I hope it worked out ok for the OP and her daughter.

Hiya hun can you give me a message please the woman who posted about this please thank you