Can't stop crying, not coping very well at the moment....

[toyseverywhere]

I'm struggling to cope at the moment. Have 2.5yo & 1yo and 14 wks pg with #3. Been ill this week with horrid cold, doctor ordered bed rest until next week so hubbie had to cancel trip to europe and kids with inlaws today.
I feel so crap as woke up with no kids here and missed them so much could not stop crying. Am stay at home mum and have just moved 3 mths ago. Found nice friends already but i'm still sad. Feel like such a crap mum as if I'm unhappy I can't be bothered with my kids and just find everything they do to be a complete pain and end up being mean to them, esp 2.5yo who is very willful at times.
I know my behaviour makes things worse, I just have no energy to do anything with them. All I seem to do is feed them (crap most of the time as I'm so shattered) and pick up mess. Hubbie does not cook, clean, do washing, put anythying away after himself. I hate housework and staying in all the time, but I feel so trapped and miserable I can't seam to change anything.
I have put on loads of weight since having the kids as find myself boredom eating at home and I have to time or inclanation to exercise. Not sure what to do really. I put on a smily face to everyone I meet, nobody would ever think I feel this way.
When I try and talk to my hubbie about it he tells me to stop being such a negative person and that I wasn't negative when he met me, which I know I wasn't - I just don't have any of my old life left and the old me has gone.
Just want to be a good mum with happy kids, but it's all going wrong....

I havn't thought about it, I suppose I don't want to admit I'm not coping. Should really talk with HV, but can't do it with kids around, plus by the time they see me I'll proabbly be having a good day or have my happy face on. Not sure what they could do anyway, I just worry that they would stick me on a list of nutter mums to watch out for and I'd lose the kids (not that the situation is anywhere near that bad, and it never would be - i'm just paranoid...) Oh, I feel so shit today - just need to get my act together!!!

Let's start at the beginning....

From what you have written, you sound like a fabulous mum who loves hers kids to death, is pregnant and has a DH who doesn't help with the exhausting and DULL domestic chores....PLUS you've just uprooted and moved (which will be affecting the kids as well as you).

ok - I personally think that:

1. Being pregnant is fearsomely tiring.
2. Tidying and cooking (or creating meals however you do it), is exhausting when you are already exhausted as you are having to move constantly and also plan in advance etc etc. It is very dull, relentless and thank less.
3. Moving house is a biggy - psychologically and also tiring because you are having to deal with new everything - house, friends etc

so - the over-riding thing here to me is that your DH (or someone) needs to help with the physical stuff on an ongoing basis. He sounds like he is being mean to you about it, which will only make you feel worse BUT you may need to ignore it for one necessary conversation. I would sit him down and tell him that you're not coping with the set up as it is and that you need him to help by clearing away his crap. It may be that you sweep it all in to a corner once a day and he deals with it when he gets home, but deal with it he must. You would also like him to help by taking things up and down the stairs that will be left at either end of the stairs as needs be. And whoever 'does the stairs' picks up what's there and drops it off at the other end (even better if they can put it away!). You would also like him to share the cooking by either doing 2 meals a week, or organising a take away. you would also like him to share with the cleaning OR you would like a cleaner for 3 hours a week.

I don't think you're 'not coping' i think you're 'not happy' and that's very different.

From what you say your role is to stay in all day doing all the cooking, cleaning and housework for two kids AND your husband while being pregnant and (temporarily) ill.

I'd be bloody unhappy if that was my life too!!!

Being a SAHM does NOT have to be like that. You need to sort out your life so that it is more enjoyable with a reasonable balance of keeping house to parenting and a reasonable contribution from your husband (who is not entitled to do no housework or parenting 24/7 just becaue he works 40hrs a week!)

Think about what you want to be doing with the kids - why are you at home? to do stuff with them, take them places etc...?

Then work round that... do you need your husband to help more with parenting or housework? if he wont do housework do you need some support from a cleaner?

Then don't forget to factor in some alone time (even if just one hour a week) to do something you enjoy that refreshes you - i bet your husband gets that!

Take control! - you can do it! honestly.

Look if it's any consolation everyone I know who has been pregnant with No.3 has felt in some way like you - me included.

With the third one you are exhausted and you can only see it going on and on like Groundhog Day.

I've found this pregnancy tougher physically and emotionally than I thought I would.

But - You are doing the hardest bit of pregnancy at the moment - you WILL feel better, believe me.

Do you have anything to look forward to? Is there anything you could do for yourself? Exercise class? Evening class?

Do you have plans for when you've had this baby? COuld you look into doing some kind of study?

You are having a rough time at the moment toyseverywhere. Please don't beat yourself up. We all have bad days and when you're feeling poorly and under the weather everything comes crashing in on you. And that's without the burdens you're already carrying!

I hope by the time you read this you'll be feeling a little better, even if just for getting things off your chest.

I'd imagine most mums on here can relate to these feelings. Raising kids is the hardest job in the world and your DH should be supporting you (though I know that's easier said than done sometimes). Stay at home mum shouldn't automatically mean drudge.

Thanks everyone for their comments, am feeling a bit better now - been asleep for 4 hours (must be ill!) and not sure there are any tears left to shed more today. DH works really long hours, leaves house at 6:30 am and returns home gone 7pm. So how can I expect him to do anything around the house during the week when his under the huge pressure he is at at work.
You're right smallorange, I need somthing to look forward too, not sure what that will be yet but need to make a plan. All I see is at least another 4/5 years of this miserable existance - not the right way to think.
I know I'm really lucky to be in the possition to spend time with my kids as they grow up and have great friends, I just have lost my positivity. You're right fluffles I do need to take control.
How does everyone else cope with days as a SAHM? Do you have plans of what you're doing with the kids? Maybe that's where I should start....

Toys - please don't be afraid to ask yur HV for help. My PND only came out after a horrendous 1st four months with DD, with DH who often worked a 55-70 hour week. Just with one it was (is, sometimes and she's 4 now ) bloody hard. I can't imagine how you are coping at all with everything you've got on your plate - you are clearly a far stronger woman than me!

My HV came once a week for a month - it was great to be able to just offload for an hour, and to run things by her for reassurance. Once we were up and running we had a few fortnightly visits, then a final one after a month before she left us to it.

If your GP thinks it's necessary there are anti depressants that it is safe to take whilst pregnant. I know it's not ideal but if it helps in the short term so you can get back on your feet and feel happier and more confident in yourself, it's better for all of you.

You will come out the side of this eventually. Wishing you the best of luck.

Hi, I'm going to agree with everyone else that it sounds as if you are a really caring mum who's shattered and missing friendship 'cos you've moved. Have a virtual hug.....!
I can so relate to what you say... Being a SAHM is hard, especially when DH works away/long hours. Homestart is a brilliant organisation if it operates near you; we are still friends with our volunteer 3years after she officially 'finished' helping us! It used to be my 2hours a week child free .
Please speak to your HV and GP about help and support for yourself. Finding out about activities near you and planning one thing to do each day or couple of days will help you get out and maybe meet people too. It doesn't have to be complicated - I used to take mine to the park, OR the duckpond, OR the shop, OR a toddler group.... Your HV should be able to point you to a few things.
Hope you get a good sleep tonight - let us know how you get on! Good Luck