Help - 20 month old has become total telly addict!

[alittleteapot]

She doesn't watch CBeebies yet, only DVDs of Paddington and Pingu which were shows I knew and trusted and liked for their innocence and charm. At first, just once in a while or when ill. But she's now totally obsessed and can't enter a room with a telly without begging and wingeing for Bear or Penguin. I think a bit of telly is ok but that ultimately it's a medium that makes you passive and I really want to minimise it for dd. On the other hand, I feel by trying to ration it I'm making it into a "thing" which could cause problems later. It's hard to rationalise why I'm saying no. Normally I'd say no to something and give a reason, but she's a bit young to get "your brain will fry."

TBH she doesn't watch that much, certainly less than half an hour a day, but I just don't like the relationship she's developing with it and kind of wish I'd never switched it on. Right now it feels like she'd watch all day if she could.

Wondering if I should a) cut it out completely till she forgets about it and wait till she's older. b) let her binge till she goes off it (not sure this would work) or c) introduce a kind of 15 mins of telly at 4pm thing and stick to it.

I think c is probably best but wondered what others did.

Part of the thing I also hate is that I've fallen into the trap of using telly as a babysitter while i do jobs while actually i'd feel more comfortable with the whole thing if we were watching together and talking about it.

Sorry bit of a long rant. I know others are in the same boat and maybe i'm being a bit puritanical about it, it's just that dd has always been obsessed with books and i'd hate this to get surpassed by tellly so young...

I did c. DD adores her telly (we have Pingu too) but she knows when she is likely to get it and when it goes off - that's it. Pick a time (or times) that will be most useful to you and stick with it.

Or just switch it off completely - but personally didn't feel the need to do that.

thanks, yes think c is probably the one...

I'm a product of 1970s no restriction on telly viewing and I prefer to read a book so it's not an inevitability that enjoying the telly will destroy her love of books. Like with everything, moderation is probably the key. Telly is enormously educational as well as entertaining so by banning it you're restricting a form of learning. Plus, what is wrong with a bit of light entertainment for any of us?

Personally we rarely have telly on during the day unless the weather is dreadful and if my DD asks then I say no we're doing such and such, you can watch it later, sometimes she moans and groans but kids will whinge to get their own way it's up to you to set ground rules and stick with them. If you make an issue out of it you'll probably make it more attractive. Make sure you have lots of alternative activities.

i think you're right ginger, but do think telly has some particular addictive qualities. i'm a 70s child l and was never allowed to watch tv before late afternoon (except reluctantly Swap Shop etc. this has left me feeling uncomfortable about tv but also i have to say i am someone who watches a lot more telly than reads books i have to say...but never in the day. sounds like i'm saying restriction was harmful but don't think so, think it's more about personality types. anyway, 20 mins at 4pm is what i think we might try.

We have a regular slot in the morning before breakfast for a short time. I found that it worked early on in the day as my Ds who is 2 then knew it wasn't going back on and has never asked for it after he has had the morning tv.
We also have the same two programmes so he also knows than when the 2nd one has finished that's it for the day. We only have 20 minutes a day and I think this is (more than ) enough for him at the moment.

I think TV is a passive activity and children and indeed adults do often need a shove to turn it off and engage with the world. I guess what I was trying to say is that there is a time and place for everything and providing you have some kind of alternative activity ie going out for a walk, painting, cutting, playing in the garden, with toys, reading (the list is endless) then they probably won't make too many demands.

I often find that when I'm cooking and just can't entertain a child hanging off my legs then that is the time to use it. I know I'm using it as a baby sitter and I don't really care, my DD gets her telly time and I get to cook in peace and I know I won't be falling over her with scalding hot pans and the likes. To be honest, DD rarely asks to watch the telly, it's usually at my suggestion and for my benefit, if she asks, I question whether there is any harm in a short session, has she watched it already today, am I trying to get out of the door etc etc if not then it's allowed. Kids programs are pretty short so you can say right just for Bob the Builder or whatever the choice is.

Sorry it's so long!

My kids are a bit older, but I do remember enjoying sitting with them when they were little and snuggling up to watch TV. I have no problems with it at all, and definitely used it when I was making tea or doing a bit of housework. When they get older they will have school all day and activities after and will only have time for a little bit of TV anyway.

You sound like a good mum so I'm sure you are providing lots of stimulation for your child.

In any case, with life as hectic as it is, it's important to have a bit of veg time!!

I think it is perfectly possible to ration something without causing a problem later.

My Mum rationed chocolate insofar as I wasn't allowed it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have not grown up with serious chocolate problems: in fact, I more or less go along with her view that chocolate makes a nice occasional treat.

My television watching was effectively rationed by the fact that we didn't have a functioning set for most of my childhood. My own dcs' watching is rationed more like my chocolate eating: a little bit is fine, but this is not the main course of our leisure activities. Hasn't caused any problems that I can see.

In fact, most things in life are rationed by either time or financial constraints as far as I can see and yet most of us manage to grow up relatively calm and unobsessive people.

I would go with the level of TV watching that you feel comfortable with and not worry about any deep psychological effects on your dd. The one thing that may have an averse effect on her is if she feels you are terrified of conflict and start tensing up as soon as there is a risk of a clash. Not worth it.

IMO its a phase they go through. I have had this with each DD- 3 of em now and DD3 is in mid obsession. She watches some morning tv and then as soon as we have dropped DD2 off at nursery she names the dvd of her choice for the morning. I try to get us out of the house at this point, then she is allowed to watch one film at some time later in the day. Unfortunately then DD2 often wants a film in the pm when she is tired after nursery and another goes on. However I am chilled as I do think it is a phase and they lose the obsessive interest at some point.
DD1 watches very little tv or dvds now and is a total bookworm.

FlyMe - that's interesting - how old is your dd3? DD woke up this morning asking for Bear and Penguin, it's feeling a bit out of hand! Reassuring to think might just be a phase.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, I'm finding it tough because she crumbles into complete devastation when i refuse. she is sometimes distractible and does get bored after a while of watching but it's still feeling a bit overly prominent in her mind...

Hi, my DD is also 20 months and completely obsessed with Postman Pat - it used to be In the Night Garden, but she's less bothered about that now. We have a point in the afternoon - about 3.30 - 4 (depending on what we've been doing) where we sit down together and watch a couple of episodes with a cup of milk / tea and biscuit. She likes me to watch it with her and we kind of snuggle (which i'm grateful for being 7 months pregnant!) She asks for Pat frequently through the day but knows now that the TV only goes on at that time, so is usually Ok when I say no it's not time yet...but she does try it on!