UP types - when they refuse to do something that just has to be done.....

[Othersideofthechannel]

I just can?t seem to reason with DS (just 6) why he needs to get dressed within a reasonable amount of time on school days.

He has always been a reluctant dresser but early last year we found a solution that worked for us. I would sit with him in his room for 5 minutes while he got dressed. If he finished within 5 minutes I would do his socks. If not, I would leave the room to get on with something else and he would finish alone. On school/work days we would do this straight after breakfast. On other days, whenever he was ready.

Recently this has stopped working because he would never be dressed within 5 minutes. He has often been taking over 20 minutes to do it and making us late for the school bus. He is sometimes still half dressed when DD is already strapped in the car (bus stop is in the next village) and I have to drive all the way to school because we miss the bus which makes it hard to get to work on time.

For info, when he is really tired (ie I have to wake him for him to be ready for school on time) I help him get dressed.

We talked about the problem a couple of days ago. We came up with me sitting with him for 6 minutes and always getting dressed before breakfast. (Logic is that breakfast which he usually spends over 20 minutes eating can be cut short/finished in the car if necessary; it's more difficult to put a child on the school bus when they are half dressed!).

This morning DS woke up refreshed with over 90 minutes before we leave the house but then got so cross at the idea of getting dressed before breakfast that he sulked for an hour, just lying on his bedroom floor while DD and I got ready.

I am quite prepared to go through this another few days if this is what it takes for him to realize that he is wasting precious play time and get a move on. But then again ?No breakfast until you?re dressed? feels like manipulation when he takes it so badly. But at the moment I have lost all faith in him getting ready in time after breakfast.

I know this issue is one that makes me lose perspective. WWYD?

Tis a long day here (italy) as well 8.30-4.30, it that's any consolation. But homeworks only over the weekend...

Sorry not to be more constructive, osoc- hope things improve soon and your mornings feel less fraught.

Try what I did with dd1 after she removed her school uniform after having it forcibly put on her

"You have untill me and dd2 have our coats on to get dressed and leave the house, or you will go as you are" She didn't believe me of course and cotinued to remove her clothes

She got the shock of her life when she was hauled out into the cold in her knickers and vest. Her clothes followed shortly after. You have never seen a child dress so quickly

The threat works almost everytime, but there are still days where I have to stop myelf screaming "For fucks sake put clothes on" Though on really bad days she gets the edited ersion of "For the love of god will you put your clothes and stop dancing about"

I've had to follow through with no shoes on one occaison, and nearly with pj's- I said oh are you going to bed nakerd then? And he ran to get his pj's on saying -oh no I'll get cold- so I think it does work, but if they call your bluff you need to follow through, as others have said.

I turn off Oggi and the Cockroaches if I come upstairs after finishing dds breakfast to discover 5 year ds still not dressed. This however is more Slovenly Parenting than UP so may not be relevant.

A stopwatch race has worked in the past though. And is quite fun. I am rubbish as it turns out at getting dressed quickly...

lol I'm no good at it either- I invariably fall over whilst trying to reach for my top and put my jeans on at the same time!

I just don't have time to sit over DS naggingcajoling him to get dressed, so he has to do it or he will be naked!

No idea what Oggi and the Cockroaches is but we don't have TV on school mornings.

What really bugs me is that he keeps saying that he wants to play but because he is a sulker it takes forever for him to get over it and get dressed and then there's no time left for play.

DS is 2, so a bit of a different story, but he's learned that when a doorbell sound goes off on my phone (I set a timer) then it's time to change his nappy/put on pants/shirt/shoes. I warn him before I set the timer what task is next, and he's usually pretty good about being calm about whatever the task is. Sometimes we start with nappy and he suggests all the rest, without us having to start the timer.

Yes, timer works for us for turning of the Wii and or for letting me have a telephone conversation in peace!

Yesterdays hassles seem to have been worth it. This morning when I said 'no breakfast until you're dressed' DS moaned and said 'oh no, it's like yesterday and you didn't change your mind' and I said 'and I won't today'. He was dressed 5 minutes later! So he had a decent amount of time to play.

We're pretty UP, and my 10 yr old, who also has asd, is extremely hard to get up in the morning. I've been taking his breakfast to him in bed for the last few weeks, which really seems to help; he has to sit up and it wakes him up a bit.

But as it always is for us with the UP approach, it seems to be less about what we do and more about keeping that good-hearted, steady feeling, so, I'm not changing my mind about this; it needs to happen, but I'm going to work with you to make it as easy as possible, rather than going into a big power struggle.