My ds is slipping away from me!..

[parker1313]

My ds is just about to turn 5.
In the last few months he has become very very close to his daddy (my dh).He has become very dependant on him.He only wants daddy to put him to bed.Iv been fine with this until yesterday really.
I work weekends since June and my dh works in the week.
I have found that dont get to have any relaxed time with the children (have a dd who is just 2).
I have to get my ds off to school in the week.Im then not there to get them up at the weekend which is more relaxed.
I am the responsible one who never seems to be able to have any fun.Im the serious one,organising everything etc.

I HAVE to try and pull this back and encourage him to WANT to spend time with me.
Im not great at laughing and being silly with the children as it feels like Iv got stuff Im thinking of all the time.I cant seem to let go.
My dh is really good at being silly and telling made up stories.I seem to struggle with this.
Can anyone advice me on anything specific I can do with my ds thats one on one so I can really show him that I can be fun and laugh lots?
Its making me very tearful in secret.

It may be just a developmental phase. I know I felt the same about both of my ds's when they were younger.

Really?!
Why me though and not his daddy?
Not that Im wishing this on him though

Oh, poor you.

I feel the same tbh, the other day DS1 (nearly 5 said)
"Daddy takes us on adventures and Mommy cleans the house"
DH takes the boys out whilst I do housework!

I organise everything, remmember school stuff, organise parties/birthday presents etc but feel like I get my time with them when they are tired and I am tbh.

I am sure it is just a phase, try not to worry.

I don't know! My ds's both went through phases where their daddy was the centre of their worlds. I think it might be a boy thing!Ds2 is still a bit dad orientated (he's 8) but ds1 always wants his mum now!

Oh goodness thank god its not me then (I hope)
(more pls...)

Have you read 'Raising Boys.' I've not read it for ages, but I'm sure there's something in there that explains the importance of boys having a close relationship with a male figure.

I was just thinking about that book Cornsilk!
It is really good for boys to have positive male role models.

Yes, and also it mentions that the age boys start bonding with their dads and moving away from their mums starts around 5-6.

That's right cornsilk - I think Raising Boys suggests that up to about 5 or 6 boys their need their mums as the main role model, but then it's dads. Then when they get a bit older they need male role models from outside the immediate family.

In an ideal world, obviously.

Oh right, I had no idea of this.Wish it had been printed in the parent guide that tells you what to do, that you get given at the hospital just after you give birth?!
You know the one I mean everyone?

I think 5 is an age when they are growing up alot, definately not toddlers, starting school etc. Making more friends and finding their own interests e.g football or starwars or what ever. I think as they change and grow up their relationship with you has to change too. My boys are 9,6 and 2. Dh and I do different things with them and (I hope) they enjoy us both equally but it did take a while to sort it'self out I think. Dh plays computer games with them, takes them to football, plays rough physical games basicly things he enjoys doing. I take them on muddy welly walks, do crafty stuff, play card/board games. I think it is definately a common stage and unfortunatly in many families mummy does the routine boring stuff.

He's identifying with his dad because he's worked out he's a boy.

You can still do things like baking, sewing, arty crafty stuff - he's not too old to think it's girly yet.

All boys go through this phase. Don't worry.

Lighter evenings will soon be here so perhaps you and DS could do something fun after school. Perhaps someone could mind DD for a couple of hours once a week so you could meet DS from school, go swimming or on a bike ride followed by tea at a cafe?

And - dare I say - let him go into school late once in a blue moon, so you can have a relaxed breakfast together, pretend to be spacemen and build a rocket out of cardboard boxes

My boys (2 and 4) are very daddy daddy. Yesterday morning he left for work before they got up...when they got up, all hell broke loose. Made me feel a bit but then I know they love me too...

Meant to say that Daddy is in the Navy, and while he hasn't been away for a while - I dread him being sent away now. Yes we'd cope, but there will be major issues...

It's not just boys... my DD1 (2.5) is completely obsessed with her dad. Not so long ago I asked her who loves her daddy. "I do!" And who loves her mummy? "DD2 does!"

Which was great for my self-esteem.....

oh god, i can so relate to this daddy obssession. and feeling that i do all the crappy, routine, hurrying along stuff while dh is the fun, rough and tumble carefree option. and my ds1 is only (just) 3. Has been very 'daddy' for as long as i can remember actually. i find it very tough, to be honest. ds2 still a babe in arms so at least i still feel needed there...

My dd is very much mummy mummy as she is only 2 so yes I also feel needed still so its ok for now.

Raising boys got it spot on with DS1. At 5 he wanted to sit at the table next to Daddy, wanted to sit on the same side of the car as Daddy. He got over it, and now I would say he is close to both of us. It will be interesting to see what happens to the other boys (2 and 4) who are utterly and absolutely in love with me at the moment - DH never gets a look in.

I feel the same, although ds would still rather come to me if there's anything wrong, or simply for a cuddle.

Am looking forward to going bowling with him tomorrow after school. Has requested it specially and I feel it's important to take time out of the busy organising, home-running schedule to simply enjoy his company. It may not be a total giggle like dh would be, but at least he will associate me with something other than tidying up & chivvying.

I know its tough, but he is lucky to have his dad to identify with - vitally important for him now he has worked out he is a boy! I am always grateful that my boys have that, because an ex-boyfriend of mine died suddenly (literally, dropped dead in kitchen with no warning, undiagnosed heart defect)@ 40, leaving his wife alone with two boys aged 4 & 2 and I often think of them, and feel so sad for them they do not have their dad.