Advice needed, am leaving toddler with grandparents for 4 nights

[kokopelli]

Hello lovely Mums , I have never posted before but would really appreciate your help with this. I look after 16 mnth-old DS on my own for weeks on end as DH works away from home, and I need to go away myself for 4 nights at the end of the month. I am going to leave DS with his grandparents, he has spent a single night there 4 or 5 times without me and has been fine, and he's there tonight and tomorrow night as a 48hr trial-run to see how he is. I'm worried I'm asking too much, that it will upset him, that it will affect him negatively somehow. He's perfectly happy with his grandparents and doesn't really notice I'm not there. I guess I just need to put my mind at rest . Has anyone else done such a thing?

Hi there,

I guess (stating the obvious) each baby is different, but my LO has spent nights at both sets of GPS, the longest being 3 nights with my mum and apparently always has an absolute whale of a time. I hate leaving her, but she never seems to miss me, will happily chat on the phone (she's now 19 months) but is happy to see me when I get back. So it's reassuring to know they're fine - I think it can be us that find it hardest! But you'll get a good gauge after your trial run, as long as your parents are honest about how he's been.

Good Luck

Thank you, just reading that has made me feel a bit better. The fact that you've experienced a successful 3 night stay-away is encouraging. I think you're right, we find it hardest. I definitely feel guilty, and also I'm missing him so that doesn't help. I have, however, cleaned the entire kitchen from top to bottom - something I'm not normally afforded the time to do! Thank you again.

If he is used to staying it should be fine-my DSs just saw it as a second home at that age-they loved it and so did grandparents.

hi kokopelli, i'm doing exactly the same with my 18mo dd in 10 days (and counting!) I have left her before, but not for such a long period, and as far as I can see she benefits HUGELY and I worry completely unnecessarily!! I have written down her favourite foods and her routine as they don't often do the bedtime routine with her (although they have her one day per week).

When we've left her with her grandparents at other times she is not overly ecstatic to see us when we return, just a bit pleased and wants to show us what she's doing, or take us to find squirrels or something, and although its a bit disappointing for me, I like the fact that she's clearly comfortable enough to feel loved and content without me being there.

She does ask for us from time to time, but before i go i tell her that she is staying for a night with nanny and grandad and we will come back soon to get her. Then when she asks nanny and granddad say the same thing to her, she says "yeah" and gets on with what she's doing.

Enjoy your time away, get some sleep (thats my aim!) drink some wine and try not to worry, your ds will have the time of his life (but might return a bit too used to getting his own way!)

gosh terrible grammar in my last post sorry!

Thanks piscesmoon and sircoughalot, i think he's definitely going to come back down to earth with a bump after 4 days of being spoilt rotten!

Sircoughalot, if you get a chance maybe you could let me know how you (and your dd) get on?

I am prepared for the lack-lustre welcome when I return, he already has his 'not bothered' face on after 24 hrs, I imagine it will be much the same or more so after longer.

I just chatted to ds on the phone and he hardly let me get a word in so that's a good sign. Also, I got a kiss. Fingers crossed they have a good night. I know I will!

And of course I shall follow the advice re. wine.

My 2.11 DS has only recently started thinking about a day as a unit of time and that things can be measured this way - to you it's three nights, but your ds has no concept of this probably! When mine was 16 months his dad had to go away for 6 nights and he didn't really notice until about day 5!

have put this in my "watching" threads kokopelli and will update you when i return (i think its about 17th march)

i am sooo looking forward to the break and the sleep and the carefreeness of it, but already missing her in my arms

I haven't done it at that age, but if he's fine staying there for the occasional night he'll almost certainly be fine for four nights. He's with people he knows and who love him almost as much as you do.

We left dd with her GP's when she was 18 months old for 4 nights whilst we went on honeymoon. We'd never left her overnight before and I was quite nervous about it (also a SAHM and I'd never left her with anyone except DH).

Anyway - she was absolutely fine. She had a lovely time, looked pleased to see us when we got back (albeit only hung around for quick welcome home hug before legging it back in to watch Peppa Pig ) and after the first few hours of feeling like I'd lost a limb, I had a fantastic break from her as well

I'm sure it'll be fine

Thanks all, v encouraging. And thanks sircoughalot, I look forward to hearing that you had a great time.

Can empathise with the 'lost a limb' feeling, it's something very primal I imagine, and it reminds me how profoundly awesome it is to be a mum.

hi

i do a lot of proxy parenting (24care while parents are away for work/weekend asway/holiday etc)

I can honestly say hand on heart that all of my kiddiwinks have had a great time with me, some parents ring and speak to their children, others dont as they get upset when they reliese that they arnt here(but down a phone line) age depending on child etc

if almost a case of out of sight, out of mind for many children, esp if they are with someone they know, ie gp's

tbh its normally harder on the parents then the child iykwim

sure your ds will be fine and have a fab time and be very spoilt as that is what gp's are for

We left DS for 5 nights at about that age to go to Glastonbury. The first night I got drunk and cried. After that, it was fine! He had a fab time being spoiled by his Gran - (who said, to reassure me, that small children have no concept of time, "like dogs" she said cheerfully)

This is obviously why when we returned, he greeted us as if we had just popped out to the shops and been gone an hour...!

Good points re. maybe not ringing all the time and also the time thing. Our 2 night trial run went fine, DS was apparently a little more fractious than normal on the 2nd day but apart from that he had a great time and so did I. His GPs were run ragged, but really enjoyed it, so it looks like we're all set for a 4 nighter - what with our trial run and all your encouragement. Thanks ladies x

Good, enjoy yourself, as you'll be back before you know it

Glad it went well. your DS was probably fractious because he'd been entertained beyone belief and wa a bit tired!! thats what I always find with dd when she's with her grandparents anyway!! only a few days til i'm away...mixed feelings from me, but i just know dd will be fine...

well weekend away was fine!! dd was a little bit insecure by day 3, needing her blanket and dummy a lot and asking for us, but was otherwise very happy, and slept better than ever before!!

I, on the otherhand, was a bit of a wreck!! i decided it was probably best not to phone dd because she couldn't understand timeframes and it would keep reminding her of the fact that I wasnt there....I phoned mum and dad every night for an update though, and she sounded like she had a fab time!!

dd was extra clingy when we came back yesterday and kept saying "mummy 'ome" "daddy 'ome" which was very cute but made me sad but soon settled in, and today she's been fine with me, which is great!

hope that helps

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