IGNORING THE NAUGHTY BEHAVIOUR

[VIJAYA]

i wanted your opinion onthis issue. Some times, when my son (tobe 4 this month) behaves badly and not listen to me, i tell him, if u dont listen to me, i'll not talk to you untill you behave and do what i ask you to do. this really has him crying and pleading for me to talk. this makes me feel very bad in return. but if i am a bit firm, his behaviour improves. but not for long. Do u think this is not right and it would affect him emotionally?

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Vijaya,think that could be a bit too scary for him. could make him feel cut off from all-important mum. he might even worry you dont love him any more!

edgarcat - excellent article, I agreed with it & do think that, in some cases, parents are scared to 'train or teach' their children properly. Loved the comment about if he's not doing well at school it could well be that he's just not studying rather than the school not being 'right' for him. I do think many children (not those whose mums are on mumsnet of course!) seem to be brought up to be little gods, assume that the world will revolve around them, just because their parents do, the reality is that life is tough, hard and unfair.

Also, thank you for at last getting me to have the Times as one of my 'favourites'.

Vijaya - to answer your question, I think you are right to explain the consequences of bad behaviour to your son, and to stick to what you will say you will do; IMO children do need their parents to stand firm.

I know you feel you are being tough but it probably hurts you more than it does him. He needs to know that you are the boss, that you love him very much and that there are rules he must abide by. This is the way of the world and if he understands this then he will get on very well.

It's up to you if you want to teach him about how to manipulate the rules. Therefore, how he can negotiate with you as you do with him and achieve a positive result. Not all discipline must be seen as bad.

Edgarcat - your advice remains invaluable.