How do I potty train my son when my childminder is not supportive?

[Wills]

ds is 2yrs 9months. He's also my 3rd child but my first son and until recently hadn't shown any signs whatsoever of being interested in potty training. I haven't worried as I've been secretly hoping he'd wait until either summer and/or warmer months when it would be easy to let him roam with nothing on. For the last 9 months however he very very occasionally takes himself off to the potty, pulls his own trousers and pullups down and attempts to wee into it (given that there is no adult supervision this normally results in me spending a long time cleaning the bathroom and him wandering with a wet T shirt and a very pleased with himself smile). But then he'd normally refused to go near the potty again for a good few weeks/months. In the last 10 days this attempts have got more and more regular until on Thursday he refused to put the nappy on so I went and got the pants and put those on instead. Between then and bedtime we had two accidents and two successes. The following day he goes to the childminder in the afternoon. I'd warned her what was happening and on the phone she hadn't sounded best pleased but said she'd try. The following morning we had one success and one failure before I dropped him off with his childminder. My dh picked up later at 4.00 and was informed that he'd had one accident and that she couldn't afford for him to have accidents on the carpet with the other kids there and therefore had put him back in his nappies. He's now refusing to wear pants so goodness knows what actually happened.

Until this point I would have said I had the best childminder possible. She's been incredible and my son loves being there but its a little ridiculous if I can't potty train him on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays!

If she takes children of that age, surely she must understand that is the potty training age and that's what to expect have you asked her what her policy on potty training is, or even ask her for her advice on how to potty train your son around his sessions with her (make her think!!)

i am amazed!

you need to talk to her about it - she is being utterly unreasonable

my DS is at nursery and potty training has very much been a joint endeavour

I think 2.9 is old enough to understand there are nappy times and non-nappy times. I potty-trained DS at home while still using nappies out and about and at nursery - we only went nappy-free when he had "got it" at home.

So I don't think it would necessarily be too confusing for your son to tell him that at home he uses the potty and at the childminder he wears nappies.

Having said that, she doesn't sound very supportive and like Hecate I am slightly that she could be a childminder and not better equiped to deal with this - or for that matter still care about her carpets!

She thinks I should use the pullups as pants - but he wears those as nappies and I don't see how that will work. Also I think that wetting yourself is part of understanding what happens when you get that feeling.

he needs IMVHO to be in pants

that is part and parcel of training - it is fine to sit in a wet nappy as they take the moisture away - less appealing to sit in wet pants

IME, DS was dry within about 3/4 days as he was ready - if your DS is ready and your CM supports it could be that quick for your DS too

I think you should emphasis how important it is that you work together on this and that he is getting the same message from both of you. Tbh it sounds as though she is putting her carpets before his development especially as she had been so good up until now.

A childminder can't afford to get too precious about these things as it's a home from home and you would expect the odd accident, that is why it is called potty training

I know a few childminders that stipulate that they expect parents to start potty training whilst they have a clear to do so and then the cm will support it

TBH I think the cm who stipulate have a point. If you start potty training when a child is nowhere near ready why should you spend all your time clearing up afterwards and whilst you are trying to look after 3 other children at the same time!

I think it's courtesy to discuss a plan with the cm rather than just give them 24 hours notice.

I agree with cargirl except that we'd been discussing it all along and she had suggested twice before this that I start. I'd tried over the weekend and had got nowhere and stopped as I wasn't seeing any sign and didn't want him to have an issue about it. I tried to force my first child to potty train in time to send her to nursery and it COMPLETELY backfired with her flatly refusing - kind of learnt my lesson there. I'll be honest her reaction really feels like its come out of the blue. I think she feels that potty training can be done via pullups whereas I don't but of course we weren't going to discover that difference of opinion until we got to this point.

How frustrating!!!!!! Have you got any time off planned very soon so at least you can have a 4 or 5 day run at it?

could you compromise on cloth training pants?then he gets the wet sensation but as long as she/you change him quick it shouldnt make carpet puddles

as littleducks says you can get washable training pants - or you could put a cloth booster in regular pullups so he feels a bit wet?

Perhaps she honestly doesn't think he is ready and this is her way of telling you?

Oh I didn't know there were such things. Will now go looking, that is a rather clever idea, certainly better than pull ups.

I am a CM. If I think parents are trying to potty train too early, then I tell them, but it doesn't sound as if you are. I do however accept that in the early stages children may have accidents .. that is part of the job. It is hard with other children around, but that's just the way it is. Do talk to your CM though. This needs to be a joint effort.

Thanks HSMM. I agree. I'm going to have to talk to her about this lest it build to a point where I resent her and that will effectively mean me looking elsewhere. A massive shame as ds is happy.