My (usually lovely) DD aged 9 and three quarters told me to "f*ck off" this morning - I'm in shock

[paolosgirl]

Big row this morning as she's going through a phase of not wanting to wear her sensible lovely school shoes - apparently they are 'geeky' and not the choice footwear of a girl who is 9 (sorry, nearly 10 as she keeps reminding me).

Needless to say I won the debate, and I heard her mutter what I thought was "fuck off" under her breath at my, and her reaction when I asked her what she had just said confirmed that this was indeed what had been said.

She's not being allowed to Brownies tonight, but I'm just shocked that she would say this to me. She's becoming a bit of a madam, but she's lovely really. Is missing Brownies too lax, or should I be tougher on her?

I have a daughter the same age, and I don't think she even knows the word!

How apologetic is she? Or are you likely to get a repeat performance?

For a first offence, I would have given a big bollocking instead TBH and imposed sanctions on further offences

I would buy her some proper shoes though at a later date

I don't think you need to be tougher.
If she enjoys brownies, that's punishment enough.
But have you talked to her about respect and use of innapporpriate language? Or have you just ranted at her?

Sometimes children say words they know are 'bad' without actually knowing that the words mean or why they are bad.
It doesn't mean she is bad for using the word IYSWIM.

I have a daughter of that age and although she probably wouldn't use the word, she has had moments of being awful nad teenagery, so I know how you feel.

Don't feel bad about her missing brownies - she needs to know what is unacceptable.

Did she choose the shoes? I always make sure my DC choose their shoes (within schoool / home rules, of course!) - otherwise they would never get worn if they thought they were geeky. Just imagine if your mum gave you a pair of OAP shoes and you HAD to wear them

These moments seem to happen to most parents at some time or other. And i am sure as this thread progresses you will find others who agree.

It is a shock and a horrible one, but mostly they don't have a clue what these terms mean. They hear it at school or parents and one day they just blurt it out.

I think it is how one deals with it, rather than it actually happening. Ask her what it means, tell her how shocked and upset that your lovely dd has used such offensive language. (hopefully they will feel awful!) then you decide the punishment, whether it is no brownies, no pocket money or sometimes just showing how upset you are can be enough .

Feel for you, it is not nice, but i can assure you i have been there with 2 of my 3 and no doubt i will hear it from the 3rd in due course.

Don't worry too much - although not ideal, it's probably caused by hormones...

Yes, having a big brother who's nearly 12 ensures that there are no words of that ilk that she hasn't heard.

She has had the lecture about inappropriate language and she is facing another talk from her dad tonight when he comes home from work. She apologised when I picked her up from school, but then started to cry, saying that she doesn't know why she feels the way she feels, and how angry she gets sometimes. I do feel sorry for her - this is the child that still plays fairies with her friend, but I think the hormones might be kicking in. At 9!

Missing Brownies has hit hard, but won't do her any harm. The shoes are not that geeky - Clarks Daisy shoes, which are hardly the end of the world! However, I have said that we will go shopping at the weekend, so a bit of a compromise will be reached. There are a few rather precocious girls in her class, so I think the concept of peer pressure is rearing it's ugly head.

My daughter has started to have tantrums too - a foretaste of the teenage years, methinks?