how the hell do you do the evening routines with toddler & baby??

[caspercat]

cos i'm completely clueless at the mo. have 2.6yr old dd & 1wk old ds. dd has nursery 3 days a wk, home by 6 ish. old routine - dinner, bath 7pm, stories then bed by 7.30 ish. luckily she's fab at going to bed & sleeping, so always been fairly smooth sailing. but now have ds, & as expected, it's bloody difficult. he's cluster feeding in the evenings at the mo, so i can't just ignore his cries & tend to dd, cos i know ds will just cry & cry & get more & more distressed. not bothered bout bathing him yet, but would like it to become part of his bedtime routine eventually.
obviously at the mo dh is on pat leave, and is doing everything to help, but goes back to work next week.he doesn't finish work till 7pm . both our families live hundreds of miles away, so no nearby help.
now i know i'm not the 1st mum to have this prob, so i know there's an answer somewhere. any tips? dh says to leave ds to cry while i bath\bed dd, but that would be way too long i think - also had pnd with dd, and i think listening to ds cry for that long would tip me over the edge again, aswell as being shite for him...
sorry for crap typing, bf ds while on here,

TIA, caspercat xx

Hi Caspercat,

I have two DDs, 2.6 & 8 months old. My routine is slightly earlier than yours - tea at 5, upstairs for bath by 6, bedtime 7ish. I couldn't manage without DP taking over bathtime (I run around getting pjs, milk ready etc) then I get the baby ready for bed whilst he finishes with DD1.

Basically it's one child each at bedtime. And we're lucky if we manage a couple of baths a week (used to be once a night with DD1!) Now DD often gets in the shower with one of us in the morning instead.

We usually have our main meal after children have gone to bed (but I eat a little snack with them at 5 so we eat as a 'family')

All I would say is nothing stays the same for long - I was routine queen with DD1 but DD2 has had to fit in around her. Once I accepted that I found I was more relaxed.

Hope this helps?

Just to add - it doesn't take long to find your flow managing 2. The worry about how I would cope when DP went back to work was worse than the reality. I'm sure you'll cope brilliantly!

what about having the baby in a sling whilst you do bedtime story?

Hi, my two were slightly further apart in age but I recall exactly how difficult I found it. My DH oftens works away overnight and the first few times this happened after he finished paternity leave, were a nightmare! It is all a bit of a blur now, a few years down the line so i can't recall exactly what routine I did, but you do need to adjust, baths will not happen everynight etc. I found lunchtime naps the hardest, trying to get DDs settled whilst DD1 insisted on wandering in and out of the room, then just settling down for some mummy time with DD1 when baby would wake up and DD1 would get upset!
All I can say is, nearly everyone was in the same position, we all survived, the first weeks are always the worst and in a couple of months things will settle down. Don't be shy about asking for help, from friends, DH, whomever, even little things like could one of the other mums take your DD1 home so you don't always have to take DD2 with you? I found this hard when picking up from nursery always co-incided with a meal then baby would fall asleep in car on the way home and then not be tired for lunchtime nap etc etc.
Good luck!

Hi, I have an 18 month old DS and a 5 month old DD.

I had to move my routine earlier for DS, dinner then bath at 5pm, into jammies and downstairs while I feed DD and have my dinner, he goes to bed at 7.30pm. I am at home and he doesn't go to nursery though so I can be more flexible.

It will get easier, I found it got easier when DH went back to work after his paternity leave I love him and he is fab but he mucks up my routines!

It really does get easier, this cluster feeding stage is hard but things will settle down. DS did not get many baths in the evening or sometimes baths at all for the first 6 weeks DD was here, I did baths in the morning instead but gradually everything settled again and now we are in what I loosely term a 'routine'

Hello - I have DD1 2.9 and DD2 1yr, thinking back to the early days I just breastfed DD2 throughout DD1's bedtime routine. SOmetimes DD2 got in the bath too for a bit, sometimes not. Did a lot of bfeeding in the bathroom and then whilst reading a story. Luckily DD1 has always been good at sleeping and bedtime. I also breastfed whilst I ate in the evening, did have DP to prepare something though, not sure I could've managed that breastfeeding too.... And it does get easier - you will find your groove

thanks guys. peelmeagrape, i too was routine queen with dd, i think it really saved my sanity, so am gonna find a lack of one difficult i think, but i realise it's not really gonna happen. also, i did think that poss dd would have to miss a few baths, but worry that's another thing she loves that she'll miss out on. it's been part of her bedtime routine since day 1, and if i ask her 'bath or no bath?', she always says bath, so i think it might make it trickier to get her to bed without one....
as for the 'cluster feeding' ds, well he's now on his 3rd feed since 6pm - wouldn't settle in basket, nappy clean & was rooting, so am feeding him again. is that normal? don't remember doing that with dd....sorry, is off subject, i know.
anyway, thanks all for your replies so far xxx

I also panicked at how on earth I was going to manage with a toddler and a baby - especially as DH works away a lot so it is often just me on my own.

DS1 is 2.7 and DS2 is 3 months old - I put them both in the bath together (DS2 in a bath seat)...this involves a lot of sitting on the bathroom floor undressing/dressing DS2 whilst DS1 is still playing in the bath. Once DS2 is in his babygro, I dash to put him in his cot (with a dummy if necessary if it stops him crying) whilst I sort DS1 out. Then we all come back downstairs - DS1 gets to watch an episode of Button Moon (which he loves) whilst I give DS2 his bottle, read him a story and then take him upstairs to bed (he settles fantastically so I am literally upstairs for 5 minutes max) - then let DS1 watch another episode of Button Moon with me and then bedtime with a story for him - both in bed asleep by 7.45 . I do have to make sure that DS2's bottle/DS1's milk are prepared and ready before bathtime though so I can just grab them from the kitchen.

However, I am bottle feeding which has made it easier. It has taken a few weeks to get to this stage so you will find a way that suits you and your circumstances.

casper I missed on your earlier post that your DP won't be home till 7 - that's tough. I still count the minutes till my DP gets in in the evening! RE routine, milki is right, you will find your groove - you're already in a routine with your first, and gradually you'll find you work out a new one with two. Which will probably change many times - DD2 is just weaned which was a whole new ball game, but things much more settled now!

Cornwall is beautiful btw (SW is my home!) I'm 400 miles away but working on getting back down as soon as I can..

Take every day as it comes, good luck.

Hi Caspar congrats btw
I would try and initiate a routine for ds seperately from dd.
Give him bath / feed and settle before starting dd's bath. I would put a mat / basket etc in the bathroom with you if he doesnt settle in another room.
You can still keep up the cluster feeds whilst dd is having bath / story etc.

I personally would keep up dd's routine as best you can. All mine love the bath and have one every night and see it as part of bedtime too.
Ds will soon fit in and agree the thought of doing it is often worse than physically doing it.

You may be able to tell from my post above that I fed DD2 a lot in the evenings when she was really small. In v early days pretty constantly from around 5pm until 1/2am, my life was easier if she was on the boob and she was happy, so worked for us. I just resigned my evenings to feeding and watching random telly and in the haze of it all it wasn't too bad.

Hi there - mine are 19 months apart and I do it by myself. To make it harder - my baby wouldn't / doesn't feed if anything else is going on but most people will BF baby while older one is in the bath and then again during stories.

My routine is:

Get both kids upstairs and carrying baby if needs be, run the bath. Older one plays around me. I make sure that towels and PJs and nappies are also in the bathroom plus an extra folded towel on the floor for baby to lie on and/or the older one (if still in nappies). Also grobag or blanket to keep baby warm...

Ok, so bath is run and stuff altogether:
Put baby down on towel still dressed etc.
Undress older one and plonk in to the bath and wash them quickly.
Undress baby and put it to bath and wash.
Take baby out of bath, dry and PJs etc and grobag and start feeding if needs be while older one plays, or put them on the towel to listen to all the fun.
Get older one out and ready for bed in the bathroom.
Pick up baby and transfer everyone to 'the big bed' (or older one's bedroom) where older one has her milk while I feed the baby. Older one chats and/or reads books to herself while I finish feeding baby.
If baby takes ages to feed, pick a likely ok time (hopefully they;'ve had lots of milk by the time you've done the feeding in the bathroom plus what you've done in the bedroom so it won't mind being put down for a max of 5 minutes).
Put older one in to bed and quick chat, kiss and goodnight.
Go back to baby and continue feeding / take back downstairs with you etc....

Also its amazing how you can multitask whilst bf

oh and for meal times - when DP is around, make batches of stuff and freeze it - stuff that can be heated up with one hand if needs be (we don't have a microwave but you might!)e.g. cheesy tuna pasta etc. That way - you only need to put baby down for a couple of mins at a time while you sort meal times / clearing up etc.

The first 6 or 8 weeks it will just vary. Some days the baby will sleep through the whole bedtime hour - blissful. Otherwise will cry through it all. YOu will have to leave to cry sometimes.

But I generally try to feed the baby while the others are either in the bath (I sit on the loo!) or while they watch a bit of cbeebies bedtime hour after the bath. Sometimes I feed the babe while I do bedtime stories but that is a bit of a juggle as the younger older one climbes all over me.

Anyway now he is 3 months I usually feed him at around 5.30pm while the other two eat their tea, then I clean up tea. Bung them all in the bath - he gets the shortest bath. Then we all go up for stories - baby listens too. When he starts getting grouchy I put him in his cot. My eldest girl who is 5 has taken to sleeping in the baby's room to keep him company. She thought he would be lonely when he went into his own room.

its all over by 7.30pm - phew.

Has taken us 3 months to get to this stage though - you are only on day 2!!!!

I did it and it is hard at first, but after a few weeks you really get into the swing of it and it becomes easy - honest!

I'd say for now, while your baby is so little and feeding so much in the evenings (which is very normal!) do not worry about his routine AT ALL. That will fall into place later on.
Just concentrate on DD's routine and let DS fit in around it.

I would get DD dinner ready with DS in sling/bouncy chair.
Sit at table with DD while she eats dinner and feed DS if he wants feeding too.
Then bath time - take DS upstairs with you. Put him in bouncy chair/moses basket in bathroom with you. You'll have to leave him if he cries a bit while you are doing the undressing/hair washing/drying bits, but you can get him out and cuddle and feed him while DD has a splash about in the middle.
Then pop him back in the basket while you get DD dry and dressed and get her milk then sit and read stories to her on her bed feeding DS at the same time.
Once she is tucked up in bed you can go and sit on sofa and feed away until DS settles at whatever time. (with mine it was later on of an evening when they were very young).
When DH gets in at 7, it can be his job to get you dinner!

That sort of thing worked for me and it was only a few weeks before the baby was big enough to go in the bath too and join in the whole routine and go to bed at the same time as the older one!

Its always going to be difficult for the first month or so, newborns are so demanding in the evenings! A sling could well be the answer, or could you possibly afford a babysitter/mothers help/someone to come in for 2 hrs each evening and help you (even just a couple of times a week to take the stress off a bit)? They could help you clean up after dinner, maybe bath DD while you feed DS, then deal with baby while you do bedtime story etc for DD?

I do most evenings by myself and after the first chaotic month I found a plastic bath chair for the baby invaluable so I could bath my two together with hands free. After dinner, around 5.30pm, they have a bath at about 6.30 - DS (now 3.5) still goes in first, baby DD (8m) joins him in her seat, I wash them both, brush teeth then get baby out and dressed on floor of bathroom while DS plays in bath, then his turn to come out while baby sits in (dry!) bath seat on floor. DS also had quite a few bedtime stories read while I fed DD, but it is nicer for him to get full attention when possible.

You will find a routine sooner than you think, now after their bath I feed DD on sofa while DS watches Kipper, she goes to bed at around 7.15 then DS gets stories just with me and settles down around 7.30-7.45pm. Hang in there...

DS 2.5 and DD 5 months here.

I BF baby the entire time for the first 3-4 months now they're in a bit more of a routine which I find easier to do by myself. If DH is home he tidies up and makes supper.

DS is a bad settler and will often need to have us in the room when he is falling asleep.

So, first few months:

1. All upstairs, undress DS, feed DD on the toilet. DS can climb into bath himself using a chair.
2. DS out of bath into pyjamas, very squashed story on my knee, feed DD.
3. DS in bed, stories in bed, feed DD.

BTW it's easier to turn the pages of a book BFing than bottle feeding!!