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Party invite stress, don't know what to do, aaarrrgh help!!!

9 replies

MakkaPakkasPacamac · 24/02/2009 11:49

DD is 6 on Thursday and is having her party this Saturday. There is a strict limit imposed on the number of children (not by me, by the venue) and so we can't invite all the class. I told DD to just choose the children she plays with and there are about 4 girls from the class who haven't been invited. But I've since realised there is a bit of a clique and there's a group of 5 of them who are very close, 2 of whom haven't been invited. They haven't been nasty to DD about it but there have been comments like "please invite me to your party and then I'll invite you to mine" or "why isn't so-and-so coming?" etc. DD said she doesn't play with these girls so isn't bothered about them coming, but I'm worried they will gang up on DD about it. DD is in a mixed Y1/2 class and these girls are 7 - what do you think, could 7 year olds be difficult with her about this? I don't think DD would really be aware, or even remember, about who came to her party or what parties she was & wasn't invited to and any problems would all be very quickly forgotten - but as these girls are older than her maybe they'd more aware and cause problems for DD?

The thing is, I now do have room to invite all the girls except one and even then someone else might drop out so they could all come). Should I just invite them all anyway? But then it would be really obvious that they're replacements as they're only being invited a few days before the party! Also I've already done individual food boxes & party bags and I haven't catered for them, so it would be extra work to then cater for them. The other thing is that come September, DD won't be in the same class as these girls ever again so it's not like they're going to be best friends.

I don't care about what the parents think, I'm not bowing to any pressure to invite everyone or anything like that - I just really want it all to be ok for DD and for them not to cause any problems for her.

Sorry for rambling on, but I would really appreciate some advice on this!!

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Flier · 24/02/2009 11:53

You have asked dd which friends she wants to come to her party, stick with the original plan. If she isn't going to be in class with these girls come September anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. Your dd isn't worried, so try not to worry either

islandofsodor · 24/02/2009 11:55

I would leave it as it is as there is the possibillity that someone might drop out and you would be one over.

I did add some last minute invitees to ds's party. We could have 15 and we had 5 who couldn't come but he is in a class of 20 and chose around 5-6 from each class.

Other children's cliques are not your dd's concern. If she is not part of that clique then she should just invite the friends she plays with. My dd is 7 and they do seem to be getting a little more precocious bout these things. That is one problem imo with mixed classes.

MakkaPakkasPacamac · 24/02/2009 11:58

I just wonder if she's not bothered because she isn't anticipating any problems afterwards. Maybe if I said to her "do you want them to come as they might be mean to you if you don't ask them?" then she'd probably say yes

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lljkk · 24/02/2009 12:19

I would let your DD decide; it's as good a way to resolve the situation as any other. And it is her party.

Danceaway · 24/02/2009 12:58

I would leave it as is. Must be hard for your dd to answer the questions about why some girls can't come, maybe you could have a friendly word with their mums and explain you were limited on no's if it's appropriate.

wishingchair · 24/02/2009 14:01

My DD was 6 a couple of months ago and she invited all but about 4 girls from her class. DH and I quizzed her over it and said we could just invite them (we didn't have limit on numbers enforced by venue ... just our sanity) but she stuck to her guns and said she didn't play with them. So I would leave it and let her invite who she actually likes and wants to be there.

MrsMcCluskey · 24/02/2009 14:04

I would leave it as it is
DS2 is 6 in a few weeks and as much as I would love to invite all the boys in his class, at £9.50 a head i cannot afford to.
He is inviting the boys he plays with the most, i know some will be upset at not being invited but i am sure Ds wont be invited to all the other parteis in school eitherr.
You cant please everyone!

stealthsquiggle · 24/02/2009 14:07

Hold your ground. It's too late for them not to realise they are replacements, and everyone has to deal with not being invited to a party sooner or later.

MakkaPakkasPacamac · 24/02/2009 21:25

Thanks everyone - I feel better about not asking them now. Right, that's it, decision made, will not obsess over this anymore

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