Wanted to take the kids out for tea today

[Nabster]

They knew about it and knew they needed to behave.

The boys haven't been great, DD has, so I don't see why I should take them. But I sometimes wonder if they don't think there is any point as they don't get anything. They often lose treats but they often misbehave. Am I too strict?

They are 3, 5 and 7.

How old is your DD Nabster?

5.6

no not at all. IVe started really being strict with ds age 4.

Bedtime was always a nightmare but now he has got the jist of it - not always but 8 times out of 10 he knows he gets treats if he behaves

Stick to it - I know its hard or sometimes just easier to give in but then they will not learn.

Treat your DD

Sometimes though NAB, you have to overlook some things and focus on what they have been great at today, tis the only way to do it.

Personally I have found it too stressful to tell them way in advance of a possible treat depending on their behaviour. The constant nagging and asking if they are being good enough etc drives me spare and feels like I am setting them up for a fall. Easier to set mini targets throughout the day and then treat as a suprise well done at the end. Being good is a bit abstract for my kids and hard to keep up constantly. Easier to say something like "5 minutes to pick up all your toys" or "I will get the lego out for you as long as you share and do not squabble over any of the pieces. Any fighting and it goes away immediately" type black and white stuff. Easy to monitor and easy to carry out. But that is just me

I reckon you are right to stick to your guns tho. They might get disheartened and think there is no point if the target is too hard BUT they will really think there is no point if you give in anyway!

You could always take them out and give DD a special treat for trying the hardest - choosing a special milkshake or even something trivial like picking which table to sit at. Anything that recognises she has done really well. I find "proximity praise" is great for the other children too as makes them think in a positive way without having to explicitly say "you are not getting the extra treat because.." as they can see it for themselves.

All I wanted is one day without them hitting each other and arguing with me. They are back to school tomorrow and I much prefer them being at home. I don't have to see anyone then.

I have to take DD to the dentist in about 10 minutes so I need to decide quick.