Toilet Training DD - 2 yrs 10 mths - need help!

[Shopna]

Hi, my DD has had a potty for over a year but never uses it. She used to sit on it fully clothed with nappy but I could never tell if she was weeing. After a few false starts over the last year decided to take bull by horn.
Took DD out & bought 'Big Girl Seat' for the toilet and new girlie pants. She loves both and is happy to lose the nappies. Started TT (yesterday) Friday. Put her in pants and took hourly trips to sit on the toilet but no luck. By afternoon she kept telling me she wants to wee/go toilet every 10 minutes. I take her, she sits for 5/10 mins, says she's trying, chats, plays with tissue roll and tells me 'it won't come' then wants to get off. She had 4 accidents (just wee) mostly just minutes after having had a sit and try. She tells me after she's alresdy been in her pants. Each time she had an accident she said 'Mummy wee wee' and I grab her and make the dash to loo but realise she's already been. I sound like a broken record reminding her every 2 minutes 'Tell Mummy when you need to wee wee' so why won't she tell me until after she's gone in her pants? She has seen me on the loo and will go through the motions of taking tissue, wiping, flusing, washing hands so knows what the toilet if for but won't actually do anything in the toilet herself. Yesterday evening I left her commando and just in a skirt. She sat on her potty in front of the telly and wee'd! But I don't know whether it was concious or whether she was using the potty as a seat and it was really just an accident? Gave her lots of praise and poured contents down loo to show her where it goes. Seemed really happy, pleased with herself. Today refusing to sit on potty, wants 'Big Girl Toilet' again asking to go to toilet, happy to sit on it for ages and 'try' but no result. Again accidents (just wee) and telling me after she's already been. Had to go out so put a nappy on and she had a poo in nappy. How do I get her to tell me she needs to wee before and not after she's already gone in her pants. She doesn't like being wet and wants to be changed immediately. I tried bribery but nothings working. As I work full-time I think she's using trips to the loo as a way of spending more time with me and not for what I'm trying to teach. I have to go back to work on Monday and DH will take over. I don't mind the accidents as she has to learn but I wish she would tell us before she goes. I just want some peace of mind that she knows what the new seat and pants are for. I would be grateful for any advice / tips.

Hi, my DD has had a potty for over a year but never uses it. She used to sit on it fully clothed with nappy but I could never tell if she was weeing. After a few false starts over the last year decided to take bull by horn.
Took DD out & bought 'Big Girl Seat' for the toilet and new girlie pants. She loves both and is happy to lose the nappies. Started TT (yesterday) Friday. Put her in pants and took hourly trips to sit on the toilet but no luck. By afternoon she kept telling me she wants to wee/go toilet every 10 minutes. I take her, she sits for 5/10 mins, says she's trying, chats, plays with tissue roll and tells me 'it won't come' then wants to get off. She had 4 accidents (just wee) mostly just minutes after having had a sit and try. She tells me after she's alresdy been in her pants. Each time she had an accident she said 'Mummy wee wee' and I grab her and make the dash to loo but realise she's already been. I sound like a broken record reminding her every 2 minutes 'Tell Mummy when you need to wee wee' so why won't she tell me until after she's gone in her pants? She has seen me on the loo and will go through the motions of taking tissue, wiping, flusing, washing hands so knows what the toilet if for but won't actually do anything in the toilet herself. Yesterday evening I left her commando and just in a skirt. She sat on her potty in front of the telly and wee'd! But I don't know whether it was concious or whether she was using the potty as a seat and it was really just an accident? Gave her lots of praise and poured contents down loo to show her where it goes. Seemed really happy, pleased with herself. Today refusing to sit on potty, wants 'Big Girl Toilet' again asking to go to toilet, happy to sit on it for ages and 'try' but no result. Again accidents (just wee) and telling me after she's already been. Had to go out so put a nappy on and she had a poo in nappy. How do I get her to tell me she needs to wee before and not after she's already gone in her pants. She doesn't like being wet and wants to be changed immediately. I tried bribery but nothings working. As I work full-time I think she's using trips to the loo as a way of spending more time with me and not for what I'm trying to teach. I have to go back to work on Monday and DH will take over. I don't mind the accidents as she has to learn but I wish she would tell us before she goes. I just want some peace of mind that she knows what the new seat and pants are for. I would be grateful for any advice / tips.

I'd buy a bag of little chocolate buttons and give one and show over the top excitement if she just sits on the potty/toilet (even for a second) keep it up and she'll soon sit on it all the time (still keep up the chocolates). Do this for a day, also if it works well start saying "quick, go sit on the toilet" like a game and give a chocolate (this instruction might be handy later). I'd personally not have pants on her. Every time she sits on it you might make a comment about "did you do a wee?" after the chocolate (but don't be worried about it). Then continue as you are, if she does go (even 'accidentally') on the potty/toilet keep up the choc/praise. It seems a lot of chocolate but it only lasts a day or two, then you start doing it only if they do a wee/poo in the toilet or if they remember to ask for one after going. I was really surprised how quickly it all happened and DS isn't motivated by the chocolate at all, he thinks using the toilet is wonderful. He just took himself off to go after a few days. Keep the potty in front of the tv, it's hard to leave a show to go! there will be puddles. Good luck.

I think you are expecting a little bit too much from her too fast - most people find they have maybe 3 or 4 days of loads of accidents before their little ones start catching on. I'd say if she prefers the loo to the potty then stick with it as it's so much easier in the long run - cleaning pooey potties is horrible! Keep taking her regularly, let her sit for 5 or 10 mins max and read a book to her or something and give huge praise for success. Do your utmost to make little of accidents, except saying better luck next time. Always sit her on the loo after an accident, they often stop themselves mid accident and will then let the rest go in the loo (meaning that despite the accident you can still give lots of praise). Remember she has been using nappies without thinking all her life. She needs to go through the process of having accidents and learning the cues - i.e. assciating the feeling of needing the wee with the nasty wet cold clammy feeling of wet clothes shortly afterwards when she does it. It can take a while for them to get the hang of telling you before they need to go - often the initial potty training is more luck - i.e. they learn to just let go and do a wee when you put them on the loo, so you become accident free for a few weeks, then you get the transition phase where you stop asking / telling them to go as you become a bit more relaxed about it and you can have a brief increase in accidents again before they get the hang of being in control of asking for the loo rather than you dictating trips.

Monitor what she is drinking. Offer her a nice big glass of ribena / juice or something, then 45 mins later take her to the loo - you might then find you have a greater chance of successes.

Bsically it is YOUR patience that will win the day. I found the constant loo trips, fiddling around and reading and producing nothing (then weeing on the floor two mins later) that you go through in the early days of potty training v boring and frustrating - but for them it's something new and fun.

It is not a failure if you put a nappy on and she takes the opportunity to poo in it - at least it means she is learning some control! Poos often take a little bit longer to get the hang of than wees (did for both my DDs) and although I potty trained DD2 a couple of months ago now she will still occasionally use her night time nappy to poo in - she knows she has a nappy on and therefore that it is 'OK' although she wouldn't poo in her pants anymore.

Try a 'My Wee Friend potty sticker - they're a great incentive, and often children will ask for the potty just to make the picture appear, so they tend to ask way before they are actually getting desperate. The first hint of a message reminds them of the picture they can make by weeing in the potty, and they ask for it. Well worth a try, as you can get them for around £2.50