what to do?next door neighbour`s dd(she is9) hit my dd(3) today!

[B1984]

She came over today for few hours and they were playing nicely cooking etc.I went upstairs for a moment and my dd came up and said: ouch!E just hit me!me and dh just looked at each other and said to dd not to be naughty and stop lying.we knew she probably wasnt lying but we didnt know what to do,the girl is 9,i though nice,but obviously not.i did notice something like this once when i watched them two playing from a window and saw the girl kinda snatching toys of her!what do i do,do i speak to the mum(we get along really well,not BF,but we have a laugh),or do i confront the girl in hope that she will be so ashamed and not do it again(and probably avoid us all together?!,which i dont want really!)Its worrying,she could be doing it every time i turn my head!your thoughts pls!

i wouldn't blame anyone unless you see it happen and next time she comes over say to both of them that if there's any hitting of nastiness , the play will finish. if you did mention it to her mum i would present it as the two of them sometimes fall out and so you're keeping a close eye on them - if you challange and accuse it will affect your friendship and as kids change so much so quickly and take it in turns being the monster and the angel, they'll be best friends and you'll still have awkwardness! as long as you are supervising and keeping your child safe its all part of playing and learning social rules etc - i have 3dd's and most days i'm like on UN peacekeepers patrol!!

I wouldn't have told her to stop lying, tbh, if you are not sure that she was - that doesn't seem very fair; why should she be accused of being naughty if she was just hit.

Maybe you could have said something like 'perhaps it was an accident' if you wanted to smooth things over.

Difficult to say anything without having seen it happen, but keep a close eye on her when she is over playing - with the big age gap, am not sure that jenhden's taking it in turns to be the monster thing works, the 9 year old will always be so much bigger.

sorry - but i don't think you should tell your dd to stop lying when she tells you she's been hit. you've just shown her that she can't come to you when something bad happens to her because you won't believe her!

i think you need to keep a close eye on them and as soon as something happens, tell the girl to stop or she goes home.

you can't go to her mum not having seen it happen.

A friend of mine had this. The older girl was a nice kid and nobody could understand it. They decides she was just a little girl experimenting with power and control and testing life out a bit. As your daughter's only 3, why don't you say can you play near me so you can keep an eye out. When she's a bit older - and it won't be long - tell her to come to you instantly if she's hit. The older girl will soon stop it if your daughter does that. Also I'd say you have to remember that as your daughter still likes playing with the older girl, then it can't be all that bad.
The older girl we knew has now grown up now and is lovely by the way.